I'm finding myself overloaded. No one to take the load from me, they have too heavy a burden themselves. No one to tell me where to put it, they don't understand it to know what to do with it. No one to give me any direction whatsoever. There is someone who I know would give her everything to help, but as I said, she has too heavy a burden herself.
So what effect is this having on me?
I'm scatterbrained. My Adult ADD is kicking it up into hyperdrive. I can't focus. I find myself pacing the house trying to get my brain to work, which reminds me of a child with autism pacing the house because he can't think of anything better to do. I have things that I get really excited about, and when I get my brain able to focus on them, my brain goes into hyperdrive on them. But then when my brain is distracted from them, it can't grab hold of anything else coherent. So I turn to netflix and Xbox 360 to give my brain a chance to unwind and decompress…
Problem is…that kind of downtime is detrimental to a father of two teenagers who have autism, a full time student on academic probation, a former business partner in the midst of an ugly contract dispute, a full time caregiver to two young adults who have autism who are not my children, and an owner of two small businesses.
…and that only compounds my scatterbrained-ness. Add the pressures of the above lifestyle to my brain wanting to detach, and you have a person longing to get away for some serious decompression. My brain just doesn't wanna do it anymore. My brain is craving a few days to just get away from everything that troubles me and relax in the woods. But I can't have that. I need to bust my ass right now to get to the other side of this trench…and while I'm here, my brain is making the challenge even more difficult.
Fun times, for sure. We'll see how long I can keep up with myself here.
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