Getting back on track. Lessons learned, and moving on.

I'm getting a steady paycheck once again! It's a great feeling knowing that I'll be able to easily keep my bills paid and get my 5 year plan back on solid financial footing. It was a scary ride, quite stressful, and some things fell away during it all. But that was 2012. This is 2013. I'm working hard to make 2013 my bitch.

Now that I've received a little bit of pay, I'm trying to focus on getting my bills paid back down. When I started 2012, I had just paid off a credit card and only had one left. I left the paid off card open so I'd have an emergency credit line, and used that to replace a vital piece of studio gear in the spring. My finances weren't stable enough to justify that cost, and a $500 purchase turned into a $700 credit card bill that was $200 over limit. The account was closed by the bank to prevent it from growing any higher, and I was given a $15-month payment plan to pay it off. It'd take me 4 years at that minimum, but that's all I've been able to do for a few months now.

But now that I've got steady income again, it's time to get all of that out of the way. I'm actually excited right now! 2012 was full of bad habits that I was forced into in one way or another. For example, with the studio only breaking even and other ventures not getting any returns yet, I found myself forced to wait til the absolute last minute to pay my phone bill. Just as I was about to get the money to pay it, it would get disconnected, and I'd get a $50 fee for that month. This happened almost monthly, I swear I think AT&T is psychic and knew what day to cut me so they could get the fee that month.

Today, I paid it before it got cut off! Today, it all turns around! I've still got a mountain to climb, but the expedition team was gathered when I got the new day job. The last month was spent preparing for the climb, and today we started off toward base camp #1.

It's just a shame that things went the way they did with some of my plans last year. Feelings were hurt, friendships damaged, and I doubt that'll ever be able to mend. I just wish those affected understood why things have been so hard for me and why I did the things i did. I'm not trying to play the victim here, but the only one walking in my shoes was me. The only one who sees it the way I do was me. They see it from their perspective, and that's the way it goes. Nothing I can do about it.

So now that I've taken the steps necessary to reclaim my financial future, let's outline some of the challenges directly ahead. I've got rent to pay at Skyline Sound Studios, and a damaged car to diagnose and repair. I'm going to need to budget very very very carefully, and file my tax return asap, if I'm gonna get over this hurdle quickly. But the beautiful thing is that once I get over it in the next couple of months, things still won't be easy but they will be easier than they are now by quite a big margin.

Regarding budgeting very very very carefully, that's tough. I've got a little sum of money right now to apply to my expenses, and there's a compulsion in me to start paying down certain liabilities with it right now since I know I have it. But that's not realistic, as I have to ensure those car repairs and that rent for the studio are paid for. Then I have to pay for certain business related expenses that are owed to other parties. It's not going to be easy, it's going to be very very very tight. But I have to refrain from spending money unless not doing so will cost me more money.

The general reason for this particular blog entry is the fact that the expedition has left once again for the mountain top. I'm excited as hell about that! It's been way too tight for way too long, and it's about time something changed. But the universal factor in all of that was me. It wasn't changing because I was thinking too short term in some respects. I took a chance, but didn't calculate all of the risks of that chance. I paid for that miscalculation, and fortunately it didn't do enough damage to completely de-rail me. But that's the learning curve in business (and no, I'm not referring to the damaged friendships I mentioned above, for a certain someone who is likely reading this). It's about calculated risk, and I miscalculated. It was tough, and I'm rebounding. Time to take the lessons learned from my failures in ALL aspects last year and apply them to a more successful and profitable 2013!

2013...yeah, I'm hittin' that!

Yes We Can! Avoiding my own fiscal cliff...

Since part of my goals for 2013 included a better financial footing, I went over finances this morning with Laura. It turns out that if we had too, we'd be able to survive on one single income this year. With that in mind, there's no reason why we can't turn ourselves around by 2014 with two incomes! I'm pretty excited about this! This is an ace in the hole, and acknowledgement that we're on the right track.

January 2nd, 2013. Setting Goals, and Resetting Phase 1.

On August 29th, 2011, I posted "5 Year Plan: Phase 1 - Stability And Forward Motion."

Since then, my life has changed in so many ways, but now I find myself needing to get back on track with my 5 year goal. I've got just under 4 years left to achieve it. I'm broke as a joke, and even though some things in my life are far more stable, my biggest struggles right now are financial. It's time to get back on track and restart from Phase 1. So let's retune it for my life now.

Stability.

Ok, well at the time that I wrote the original Phase 1 post, my life was very unstable. I was on the verge of homelessness, and was clawing out of that situation tooth and nail. My living situation is far more stable now, and I'm not relying on my income alone to keep myself bathed and fed. But the problem is that I'm not contributing, and am not furthering my family's financial future in the state I'm in now. It's time to fight again for some financial stability.

I've already got things in place, including school, a 30 hour per week day job, and new revenue streams in development. My student loans will pay my tuition, which will help me gain an education. But they will also give me a decent overage to park in the bank for emergencies, or to pay down debts. Sure, this money is a liability since it'll be a debt that needs repaying later, but it'll be at a far lower interest rate than I'm currently paying on my debts. So it's a smart move to displace a higher interest liability with a lower interest one. These include my car, and a couple of credit cards. I had paid all but one credit card off last year, but my income lost it's stability just after that and I wound up maxing out the one I had paid off and never touching the one I didn't pay off. Now they are both closed accounts, and I've made an arrangement to pay down one of them. The other is in collections. Getting rid of these soul sucking liabilities once and for all is a major goal for this new year.

My car is another. I still owe money on it, even though I shouldn't, but I made poor choices about financing it in order to appease a previous relationship, and am paying the price now. One those credit cards are gone once and for all, it's time to snowball that car loan and get it out of the picture once and for all. My goal is to have the car and all credit cards paid off by years end. Once that is done, I can establish a savings again. Also, 2014 can be focused on cleaning up the nasty trail of unpaid debts I left around the country through my 20's.

I turn 32 in a few weeks. I pledged at 30 that I would be in better shape at 35. I'm running out of time.

Notice that I don't mention my family's needs. Well, I want to get married to Laura asap. The problem is that we've pledged not to get married until we're on better financial ground. This doesn't mean that we'll wait till I've built up a large savings or anything ridiculous like that. Rather it means that we need to be able to pay our bills together. There are certain details that I won't go into, but know that the above steps of eliminating liabilities is a key factor in that financial stability.

Right now, as stated in a pervious blog post, I'm in a tough spot financially. The next few weeks will be likely a 3x-day Ramen diet for me. Not fun, but I will do what I have to do. But in February, things will look a lot more stable. I just have to weather this month and then I can focus on digging out of this hole.

Phase 1 is officially back in action.

Boiling Point

Money makes the world go round, but it also is a great divider. It also can show a person's true character and willingness to understand your plight, and it can be a major point of contention and stress.

That's what I learned tenfold in recent weeks.

With studio revenues down to the point where I wasn't even breaking even, and other income sources running dry, I found myself faced with a lot of stress and anxiety. I found myself forced to make a decision. I blogged about that decision, which was to find a day job. I'm now working as a Medicare PDP provider for a teen who has autism, and it will pay almost the same as the job I left in February 2012.

I also re-signed up for classes. I don't want to live on student loans, but I can't lie and say that there isn't a financial reason I'm in school right now. Realizing it's debt that will have to be paid back later, I'm willing to take that in order to get a cushion that will help me stay afloat now. It's a gamble, and I don't like to gamble, but while I'm gambling I'm also gaining an education. I'm investing in myself. The major factor in this isn't money, but it is a vip in this game.

Bottom line is this. I've been broke my whole life. I tried to turn it around a year ago, and was on the path to doing just that. I had a savings, and was paying down credit cards. But 2012 has been a financial disaster for me. Unfortunately some didn't want to see that, and partnerships broke up because I couldn't be in a relationship where my time wasn't respected and I was expected to constantly work for the promise of "maybe we'll make a lot of money down the road"…when my kids are needing food now, getting paid down the road isn't a bet I'm willing to wager anymore. Writing was on the wall, it was clear that priorities were no longer aligned. Tensions were rising. I'm getting out.

Meanwhile, even though 2012 seemed to have a lot of promise as the summer came around and the new studio location opened, it became clear very soon that I didn't have enough clients to sustain it and I've been struggling just to pay the rent for a few months now. Business is business, and I'm working on turning it around, but when I can't contribute any of my income to pay the bills at home and feed the kids because I'm trying to keep this business afloat, it's clear that something has to change NOW.

Business is risk. I choose to take risks because I can see the potential payout later. However, I'm only willing to take calculated risks with low overhead and high return on investment. Sure, that's smart, but never a sure thing. Meanwhile, every business venture I've attempted this year has taken me down the road to the poor house while demanding tons of time away from my family and forcing me to stress to no end about how I'm going to pay for it all.

So I devised a business that would be completely online and have a very low overhead with a high profit margin. This business would have my daughters initials in the name, to remind me of what I was fighting for, and would be in place as a way to ensure their future in uncertain financial times. I'm still developing this business, and even though I don't know how to make it what I want it to be just yet, I know how to make it work and bring it to market. That's one thing I've fought with all year. I can't fine tune and tweak endlessly without bringing the product to market, because I can't afford to put that much time into that. However, when it was brought up that I was putting my time into this new venture, that was evidently the straw that broke the camel's back for the partnership I referenced above.

So here we are. I'm broke. In in that long period where I'm waiting way too long for my first paycheck from the new day job, which will be very small, while watching my available capitol dry up around me days before major bills are due (rent, ect). I'm also having services shut off.

Enough.

This cycle has to end.

So what can I do differently? Not really much right now, other than keep plugging and trying to get this new business operational before classes start in a few weeks. That's my window. I have to get this new site up and running by then, or the amount of time I'll have to focus on web development will be a lot more constricted. The business is designed to be easy to run with minimal effort, which would work out well for a guy like me (running a studio while working a 30 hour-week day job and taking 12 credit hours of classes and raising two teens who have autism…). Essentially I focus on marketing, do some minor file maintenance and billing, and then collect money. With a social media model rather than an advertising model, the advertising budget is minimal. This leads to high profit margins, and an overhead that is so low you can't limbo under it. I can run this business from anywhere that I have an internet connection, so I can take it with me on vacation as long as I have my iPhone.

But the business isn't live. So I'm caught in another struggle of putting time into something that hasn't paid me a dime yet. The difference this time is, no one is here to argue that it can't go live until it reaches a certain arbitrary point, and no one is here to set that arbitrary point so high that it's impossible to sustain with no returns on the investment. I'm in this alone, with guidance from others, but the decisions are ultimately mine. I'm in charge of my own destiny here, and no one can dip their fingers in the bowl and fowl up the original vision. So this one makes me happy to put time into, because I can see this one having a potentially high return with unlimited growth!

Besides, I'm doing this one for my daughters. They'll need lifelong care (thanks autism), and I can't provide that on promises and unemployment. They are my number one priority in life now, and every move I make is to give them a better life.

But even at home there is frustration. While in training to be a PDP provider, they tell all new providers to ensure that we have adequate down time. It can be very frustrating to assist someone with special needs, and you can't take that out on them, but if you don't give yourself down time from it to relax and recover, you'll get burnt out quick.

I've been on my job for a week now in the home, and then coming home all week to my daughters. Where is my downtime? Just as I try to find some, a money issue or a weather issue throws a wrench in my plans and I have to postpone my recovery yet again. Then there are people who are constantly hounding me about things, or changing their plans, and further complicating my life. Yeah, I signed up for it, but that doesn't mean it won't have it's consequences on my health. I'm tense today, and can't pull out of it. I'm not making enough money, my daughters are acting up and becoming defiant little teenage firecrackers (atta-girls!), my new day job has had a lot of unpredictability in it's schedule thanks to the holiday break and illness in the family, people are getting pissed at me left and right and acting like I'm letting them down (while failing to see just how hard I'm fighting)…

I've reached a boiling point. I've also reached a new level of thinking. My first priority is, and always will be, to ensure the future of my children. Second will be to ensure the longevity of my future marriage to Laura. My own needs and wants will come third, but before business I have to ensure my own sanity. Running a business can make you insane, and raising children who have autism doesn't exactly relieve stress. With as much as I've been forced to pack on to keep it together (whatever the FUCK that means), I can't be an efficient business man if I'm not taking care of myself. So my needs as a person come third.

Part of those needs include my own future. Owning a business isn't a guarantee of success, and while others got mad when I'd point out the unlikely odds against us, I choose to live in the real world and understand that just because I make it doesn't mean they'll come. So if all of those business endeavors fall through, I've got my education to help me find new opportunities to survive and thrive.

Part of those needs also include downtime. I find solace in photography, and in downtime with Laura. Those things I'll always have to make time for. So…

1. Kids.
2. Laura.
3. School / Personal Downtime.

4. Everything and everyone else. No exceptions. Period.

Renew and review

I think I'm coming to a head with a few things in my life. Financially, mentally, physically…

The studio is a great asset, but let's be honest. It's not paying the bills. It has been barely breaking even, and now that revenues are down 25% it's practically not even doing that. So if I can't break even, I can' t profit. If I can't profit, I can't put food on the table at home. I'm working a job that, while tons of fun, is getting me nowhere in life. It's not advancing me or my family, and my family has to eat. So I've been working on a few other things to try to spur revenues and keep the bills paid.

1 - I got a job. I start next week at my first day job since I lost my call center job in February. It's time to face facts, this ship isn't sailing. It's merely treading water. Meanwhile, I've got a hold to dig out of. The first thing you do when you find yourself in a hole is stop digging.

This will be a temporary situation, but it will be a rewarding one. I'll be providing respite care for a family who has children with autism.

2 - I've also re-enrolled in school. This time, I'm going not for business or marketing. I'm going to re-sharpen my production skills. I'm getting work in this field, I wanna sharpen the skills I'm already using. I start in January, as long as my financial aid comes through, and I'll be taking classes on campus rather than online this time. After all, online classes were so easy to let go that when life got tough I let them fall to the wayside. Time to start fresh and go to campus.

3 - I'm starting a new business. CLMastering will offer audio mastering worldwide. Unlike the studio, where I'm paid per hour of my work (and therefore has limited growth opportunity because there are only so many hours in a day), CLMastering has unlimited growth potential and will cater to a worldwide market. More on that to come, but I hope to be active by February or March.

The bottom line is that I've seen the writing on the wall. My family needs me to bring it home, and if the studio isn't catching on it's time to focus on what will. I'll keep the studio open, and I'll hope it grows, but my back is against a wall. If something isn't serving my family, it needs to be lowered in priority. Period. I'll never achieve my 5 year plan if I don't turn things around NOW.

So the next few weeks will bring a lot of changes. Let's just hope they are for the best.

Motivation

I'm sitting here at the studio, and am watching "Ride The  Divide", which is the film that inspired me to ride the great divide trail before I turn 40. I'm drinking my coffee, and watching the footage of the mountains, and thinking positively about my future. It makes me want to just kick ass and focus only on what will benefit me and my family.

I've had some confidence hits recently. But I've had events that gave me faith too. The confidence hits were caused by a lull in clients at the studio, but those things are going to happen. It's a cyclical business, and I can't let that get me down. But there's another thing that's had me acting somewhat irrationally. There was a studio in Columbus that had name recognition, and they had to close down a few years ago. They are re-opening in the building LITERALLY right behind my studio. I'll have a competitor 50 feet from my front door! That's a bit nerve wracking, but if I take the proximity of our studios out of the picture, the proximity doesn't matter in the least. If he were 50 feet or 20 miles, he'd still be another local option that I'd have to compete with. This guy's been in the game longer, has a local contact list, has name recognition, and can out-gear me any day of the week.

So those two issues have had a big hit on my confidence. But I need to get over that and move on. To help me regroup, I've been working hard on some promotional efforts. I've been going to shows every weekend, which is something I'd been not focusing on. I've been making new materials with viral sharing in mind. I've been working on my social presence online. I've even painstakingly been trying to improve my skills in every way I can so that I can compete with ALL of the local competition with ease. This has included lots of feedback from other engineers who aren't in my local market, and their input has been invaluable in helping me get better as quickly as I can. I've even been focusing on diversifying my product line so that I can offer something to folks who may not need recording or mixing services. I'm going to explore the opportunity to get into Audio Post work.

What I've learned about myself from the above is that even if I face something that seems bleak, and even if I let the stress get to me (which happened HARDCORE over the last couple of weeks), I always seem to find my way back to the positive place I need to be in order to move forward.

I've also learned that I have a rock to lean on when things seem bleak. Laura has been the most wonderful presence in my life, and has gone to extraordinary measures for the sake of our happiness and to feed the hunger in my soul. Without her, the bleak times would be even bleaker, and I find myself needing her grace more and more every day.

In fact, Laura helped me achieve something that I needed very much for the sake of the wounds my soul suffered upon my departure from the Colorado Rockies in 2010. We planned to make it out there this summer, and it was there that I planned to propose to her, but it didn't look possible due to financial reasons. Because of that, I took her to the Great Smoky Mountains, and it was there that she agreed to spend the rest of her life with me as my wife.  That day, she made me the happiest I've ever been in my life. The high lasted for days for me.

My heart still yearned for the west, however. It was very distressing that I didn't believe I could make it out there again, even after plans to go had to be cancelled. But in the middle of the summer, Laura suggested that we make a trip to Denver work somehow, and in August we hit the road for my first trip west in over two years.

Upon seeing the mountains for the first time, I felt like I was at home again. Being able to show Laura all the amazing sights that I had fallen in love with so hard meant the world to me. I broke down crying as I showed her the view from atop Conifer Mountain, which is where I used to live. I broke down crying again when she told me on our way to the San Luis Valley that she felt very at home there and could see living there with me very easily. It was an extremely medicinal experience for the part of my soul that was damaged by my departure from the Rocky Mountains. Laura and I visited our fourth national park, the Great Sand Dunes National Park, and it was by far the most fun park either of us have ever been too. She handled the altitude much better than I anticipated, considering her athsma, and even was able to handle the 14,000 foot ascent up Mount Evans before getting irritable due to the altitude.

Being able to see my mountains again, and to see the land that I love with every fiber of my soul, and to share it with the woman who has inspired the largest soul searching transformation I've ever undergone…..it was an extremely rehabilitative experience.


I've found myself not missing the mountains at any great extent since our trip. Laura speculated that I needed the trip to prove that I could make it out there again, and I think she was right. The trip helped us grow even closer than we already are, and made both of us think about our future together and with our daughters Lotus and Celest. It made me extremely confident about every aspect of my future. I still yearn to be there, amongst the great beauty of the west, but I think being there with Laura helped me make peace with my separation and bought me time and sanity.

As I write this blog post, I reflect on the events of the last two months. I see one constant. Laura. When I need strength, she does what she can to feed my soul. When I'm feeling on top, she's there to celebrate my victories and give further encouragement. Laura is my rock. Without her, I know my journey would be a difficult one.

Laura, thank you for constantly being a source of inspiration to me, and a reason for me to keep fighting. Thank you for keeping me grounded, and thank you for helping me keep moving on. I love you more each and every day.

 

Stress

The new studio has been up and running in Grove City for almost 3 months now. I've had several great rock bands, as well as hip hop artists, and a little bit of R&B come through my door. It's been fun.

But it's also slowing down a bit. So I'm looking into some new opportunities while things are slow, but those are hard to find in Central Ohio. I've decided to shift focus toward business audio for now, while ramping up significantly my marketing efforts by showing more of a presence in the local music scene.

Compounding things is the fact that a well established studio who had been closed for a few years is re-opening in the building literally right behind me. This has me concerned about people's perception of me and my operation, and I'm stressing out over every detail of my products overall quality level. I HAVE to be every bit as good as this guy, who can out-gear me any day of the week. Despite my fervent belief that gear doesn't make records, if you take two engineers who have good ears the client will probably choose the one with the gear.

So I've got to shift my product focus onto me, the engineer, and the value that I alone bring to the table. In order for me to be competitive in this dried up music market (hey, it's not Nashville or LA people), I have to do some PR work and increase the value of working with ME. The recording is the product overall, but what makes people come to me has to be the ME factor.

So I'm trying to improve my product in every way possible. I've been working on a mix that I recorded in the studio back in July as a tester for the new studio. I gave it to this band for free, and am now using the tracks I recorded to pull out all the stops. I've since found weaknesses in my room I've had to adapt to, which I've been able to overcome on a temporary basis. I've also found weaknesses in my workflow that I've been working to overcome thanks to the help of several of my engineer friends around the country.

But all of this has me second guessing the smallest of decisions in my mixes. I feel like I'm hitting a wall psychologically, and will have to climb over that to get back to full confidence.

Couple that with a recent head cold that clogged up my ears, which I'm only today finally recovering from, and you can see why I'm a bit stressed. Each day that goes by that I don't release this spectacular mix to the public, the neighboring studio gets closer to opening. But bouncing mixes off of several engineers while taking ear breaks for head colds takes valuable time. So I'm trying to offset that time by going to shows and networking.

I started going to shows again last weekend. I went to a show hosted by a friend of mine who runs Audiology Sound Studios, a neighboring studio. It was a charity show for his Music Is Life foundation. The line-up of the show consisted of at least one client, Bleeding Ink, as well as a large group of other artists who I was able to network with. Many of these artists I'd never seen live before, and some I'd never even heard of before. It was a great chance to network, but only one won't do it. I need a regular presence in this local scene if people are going to think of me. I need to talk to them about what I do, and I need to act fast. This will probably have to be an every-weekend venture for me. After all, you can't stop hunting, or else you'll starve.

Meanwhile, I'll be setting up a conference call with a business associate in Colorado at Swanpro Studios to go over some ways that I can get into the post audio market. Post audio production is more lucrative with more consistent work, and that is exactly what I need to make my 5 year goal a reality. At this point, I have 4.25 years to go. That's starting to not seem like a long time.

So I've got a long way to go, and a lot of work to do to get there. But now that I'm a family man, and I have two beautiful daughters counting on me, I can't rest on my laurels anymore. I must fight for my career for the sake of my family, and I need to do what it takes to psych myself up and get motivated.

In an odd way, I've turned to survival shows on Netflix as a source of motivation. Seeing people taking every measure necessary JUST to SURVIVE makes me feel blessed to have things as easy as I do, and makes me realize that the only hurdle to what I want in life is myself. It makes me realize that failure isn't so bad, because things could always be a lot worse. Even if I were homeless, it makes me realize that I'd be ok because I could find a way to make it. So that relieves some of my stress, while motivating me to continue forward toward my goals.

But it's not always easy getting over my own self-consciousness to find the motivation on the other side. I'm always worried about disappointing Laura, whom I would give my life for, and feel major guilt that I'm unable to be a better provider at this moment. But seeing her struggle so hard for our family motivates me 10 times more than anything else when I stop and think about it. She's given me everything she can, every part of her. Now it's time for me to take that and use it for the betterment of our whole family.

So to any competition that comes my way, you'd better look out. There's nothing more fearful than a determined underdog.

Revisiting Phase 1

After my job loss, thanks to steps I had taken in Phases 1 and 2, I was able to stay afloat for a few months. Thanks to Laura, Phase 3 has now come to fruition and I've made it out of Marion once and for all. But now, thanks in part to all the life changes over the last 4 months and also to my own laziness, I've slacked off in school. If I haven't flunked out completely, it's time to completely rededicate myself to my education. Taking online classes was a good idea for my previous situation, but I had too many things going on at once to stay focused. Now that the proverbial fat has been trimmed, I've got more time to focus on my education. I'm going to talk to Columbus State to see if I can keep at it and start taking classes on campus this fall. I've got to call them, explain the challenges that I had to face before that are now out of the way, and explain my dedication to trying again. Hopefully, they'll see that I'm not just some pimplefaced teen who was being lazy, and will let me continue.

The thing is that now is the time to invest in myself. I'm taking the leap to make the studio a full time operation. That's an investment in my own career. I should also invest in my education to make my life better in the long term. Aside from having financial aid as a fall back in my personal savings, it's a good idea because of the long term benefits that can come from an education. I know that, for most people, an education no longer guarantees you a job. However, as an entrepreneur, I'm picking up that torch for myself anyway. If I fail, it's my fault. My education should be focused on skills that will help me stay competitive in my chosen field, so I'm going to continue the marketing courses. But I may change my major entirely and focus it more along sharpening my media production skills. The marketing stuff is pretty boring, especially when taken online. I think if I take classes on campus, it'll be easier for me to retain the information. I'm a visual learner, not a book learner. My distance from campus impeded my ability to reasonably make it to class. Now that I'm in Columbus, hopefully it'll be much easier.

So fingers crossed that I can continue the goal of a higher education this fall. I'm taking the summer off, and will focus on building the business. But come hell or high water, I will find a way to be in the classroom in September.

Phase 3 revisited - Getting the HELL out of Marion!

I wrote about Phase 3 of my life's reconstruction on February 1st. Later that day, I got laid off, and Phase 3 was put on hold. But now, thanks to a loving fiance and ambitions of building a better life for both of us, Phase 3 is back in action!


Phase 3 - Get the HELL out of Marion!


I've grown increasingly frustrated at how much being left in this town has held me back. I didn't' wanna move here, but was told that we should because someone else thought it would be easier on them. That person left me here to make things easier on them, and didn't give me any reasonable options for getting out of here. I've struggled with being stuck here since then, and grew kinda desperate at times. But now it seems that I have been given an olive branch.

Laura's mission is to get me out of Marion by August. That may come sooner than that, in all likelihood, as my unemployment ends in less than 2 weeks and I'll not be able to pay rent once the money I have saved is exhausted. It's hard enough getting clients to drive to Marion from Columbus, and Marion just doesn't have a music scene that's able to sustain my business. So with little business coming to Marion, and money reserves drying up, it's time to make some serious changes.

It's go time.

So here's the plan. Laura and I have decided to move in together. The studio would be minimized to a mobile operation while I'm getting set up in a new location, but the goal is to rent a location and set up shop there. This would ideally be a warehouse, but it could also be a home in the Columbus area. I've found some warehouses on the east side of Columbus for roughly the same money I'm paying to rent my current space in Marion. Regardless of it's new setting, it wouldn't be ideal to set up in the home Laura and I will soon share. But the good thing is that having my own dedicated space means that the studio would be a more professional environment. It would be it's own space, and it would make it easier to keep my home life and my work life separate

The living situation would work well too. I could work part time to fund the new studio's location, while being left with enough to pay the shared bills. The bills would be a lot cheaper combined than they are solo, and it just makes sense. I've already proposed, she said yes. There's no reason not to move in with her.

I feel rather humbled knowing that my fiance is in this to help me succeed. It's an amazing feeling knowing that someone is looking out for me, and I hope I can return the favor one day. So things are looking up, and there's some positive changes coming to my life over the summer of 2012. This will be my year, and I'm excited.

Becoming a father.

I've had people tell me in the past that there was no reason I shouldn't be making $60,000 per year. I've been told I've got the skills needed to land a great job by people I would like to think were unbiased. I fear that the circumstances I was born into, coupled with the fact that I have had no idea where to look for such work, have led me to be what I am. Technically I'm unemployed, and I don't have much to my name. I'm skating by on unemployment, and trying to peruse an education so that I can better myself.

For whatever reason I've made my mind up that the life for me is as a self made man, being self employed and completely self reliant. This may be one of the attributes that others saw in me that caused them to believe I should be earning more than a deli workers salary, or that of a call center operator. But considering that most entrepreneurs are generally broke for the first two years of their entrepreneurial endeavor, it's not hard to see me not being on very solid financial ground at this exact moment.

And for a while, the hope and dream that I'd someday be able to live the easy life making enough money to live very comfortably was enough to pacify me. I had a goal, I set a date, and I've been working to make that happen.

But recently, the perceptions changed. I'm going to be a father, and although the children won't have a single strand of my DNA, they will be reliant on whatever income Laura and I can earn. Factor in that both of my daughters have autism, and you see that I've got a lot to provide for. This isn't about me, and this isn't about wanting to live life on a permanent vacation. This is now about Lotus and Celest, my teenage twin daughters who will need lifelong care. This is about ensuring that they are taken care of far beyond my own expiration date, which I hope will be a long time away.

This is about giving my daughters the best life I can give them, at all costs.

I'm about to ramp up my efforts to bring revenues in to the studio, but I know that may not be enough before the money I'm living off of runs dry. I'm going to have to consider that the last two months of living this way may have to come to an end very soon as I am faced with the prospect of needing to find another job.

Meanwhile, I'm hesitant to give in. Sure, finding a job wouldn't be a defeat. It would just be a temporary means to an end, and would help ensure that I could continue where I left off two months ago with getting myself out of debt and building a better net worth for myself and my family. But even if I find another job, and I thrive at that, who says that's a defeat? It may mean I'm not as available as I am right this moment to bring someone into the studio to put down tracks, but it won't mean I'm closing up shop. It may mean that I'll be able to keep a roof over my head while I focus more on the studio on the side, all he while establishing a foundation for a better life for my family.

I don't want to take this road just yet, but I've got to examine the very real possibility that I'll have to do this very soon.

So here I sit right now, doing homework. Accounting homework, when you're 31, is just as boring as it would've been to me at 18. Factor in the adult ADHD and Facebook, and it's tough to keep focused. After all, right now I'm blogging instead of studying, and I have a test tomorrow…..lol.

But something happened today that's strengthening my resolve to fight. I'm actually proud that I've been able to focus, and one thing is getting me through it. My family.

Laura sent me a video today of Celest asking to to go the Aquarium. We're planning to go to the Newport Aquarium tomorrow, and it'll be Celest's first visit there. She found out a few days ago that we were going, and has been begging to go ever since.

Laura today stated to me that this year would be my first ever fathers day as a father.

Here I sit, with an indescribable feeling of joy inside, thinking about my new family and how much I love them. I'm also thinking about how much I want for them, which pushes me back to working. And when I start to get distracted by my ADHD, I look at a picture of my daughters that I took a few weeks ago. It keeps me moving.

Right now, I'm fighting for my family. I have some tough decisions ahead that may be very necessary, but also worth it. After all, now I've got a family to think about.

So back to work I go. Time to fight for my family.

Honing my craft.

I got up this morning feeling productive. I drank my coffee, then took my daily walk with my iPhone loaded with pod casts. The podcast of choice for today….Sales Guy's Quick And Dirty Tips For Getting The Deal Done.

As I walked and listened to the podcast, they said one thing that showed me what I needed to do. They said to never forget that sales is merely discovering the need of the client, and telling them how you can meet that need. So in order to find out what their needs may really be, you should ask a lot of questions to really find the best way you can meet their needs.

While listening to this on my daily 2 mile walk, I pulled out my phone and started asking musicians on Facebook about their musical projects. Instead of coming in with "Hey I have a studio", I heard them out to see what they needed and found out what they were currently up to. When I found an in, I mentioned how I could help with a specific need they were having without being too pushy. It seems to have struck up several conversations today on Facebook that could lead to business.

So to anyone looking to hone their sales craft, I recommend that podcast. It's already helped me by giving me a clearer focus on how to find out what the musicians are looking for! Now I feel pumped and motivated to get out to shows and talk business with prospective clients! I've been going about it all wrong, and now I know what needs to be done!

Here I come Columbus. 4.6 years to get to the top, and I now see the path.

What needs to change.

Ok, I'm examining what I need to do in order to pull off the monumental tasks ahead of me in life. Let's look at the immediate needs, specifically for the studio.



By December 31st, 2017, the aim is to have carved out a place at the top of the list in Central Ohio for Skyline Sound Studios. I'm aiming for the top, and plan to make it a self sustaining enterprise. Self sustaining, meaning that I'll have set it up to generate money on it's own while I sit back and collect a share of the profits.

In order to get to this….



….from this….



….I've got a long way to go. This means that I need clients asap. In order to get those clients, I need to sharpen my sales skills. This is only dawning on me now with a clear focus, even though it would've seemed to have been obvious. I knew I needed more business, but for some reason it's only now dawning on me that I need to focus my sales approach.

So I'm gonna look into some podcasts about sales, and try to make more of a presence for myself at shows in Columbus. I'm thinking tomorrow night one might find me on campus spreading business cards and getting chatty with musicians. We'll see.

Wish me luck.

Fatherhood.

There is a lot I want to accomplish in this life.

I've gone over my 5 year plan on this blog several times. None of that has changed, but I'm feeling a lot more pressure to succeed now that I'm not the only one relying on that success. Now that I've got two beautiful soon-to-be-daughters to worry about, and a soon-to-be-wife whom I couldn't live without if I tried (I know from experience), the pressure is on.

The thing is that Laura and I are very open and honest with each other about how we feel. I keep getting into a deep concerned state of mind, and I'm worried that she'll think I'm getting cold feet. That couldn't be further from the truth, but I don't blame her for having that response. Of course I'm nervous about becoming a father, and about being able to provide. That part is really getting to me right now, and it will until this whole thing sinks in. It still doesn't feel real in some ways that she said yes, and that we'll be planning the rest of our lives together. It'll sink in soon enough and feel real, and at that time I'll realize inside that nothing has really changed. The commitment and desire to be there for her and the kids has been there for a few months now. All that's changed now is that I put a ring on her finger.

Oh man, mentioning the ring on her finger made me think about how beautiful she'll be on our wedding day. Here I go getting all girly, but I really can't wait for that day. I love her.

And it's that fact alone that makes me know that I'm not going to change my mind and back out. The concern I feel is merely the pressure of affirming that I'm accepting fatherhood for the first time in my life, and worrying about what that will involve. It's about worrying that I'll fail. It's about worrying that even if I don't fail, that it won't be enough.

I love her to death. I love my soon-to-be-daughters too. It's times like this I'm glad I can turn to this blog, because it helps me put things into perspective. This fear isn't a bad thing, it's a good thing. I've got to get through it and use it as a motivator. I've got a lot I have to achieve for Laura, Celest, Lotus, and myself.

…..

Wow. I just realized. I'm going to have a family. I knew it, but it was one of those revelations that just truly sunk in. It's like typing this very blog post has helped make it all very real for me, and I'm extremely happy now. Those girls will be my daughters, and that woman will be my wife. They will be my family.

Fear just turned into acceptance and love, at least in this moment. I'm writing my thoughts here unfiltered as they are happening, and I feel pretty amazing right now.

Even if I fail, I want to try. It's time to stop being a boy and become a man. I'm no longer the most important in the equation, and I welcome the challenges ahead of me.

But now I am strengthened. I know that I need to improve myself, and I've got a lot of work to do. It's time to get moving ahead in life.

Life, worries, and why it's worth it.

There's a lot I feel the need to say in this blog. It could be more like a mini-novel. Just a warning.

My last blog indicated that there were big things that happened in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park. That's right, and it's good news. On our trip back from Atlanta, we went to see the Smokies. I found a secluded place we could pull off and have to ourselves, which had a lot of stunning mountain views. I then took Laura down to a spot out of sight of the road.

It was there that I proposed. She said yes!



Let's explain what had happened. You see, ever since my cancer scare last October, I began examining my life and what I wanted out of it in a very in depth way. I decided that I couldn't live my life without Laura, and that led me to examine what I wanted out of our relationship. There were a lot of heavy things I had to consider, including her two children with special needs. I mean, if I wanted her in my life forever, would I be able to step in and care for two special needs teenagers when I never wanted to kids to begin with?

I knew after last October's cancer scare what was in my heart. But my head wanted me to be absolutely sure, which is why I started trying to be a presence in the girl's lives. After all, if I were to take that plunge, I'd then be responsible for them. After some soul searching, I realized that I had the desire to make it work out. I began to make efforts to spend some time here and there with the girls to get to know them. Celest now asks to go to my house, despite the fact that it's a 60 mile drive, because she loves my electronic drum set. Lotus seems to enjoy it as well, but not nearly as much as Celest. I've grown to love both of them, and want nothing but the best for them. Part of me wishes that I were in a better financial state at 31 years old, so that I could be better equipped to take care of them. Suffice it to say, I realized that I could lay it all on the line for Lotus and Celest, and that they are a part of the woman that I love.

Once I was absolutely sure, the plan was to take Laura to Colorado in June. We even set a date for the trip. Knowing what I was planning, I started dropping hints to myself in my blog so that I could look back on it fondly and point out to her where I had foreshadowed my proposal ("I'll just say this. It's going to be a trip that won't be forgotten."). I was going to buy a ring and pay for our vacation, all with my tax return, while continuing to dig myself out of the financial hole with my day job pay.

My plan was to get Laura to fall in love with the Rockies by driving her to all the wonderful sights I knew of. These included at least two national parks (Great Sand Dunes NP and Rocky Mountain NP at minimum), a drive through the San Luis Valley that makes my heart sing so much, and a drive up to the summit of Mount Evans. As much as I was feeling a need to be in the mountains again all the way to the bottom of my soul, I felt it only fitting that when I tell Laura how I really felt deep down, that it be in an area that meant something to me. If I were with the woman that I loved in the place that I loved, all would be right with the world for that moment and my proposal would mean more to me. So the plan was to ask her to marry me on the summit of Mount Evans.

But that plan was derailed when I was laid off on February 1st. I no longer knew whether or not I would be able to afford the trip, let alone rent. Not knowing that I'll be able to afford my Colorado trip in June really broke my heart, especially since I was planning something of this magnitude to take place during that trip. But in many ways, I feel that my job loss was a blessing. That, however, is a different blog post.

Laura and I had planned a trip to Atlanta during spring break after I went to Atlanta to visit family last Thanksgiving. I took a trip through the Great Smoky Mountains NP on my way back to Ohio on that trip, and fell in love with that park. Though it wasn't the same as being in Colorado, it was close enough to provide solace to my yearning for a mountainous landscape. When I feel the call, it's only 7 hours away. We planned this trip before I lost my job, but since I realized that I was going to be ok financially thanks to steps I took after my last job loss, we made the trip. I mean, it would cost about 3.5 tanks of gas, and room and board were provided by family. It's a quick, easy, cheap way to get away.

I had tossed around the idea of proposing to Laura on the trip to Atlanta while in the Smokies. After all, I couldn't' guarantee that I could make it to Colorado like I had hoped. How long was I going to wait? The urge to pop the question kept brewing up in me, and I almost asked on several occasions where the moment seemed right. But I held off, cause I'm a bit girly at times and didn't want to let go of my mountain proposal. But I really was fighting with myself deciding whether to compromise for the Smokies, or wait for a trip that may not happen this year.

About two weeks ago, I had an epiphany that made my decision clear. We don't have very long on this earth. It was one of those moments that really makes that fact hit you to the core, even though you already are aware of that fact. Nothing happened to trigger it, rather it was a sudden random realization. We don't have long on this planet, and all the money and material bullshit is just bullshit. The important things in life are who you spend it with and that you grab what you want now instead of waiting. There may not be a tomorrow, so get it now and value it. So that's what I decided to do. I would propose in the Smokies.

Saturday morning in Atlanta, before Laura and I went to Stone Mountain, my aunt is cutting my hair and starts asking me about Laura. She asks if I'm happy, then asks if I'm gonna propose. When I answered yes, this was like the first acknowledgement of this fact to anyone in person. I'd had chats with a friend in Indiana (thanks Kyle) about it, but this was my first vocalization of it to another person. This made it more real, but it didn't change my mind. It was a good acknowledgment to make to myself, and cemented my goal of doing it on that trip.

My aunt freaked out, and started getting really girly. When I told Cheryl that I didn't have a ring to give Laura, she whisked me up to her jewelry collection and started looking for a ring to give me as an heirloom. She then found a sneaky way of getting Laura's ring size, which luckily was really close to her own size. So Cheryl found a ring, cleaned it, and put it in a box. I hid it in my laundry, then my aunt and uncle prayed for a long healthy marriage.

When Laura and I took off for Stone Mountain, Cheryl made reservations at a nice, albeit expensive, Italian restaurant. She insisted that they break their rule of not reserving specific tables because she wanted to get us this nice corner table with a view. I think it was named ""Tuscany", and was only a few miles from their home in Woodstock Georgia. Cheryl was hoping I'd propose at the restaurant in front of her, which was out of the question because I wanted it to be a more personal intimate proposal, but this is why Cheryl went through all the trouble to get the perfect table and make a nice evening for us. I appreciate it, and it was a great gesture, it just wasn't how I wanted to do it.

That night, I couldn't sleep. Something Rick had said while praying for our union stuck in my head, and made me briefly re-examine. He prayed that I'd have the strength to be a father to her children. This brought up my fear of not being able to provide for them, and made me question whether it was the right time. But as I lie there next to her, I'd look at her and those fears were put to rest. I would find a way to make it work…..because it's worth it.

So after only 5 hours of sleep, I wake up at 5 am and start packing to leave for the Smokies. By 6:30, we were in the car and on our way. By almost 10 am, we were in the park. This was a big deal to me on another level because this was Laura's first trip to a national park. I wanted it to really impress. We entered on the North Carolina side near Cherokee. Not far into the park, we found a visitor center with memorabilia and park rangers. I bought a couple of shirts for Laura's kids, then bought a magnet from the park to commemorate the trip. I had a collection of magnets from parks that I'd visited previously in my last relationship, but she took them when she moved out. Laura and I decided to start our own collection to commemorate our travels to the parks. So we bought our first national park magnet, which is now on my fridge.



While in the park, we also bought National Park Passports that we can have stamped as we "collect" our parks together. They are kept in my car, and have a date stamp for the date we went to our first park together.

We found out that due to the unusually warm winter, they opened the lookout on Clingman's dome early for the season. That very day was the first day it was open for the season, though it normally is closed till April 1st. So we embarked on our trip up the park road. As we started climbing through the switchbacks looking at mountain vistas and feeling in awe of the landscapes that surrounded me, I could feel that it was right. I was gonna do it, and nothing was gonna stop me. So I found a pull off with an amazing panorama. Fortunately it was early in the day so there weren't many tourists on the park service road, and the pull off I found was empty other than our car.

I remembered this spot specifically because this was the only place in the park I could get reception on my phone. I called Laura from this spot on my last trip through the park last November to tell her how much i wished she were there because it was so amazingly beautiful. I actually thought to myself last November that this spot would make a great place for the proposal if Colorado doesn't work out for some reason.

And 4 months later, I have Laura in that spot. I take her by the hand, and lead her down a little path into the foliage. We were alone, even if someone pulled into the parking lot above. It was here that I let it out.

I had rehearsed this about 50 times in my head, but when it came down to THE moment, my brain stopped wanting to work. So I stuck with the cliffnotes. lol.

When I told her how I felt, and that I couldn't imagine anything in my life being the same without her in it, I then asked her to marry me. This clearly caught her off guard, cause she seemed stunned, but after a half second pause (which seemed like an eternity to me…..), she said yes.

The rest of the trip in the park seemed to be that much more awesome because of this amazing connection that had been made. I do feel like we connected on such a deeper level because of it, and that feeling persists now. I can feel it now very strongly despite our 60 mile distance from each other at this moment. We drove through the rest of the park seeing the sights with a visible glow about us.



I feel that this has brought us closer in a lot of ways. I couldn't be happier that she said yes. Having done it, I'm glad I didn't wait for what my head told me was the right moment (i.e. Colorado), because it's not about knowing what you want and waiting for it to happen. It's about knowing what you want and going for it when you want it. I wanted my engagement ring on her finger, and I didn't want to wait any longer to ask if I could put it there.

And although I'm extremely happy about the fact that it's happened, late at night I sit up anxiously worrying about getting my shit in order. I mean, I now will have to be a provider not just for myself, but for 3 other people. I'm not going to back out of this, that's not what my anxiousness is about. I am however terrified. I'm 31, I don't have anything to offer except a wing and a prayer, and I'm taking on responsibility for other human beings who will be completely dependent on me and Laura.

In other words, if I fail now, I'm not the only one who goes under. Things were easier in my previous relationship, because not as much was on the line and I hadn't matured enough yet to really give a damn about money and our future. This is one thing I feel tore that relationship apart. What if I can't get my shit together now? Much more is on the line now.

I came back to Ohio with an extreme can-do attitude. But when I woke up the next morning I started feeling the first real waves of fear. But I imagine most new fathers feel this fear when they find out they will be responsible for another person. I'm just feeling it for the first time at 31, and they aren't even my kids. That doesn't mean I won't do everything I can for them as though they were my kids, but feeling that fear of the "what if" makes me feel kinda numb and disconnected when I'm by myself.

I'm trying to keep my feelings and emotions in check so that nothing builds up inside, so before going to bed I explored myself and found this wall of fear. Laura and I have talked about this already, and I didn't wanna wake her up with it, so I turned to the blog. But what started as a quick explanation of the fear I was feeling has taken me 90 minutes to write.

I do feel better after writing it, and I do look forward to many happy and healthy years ahead with my future wife. She's such an amazing woman, and she gives me strength to make myself a better person. But I know that if I never amount to anything, she'll still love me just the same. It's a wonderful feeling to know that to the very core of yourself. I couldn't ask for a better best friend and companion to share my life with. I look forward to many travels and life experiences, and I look forward to the good times and the bad. I want it all, as long as she's with me for it all.



I love you Laura.

Random

Here I sit in my new control room, which currently lacks acoustic treatment, so any mixing activities would have to take place via headphones until Wednesday when I will have assistance in placing the new acoustical panels. Here's a photo of the current state of the room.



The panels in the corner aren't going to look like that when all is said and done. I've wrapped them in one layer of fabric, and there will be another going over that which will be more appealing to the eye. I'm going to go get some speaker stands tomorrow in all likelyhood, as I'll be in Columbus anyway to take a test.

The panels you see in the corners, which are just leaning there for now, are helping to absorb some of the bass frequencies that were out of control in my other control room. I've graduated from this....



.....which features the ghetto-phonic blankets on the walls to help control room acoustics. It's kind of interesting to see this new phase of evolution when it's compared to what I've worked with in the past. I wish I had photos of my audio desk in Indiana, and my desk at my home on Apache Spring Drive in Conifer Colorado, but I do have my Kings Valley studio photos to start my evolution display. So let's examine. And yes, I know I've shown some of these pics in my blog before.

This was master control at my Kings Valley studio when I first moved to Kings Valley in 2009.



Thanks to a chance meeting with Bob Swanson, I graduated to this within a few months. This is likely February 2010.



Here's a video I shot giving a tour of the Kings Valley studio after Bob Swanson's generosity.



After moving to Marion, Ohio, in June 2010, I was able to take over more space for recording purposes. Now I have a live room, which is pictured below.



But my control room was far from aesthetically pleasing. It was rather ghetto-phonic, but functional. Here is my control room as of last night before tearing it down and moving it to the new control room.




And now, you see the in-progress control room for Skyline Sound Studios pictured below! This photo was taken last night after moving the gear to the new room and setting it up. There's still a lot of work that needs to be done to the new Master Control, but in just 2.5 years my studio has come a long way (figuratively and physically...lol).



So here I sit in my new control room, of which I'm really proud despite it's humble appearance. It'll be booming soon enough when the treatment goes up later this week, and the new speaker stands will help me increase the stereo field by allowing me to put the speakers further back away from the captains chair. The new room is going to be less embarrassing to bring clients into, while not requiring a significant monetary investment (I don't wanna put a lot of money into a place I plan on leaving by summer's end).

On that note, here I sit partially proud of the new control room, and partially contemplative of my future. My income is far less certain than it was 3 weeks ago. I'm trying to make a go of things as is, and we'll see how far I can take it, but I'm feeling kind of anxious about reaching my goals. I've got lofty ones, I realize that, but they are kind of intimidating.

I think about the 5 year goal, and I wonder what the next phase would be in getting me to that goal. I think about the possibilities of my free time, and how far I can take things now that I have the ability to focus on my life on my terms. I think about what would happen if I'm not financially stable when the unemployment runs out. I think about new ventures that I plan to undertake and what would happen if I were to fail at them.

It's a lot to think about, and those thoughts tend to keep me weighed down. I guess that's one of the other reasons I blog, because now that I'm nearing the end of the blog I'm feeling like getting off my ass and tackling the world. So sometimes, aimless undirectional rants are a good thing it would seem.

Ok, lots to do. Bye.

Rejuvinating effect.....

I can't explain it, but if you've ever been in love with a landscape, you'll understand it.

I had switched my computer's wallpaper to a picture of Olive as a puppy after hearing of her passing Saturday. Then, every time that I'd go back to my desktop it was like a punch in the chest.

I just decided that I needed to change it to something more uplifting. I chose a picture taken on the shores of Jackson Lake of The Tetons.



Just seeing this photo, and other photos of the mountains I've taken, instantly put my soul at ease. It almost has a rejuvenating effect just seeing them and knowing that I was there.

So now I reconsider the importance of making this Colorado trip in June happen. I'm not much of a spiritual person. It's not that I don't believe, I'm agnostic. But what I do believe in is the healing powers of nature on the soul, and now I'm feeling the urge to make this trip happen come hell or high water.

This might just be a pipe dream, but after falling in love with a landscape of such indescribable beauty, when that gets taken from you it's easy to obsess. I'm not moping and feeling sad, much like I was 6 months ago, but rather I'm feeling happy knowing that it's there and that I can go back there. Now I'm feeling that calling in my soul. I need it back, even if for a fleeting moment this summer.

More importantly in the immediate is the fact that just seeing these images reminds me of my goal. Now I'm reminded that beyond all the bullshit, I have a goal for my life. Now my resolve is strengthened, and right now I just wanna fight tooth and nail to get it back.

Marion…..

I'm wondering if my life is ever going to go the way I need it too as long as I'm living in Marion.

This town is the poorest city in the state, and I kinda feel cheated into living here and like I was stranded here.

I stay now because my rent is cheap, my space is large, and it gives me a place to set up shop for Skyline Sound Studios. Now that I'm technically unemployed, having a large place to park the studio on the cheap, and also rest my head, is a valuable asset. But here's the problem.

I'm 50 miles north of my target market for the studio, which is the Greater Columbus Metropolitan Area. People in Columbus act like driving from Groveport to Dublin is some monumental trek that you must be insane to wanna make. Needless to say, getting people interested in coming to Marion from Columbus has been a challenge.

I've lucked out on a few occasions. There have been artists willing to make the drive. But on the whole, I hear people ask where I'm located, then act appalled and say they are going to the facility that costs twice as much as I do instead. Do they not realize that the gas money they are spending to get to Marion would be far less than doubling their studio bill?

The obvious answer would be to cater to the Marion area. There are bands here, and a couple of competing studios. But the problem for me is the fact that I was raised in a small town very similar to Marion, and I'm terrified of this town. Let me elaborate.

To say that Marion is economically depressed is an understatement. It was declared last year as the poorest city in the state of Ohio. This causes unemployment to increase, which means that in order for me to cater to the Marion bands, I'm going to have to lower my prices to match this market. That will do nothing to get me out of Marion.

The other issue is the fact that economically depressed areas, such as this, typically have high use of hardcore drugs. In Scioto County, it's hillbilly heroin (a.k.a. Oxycontin). I was raised there, and saw some horrific things. If I lived in Scioto County, I'd put my studio gear in storage 3 counties away and tell no one I was a recording engineer for fear of a home invasion by a crack head looking for things to sell so they could get their fix.

Apparently, Marion's big problem is black tar heroin. So you take an economically depressed area with a well known substance abuse problem, and you have a recipe for a robbery. In fact, my car was broken into last spring, and I lost about $120 that I foolishly left in the car. This was right after Sarah moved out, and rent was very difficult to make that month as a result of the robbery. Now my neighbors bitch that I park on the street instead of in my lengthy dark driveway, but on the street under the street light, my car is in full view of my next door neighbors security camera. My asshole neighbor across the street can go fuck himself with something hard and sandpapery.

So not only was I stranded an hour from my target market, but now that I have a limited income (relying on unemployment), it's hard to justify making trips to Columbus to look for clients. And even if I find them, they may scoff at the idea of driving an hour north to work with me, or I'll hear "my friend has an 8 track. We'll just use that". I'm too scared of being robbed to look for clients in Marion. So the solution is to get the hell out of Marion. This would also increase my day job prospects exponentially.

I was still holding on to hope that I could make my Colorado stress relief vacation this summer happen. It may have to be shelved, and me remain angry, for another year, because I can't continue living up here. I mean, I can, but if my unemployment runs dry and I have no studio business or label income, I doubt I could handle working with those sexist racists on the assembly line at Whirlpool again. My stress level was already to the point of causing me physical ills before I got laid off two weeks ago. With news of Olive's tragic accident, I'm still just as stressed. There's no way I could bring myself to take that road again unless there were no other option……..which is often the case in a town like Marion.

It seems like as long as I live here, it's infinitely more difficult to move foreword.

The shitty thing is that in order to make this move and better my situation, I may have to hold off on some other financial commitments, which makes me hesitate yet again. These would be joint bills to my ex. Part of me wants to scream that she put me through hell, and that despite the fact that I showed her it would be easier to pay off certain bills if she were to stay even 6 more months, she moved anyway and made everything harder for both of us. I offered her a compromise, and she left regardless, which I get on some levels. She had to do what she needed to do to better herself, and in order to do that, she had to tighten the financial strings on both of us. Well, she won't be happy if it comes to that (notice I said "if"), but it may come down to me needing to tighten my financial strings in order to get ahead, and resume payments on those debts when I'm again able. I'm not sure if this will be necessary yet, we'll see. But if it's needed, it's needed. That's not a call to action, just a realistic analysis of what may be needed. We'll see if I can avoid that, because obviously I wanna keep my commitments. But I can't let my commitments drive me into the ground either.

So we'll see. It's clear that I need to get out of this town to better myself and my prospects. A week ago I'd have been heartbroken over losing my Colorado trip, but now after facing Olive's passing, I'm just focused on rebuilding my life as quickly as humanly possible. If I live to see my 5 year goal, barring unforeseen circumstances, the Rockies will still be there.

So now let's figure out how to make it happen.

My target market:

I own a studio in Central Ohio. In order to make a living doing this, I need to get a larger share of the audio business in Central Ohio. Let's examine what that means, in terms of music clients. There are other types of audio jobs I can do that aren't music based (commercials, voice overs, ect), but my main focus is on music.

So we look at the fact that I don't have a very large market share. Based on my price point, I look at the Central Ohio studio market, and I can see who my direct competitors are. I'm not naming names, but let's just say that I have two in mind. One has plenty of name recognition in Columbus within the rock scene, so that's gonna be a tougher nut to crack. Again, not naming names.

The other is not as well known, but focuses on mobility (which was where I focused before the Columbus market implied that mobility = unprofessionally, but maybe I should re-focus on mobility…) and is dealing with a different genre than I typically deal with. So cracking that nut will be more difficult too, because I'd have to emphasize the mobility of my operation, the similar price point, and the quality of my work. I'd also have to tap into a wider genre base than I'm currently known in.

Business is business, and there's nothing wrong with friendly competition. I'm all about staying friendly (notice I'm not bashing anyone else's product or naming names here), but I'm also a competitor. In business, you have to be. The problem for me is that, if I want to get a larger market-share, I'll be taking some business away from my competitors. Columbus isn't Nashville or Denver, it's got some great music but the market is saturated with studios. This means that, were I to come in and attain my 5 year goal of making Skyline Sound Studios one of the biggest studios in Columbus, I'll be taking business away from others. There's not much room for a newcomer unless someone else leaves the table. This is a business environment, and in order for me to succeed, I have to get more business than those who are competing with me for the same clients.

So in the coming weeks, you're going to see some refining of my marketing campaigns. You're going to see me out at venues more, and you're going to see me pushing the studio like you've never seen it pushed before. I've still got to figure out how, but I've got two direct competitors in my sights.

Peace of mind…….sort of.

I got my tax return this morning, which means that while I wait for unemployment to kick in I can pay my bills. This gives me peace of mind, as while I was waiting for the IRS to process it (The IRS delayed refunds for those who filed early. I filed before January 26th, and Laura filed after Jan. 26th. Laura got hers several days before I got mine. That's what I get for filing early?), I was getting nervous watching my available cash deplete slowly.

But then again, it also makes me somewhat upset. This money was supposed to be used to expand my studio and pay for a vacation. I planned to buy new acoustic treatment, possibly a new audio interface, and then I planned to go to Colorado with Laura in June. Now after losing my job, that money is needed to live on, and while I'm glad I have it, I'm also pissed off somewhat that life threw this curveball at me.

It's not all bad. My stress level is way down from it's previous point a week ago. It seems like a month ago since I last worked, but it was only a week. I've had time to relax, take things slow, and sit on this money while searching for an ideal employment situation. I've had a few leads, as discussed, so fingers crossed.

But I still get upset thinking about it somewhat. I'm 31, vowing that I won't be broke when I'm 35, and I've been cut down from making $29,000.00-year to making $0. How the hell am I supposed to make this work?

It'll take some careful planning, but I do plan to make it work. I'll find another job before the money runs dry, use Ohio's safety nets if I have too, re-focus on my education goals, and dig out of this mess. Meanwhile, the wishful thinker in me wonders if I can bring in enough studio business to sustain myself now that I have some downtime to market it. That would be nice, but I'm not hedging my bets.

So yeah, I'm angry, but I'm thankful. The job loss is a double edged sword, both a curse and a blessing. I'll be ok with some really careful planning, and I will not re-adjust my goals for anyone or anything. I still have 2017 in my sights, and I'm still going to fight to achieve my 5 year goal.

Reflections a year later.

I'm feeling good. My stress level isn't as high as it was a few days ago, which I attribute to me being given less stress in my day to day work environment after being laid off earlier this week. It's a sunny Sunday morning, and I'm loading Pro Tools to start mixing K Nacole's next track. In general I feel good.

It's been one year to the day since Sarah moved out. It was a Saturday, and it was snowing like crazy. I was at work, and I came home to an empty house with very little furniture in it. It was a numbing day for me, but one that cut to the bone. 12 years, gone in a day.

But today, I'm feeling well. I'm just a little bit down thinking about it, but I'm over it all. I'm only really down because I'm remembering the emotions of that day, and that's never fun. But I'm doing OK today. I've got a full plate today, full of audio work and homework. I've got a plan for where I wanna take my life. I've got a beautiful woman that I'm planning a lifetime of companionship with. I've got a 5 year plan in place to guide me to where I wanna go. I've got business ideas in place that I'm implementing. I've got a lot of aspirations. I've attacked my financial insolvency head on while I had a steady income, and now that I don't, I'm ok for the time being.

I've matured a lot over the last year. I've stressed myself out a lot in recent days, but that's falling to the wayside as I distance myself from my stress-inducing job. I still have an underlying sense of panic with the uncertainty of my finances, but I know that as long as I stick to my budget and put forth a real effort, I can manage what i have.

I've traveled a long and emotional road over the past 12 months, and even in the 4 months before it when Sarah started showing signs of changed feelings regarding our relationship. But I feel that today will be an important milestone, as it's now been one year of post-Sarah events. I only mark it because I feel I should for my own mental health. Knowing that every special occasion that will come up over the next year will have been preceded by that occasion without Sarah the year before will help me really be able to just live my life and not focus on the past anymore.

Laura says that I focus on anniversaries of events, which I find completely true. So the fact that this one is passing leaves me to feel that I can now fully just let it all go and move on in every way. I'm feeling somewhat freed by that knowledge.

So here we are, one year later, and I've weathered a mental hurricane. But I've come out on the other side, begun to repair the damage, and am now a happy and confident person again. I'm now excited for the year to come! Bring it on world!