I'm getting a steady paycheck once again! It's a great feeling knowing that I'll be able to easily keep my bills paid and get my 5 year plan back on solid financial footing. It was a scary ride, quite stressful, and some things fell away during it all. But that was 2012. This is 2013. I'm working hard to make 2013 my bitch.
Now that I've received a little bit of pay, I'm trying to focus on getting my bills paid back down. When I started 2012, I had just paid off a credit card and only had one left. I left the paid off card open so I'd have an emergency credit line, and used that to replace a vital piece of studio gear in the spring. My finances weren't stable enough to justify that cost, and a $500 purchase turned into a $700 credit card bill that was $200 over limit. The account was closed by the bank to prevent it from growing any higher, and I was given a $15-month payment plan to pay it off. It'd take me 4 years at that minimum, but that's all I've been able to do for a few months now.
But now that I've got steady income again, it's time to get all of that out of the way. I'm actually excited right now! 2012 was full of bad habits that I was forced into in one way or another. For example, with the studio only breaking even and other ventures not getting any returns yet, I found myself forced to wait til the absolute last minute to pay my phone bill. Just as I was about to get the money to pay it, it would get disconnected, and I'd get a $50 fee for that month. This happened almost monthly, I swear I think AT&T is psychic and knew what day to cut me so they could get the fee that month.
Today, I paid it before it got cut off! Today, it all turns around! I've still got a mountain to climb, but the expedition team was gathered when I got the new day job. The last month was spent preparing for the climb, and today we started off toward base camp #1.
It's just a shame that things went the way they did with some of my plans last year. Feelings were hurt, friendships damaged, and I doubt that'll ever be able to mend. I just wish those affected understood why things have been so hard for me and why I did the things i did. I'm not trying to play the victim here, but the only one walking in my shoes was me. The only one who sees it the way I do was me. They see it from their perspective, and that's the way it goes. Nothing I can do about it.
So now that I've taken the steps necessary to reclaim my financial future, let's outline some of the challenges directly ahead. I've got rent to pay at Skyline Sound Studios, and a damaged car to diagnose and repair. I'm going to need to budget very very very carefully, and file my tax return asap, if I'm gonna get over this hurdle quickly. But the beautiful thing is that once I get over it in the next couple of months, things still won't be easy but they will be easier than they are now by quite a big margin.
Regarding budgeting very very very carefully, that's tough. I've got a little sum of money right now to apply to my expenses, and there's a compulsion in me to start paying down certain liabilities with it right now since I know I have it. But that's not realistic, as I have to ensure those car repairs and that rent for the studio are paid for. Then I have to pay for certain business related expenses that are owed to other parties. It's not going to be easy, it's going to be very very very tight. But I have to refrain from spending money unless not doing so will cost me more money.
The general reason for this particular blog entry is the fact that the expedition has left once again for the mountain top. I'm excited as hell about that! It's been way too tight for way too long, and it's about time something changed. But the universal factor in all of that was me. It wasn't changing because I was thinking too short term in some respects. I took a chance, but didn't calculate all of the risks of that chance. I paid for that miscalculation, and fortunately it didn't do enough damage to completely de-rail me. But that's the learning curve in business (and no, I'm not referring to the damaged friendships I mentioned above, for a certain someone who is likely reading this). It's about calculated risk, and I miscalculated. It was tough, and I'm rebounding. Time to take the lessons learned from my failures in ALL aspects last year and apply them to a more successful and profitable 2013!
2013...yeah, I'm hittin' that!
Saturday, January 26, 2013
Thursday, January 10, 2013
Stress relief?
Last night was a tough night at my new easy going day job. Having to restrain someone with a Developmental Disability plays a mental toll on someone like me, as their screams echoed through my head all day. But it's part of the job, and it's in their treatment plan, and I like this family quite a bit, so I'll deal with it.
But the stress from that had me scatterbrained this morning. Couple that with a week full of my own daughter's autism meltdowns (every morning about the same thing all week, lasting for hours, and requiring physical intervention), and my brain is just tired. And yet somehow I managed to lose my debit card today, and not find it til 3 hours after my shift was over, but my empty gas tank kept me from going to work at all today.
So I'm stressed. I need a release. I need some way of relieving it. I just have to figure out how. I'm calm, but a person can only suppress that kind of stress for so long before it starts causing tension headaches and wearing down at you. I feel that this is starting to happen...and school starts Monday. YAY! More stress!
So in the midst of my stress I let my own anxiety get the best of me today, and I had to bring my brain back to reality because I was going overboard worrying about the most ridiculous things. I felt like everyone was out to get me, and my brain was running wild with that feeling. It's quite debilitating.
Laura, whom I normally turn to for help when I'm feeling mentally weak, is on call this week and quite stressed out herself. So I'm trying not to lean too hard on her, at least for now. But this means that it's easier for my head to run wild.
So I'm trying to bounce back from that. It's a work in progress, but I'm fighting. Today was not a good mental health day.
But the stress from that had me scatterbrained this morning. Couple that with a week full of my own daughter's autism meltdowns (every morning about the same thing all week, lasting for hours, and requiring physical intervention), and my brain is just tired. And yet somehow I managed to lose my debit card today, and not find it til 3 hours after my shift was over, but my empty gas tank kept me from going to work at all today.
So I'm stressed. I need a release. I need some way of relieving it. I just have to figure out how. I'm calm, but a person can only suppress that kind of stress for so long before it starts causing tension headaches and wearing down at you. I feel that this is starting to happen...and school starts Monday. YAY! More stress!
So in the midst of my stress I let my own anxiety get the best of me today, and I had to bring my brain back to reality because I was going overboard worrying about the most ridiculous things. I felt like everyone was out to get me, and my brain was running wild with that feeling. It's quite debilitating.
Laura, whom I normally turn to for help when I'm feeling mentally weak, is on call this week and quite stressed out herself. So I'm trying not to lean too hard on her, at least for now. But this means that it's easier for my head to run wild.
So I'm trying to bounce back from that. It's a work in progress, but I'm fighting. Today was not a good mental health day.
Sunday, January 6, 2013
Confidence Roller Coaster
I'm a person who has a ton of confidence. It takes a lot of confidence to do what I do, considering all of the business ventures I attempt. After all, what person without confidence would think they are good enough to try this?
But that confidence is shaky under stress. It's more of a roller coaster ride, with many pitfalls that dip deep down into over-analyzation of self. That can make me crash quickly to the point where I'm desperately trying to figure out how I'm going to keep going. In this state, it seems quickly that the whole world is against me, and that I've done so very wrong by everyone I know. It's tough to hold my head up to my family, and it's tough to look myself in the mirror.
Moments of desperation that severe usually are rare. But when you factor in money issues, they become far more frequent. I've got a plan to remedy my money issues, but it'll take some time to implement. Meanwhile, the cycle continues, and all I can do is watch and hope for the best.
But the fucked up thing is that when this happens, I'll dip down REALLY low, freak out for a while, then boost right back up really quickly! This could be indicative of some sort of mood disorder, who knows. Maybe depression that's gone untreated? Whatever the mental cause, when I do start my climb out of that deep of a fall, it's very quick as if I've been launched up. I feel suddenly like I can take on the whole world, and the whole world can kiss my ass! It's not a fun ride, but it happens like this every single time. It gets exhausting.
But that confidence is shaky under stress. It's more of a roller coaster ride, with many pitfalls that dip deep down into over-analyzation of self. That can make me crash quickly to the point where I'm desperately trying to figure out how I'm going to keep going. In this state, it seems quickly that the whole world is against me, and that I've done so very wrong by everyone I know. It's tough to hold my head up to my family, and it's tough to look myself in the mirror.
Moments of desperation that severe usually are rare. But when you factor in money issues, they become far more frequent. I've got a plan to remedy my money issues, but it'll take some time to implement. Meanwhile, the cycle continues, and all I can do is watch and hope for the best.
But the fucked up thing is that when this happens, I'll dip down REALLY low, freak out for a while, then boost right back up really quickly! This could be indicative of some sort of mood disorder, who knows. Maybe depression that's gone untreated? Whatever the mental cause, when I do start my climb out of that deep of a fall, it's very quick as if I've been launched up. I feel suddenly like I can take on the whole world, and the whole world can kiss my ass! It's not a fun ride, but it happens like this every single time. It gets exhausting.
Friday, January 4, 2013
Why saving money isn't a good idea for everyone.
As kids, we're taught to save. As teens, we're taught to spend. As young adults, we're taught to use credit. And if you're like me, by your 30's you've got interest bearing debts and no savings.
If you're like me, and wanting to get out of that situation, your first thought might be to start saving money. If you had no interest bearing debts, this would be a FANTASTIC idea! But, if you're like me, you've got two maxed out credit cards and a car payment. With all of those lines of credit, someone like me would be commiting a slow financial death if they started putting money away in savings!
Let me explain!
Let's just say for example purposes that my credit cards are both maxed out at $700 each. We'll give them an interest rate of 17%. The minimum payment we'll say is $17.50. It would take you 77 months to pay off just one of these cards, and you'd pay approximately $475 in interest. That's over 2/3 of the balance you borrowed, JUST IN INTEREST!
We can apply the same logic to the car payment, which is also an interest bearing loan. When you look at it this way, you begin to see that keeping these debts around is just like throwing money away. So why would you put money into a savings account that earns less than 1% for you when you're paying 17% on several loans?
The ultimate goal is to start saving. But before you can get out of a hole, you have to stop digging. It makes more sense for someone like me to pay off the high interest debts first, that way over time I'm paying less in interest and can put back even more in savings!
Stop wasting money by saving money! Pay down interest bearing debts as soon as possible. Figure out what loan is costing you the most money in interest. Put as much of your available resources to that as you can until it's paid off. Then, take the amount you were paying on the debt you just paid off, and pay it on the next one in line! This is called Snowballing, and by snowballing your debts you can knock them out quickly, once and for all!
Once your interest bearing debts are paid, now it's time to start saving! Take the whole amount that you were spending each paycheck on debts and put it into a savings of some sort! For me, that would equal $200-each month! After a full year, I've saved $2400!
Knowing that in a year I can save $2400 tells me that I can pay off $2400 of debt in that same year. Make it happen, and build a better life! Pay yourself, not the bank!
If you're like me, and wanting to get out of that situation, your first thought might be to start saving money. If you had no interest bearing debts, this would be a FANTASTIC idea! But, if you're like me, you've got two maxed out credit cards and a car payment. With all of those lines of credit, someone like me would be commiting a slow financial death if they started putting money away in savings!
Let me explain!
Let's just say for example purposes that my credit cards are both maxed out at $700 each. We'll give them an interest rate of 17%. The minimum payment we'll say is $17.50. It would take you 77 months to pay off just one of these cards, and you'd pay approximately $475 in interest. That's over 2/3 of the balance you borrowed, JUST IN INTEREST!
We can apply the same logic to the car payment, which is also an interest bearing loan. When you look at it this way, you begin to see that keeping these debts around is just like throwing money away. So why would you put money into a savings account that earns less than 1% for you when you're paying 17% on several loans?
The ultimate goal is to start saving. But before you can get out of a hole, you have to stop digging. It makes more sense for someone like me to pay off the high interest debts first, that way over time I'm paying less in interest and can put back even more in savings!
Stop wasting money by saving money! Pay down interest bearing debts as soon as possible. Figure out what loan is costing you the most money in interest. Put as much of your available resources to that as you can until it's paid off. Then, take the amount you were paying on the debt you just paid off, and pay it on the next one in line! This is called Snowballing, and by snowballing your debts you can knock them out quickly, once and for all!
Once your interest bearing debts are paid, now it's time to start saving! Take the whole amount that you were spending each paycheck on debts and put it into a savings of some sort! For me, that would equal $200-each month! After a full year, I've saved $2400!
Knowing that in a year I can save $2400 tells me that I can pay off $2400 of debt in that same year. Make it happen, and build a better life! Pay yourself, not the bank!
Thursday, January 3, 2013
Yes We Can! Avoiding my own fiscal cliff...
Since part of my goals for 2013 included a better financial footing, I went over finances this morning with Laura. It turns out that if we had too, we'd be able to survive on one single income this year. With that in mind, there's no reason why we can't turn ourselves around by 2014 with two incomes!
I'm pretty excited about this! This is an ace in the hole, and acknowledgement that we're on the right track.
Snapping....
I've been getting stressed out a lot lately. I think I need some serious Me time. I'm starting to feel like everything is compounding, and I need to walk away for a bit.
Its 9 degrees in Blacklick Estates today. The pipes in the kitchen are frozen, and although they haven't busted, they make it a huge hassle to wash the dishes. The dishwasher feeds off of that line, so it's handwashing time. But since the pipes are both frozen, we have to bring water in from the bathtub to do anything. This is a Major hassle, and even though Sylvia is doing them today, just knowing that it's fucked up is enough to cause me to want to scream. We've been trying to thaw them for a day now, and no luck.
Also, the door to the basement is coming off of its hinges.
I have no money, and couldn't really afford groceries for the house last night, but if I have to rent at the business late in order to keep my kids fed, then so be it. The paperwork for my new job, that I've been working at for 3+ weeks now, just came in for me to submit in order to get paid. I may not get my first check til Feb 1st, and other revenue streams are completely dry. Right now, with the holidays having just passed, no one's beating down the door to the studio, so I'm not pulling in anything right now at all.
There would be some hope in knowing that my overage check would be here soon, as school starts on the 14th of January. They would have to have the check to me in time for me to buy my books....BUT, Columbus State's new policy fucks me on that one. They keep the money at the book store for the first two weeks, then disburse it to you after you've bought the books. They did this to fight people using school as a way to pay the bills, then not going to class. Ok, I'm falling in the "I need the school money to pay the bills" situation right now, and I understand where they are coming from, but this is REALLY fucking me right now.
My dad said he'd send me some money early for my Birthday, which is the 23rd, but it's probably not gonna be enough to cover things.
I'm on edge constantly, and I just feel like it's all against me. If I can get on top of it, I'll be ok. But it'll take me at least a month to get there. During that month, my resources will run completely dry, and I'll have to figure something out. I'm considering selling plasma again, which I haven't done since last time I was in College. I'm also looking for anything I can sell at the local pawn shop to keep something coming in.
I'm about ready to snap. Photography isn't helping me. Time alone isn't helping me. I think I need to just spend a day at the studio working on my own projects and de-stress. I'm gonna try that today, as I'm gonna work on The Metal Shop today as well as Project DIVIDE. I may even work on some of my solo music.
I just need a day away.
Its 9 degrees in Blacklick Estates today. The pipes in the kitchen are frozen, and although they haven't busted, they make it a huge hassle to wash the dishes. The dishwasher feeds off of that line, so it's handwashing time. But since the pipes are both frozen, we have to bring water in from the bathtub to do anything. This is a Major hassle, and even though Sylvia is doing them today, just knowing that it's fucked up is enough to cause me to want to scream. We've been trying to thaw them for a day now, and no luck.
Also, the door to the basement is coming off of its hinges.
I have no money, and couldn't really afford groceries for the house last night, but if I have to rent at the business late in order to keep my kids fed, then so be it. The paperwork for my new job, that I've been working at for 3+ weeks now, just came in for me to submit in order to get paid. I may not get my first check til Feb 1st, and other revenue streams are completely dry. Right now, with the holidays having just passed, no one's beating down the door to the studio, so I'm not pulling in anything right now at all.
There would be some hope in knowing that my overage check would be here soon, as school starts on the 14th of January. They would have to have the check to me in time for me to buy my books....BUT, Columbus State's new policy fucks me on that one. They keep the money at the book store for the first two weeks, then disburse it to you after you've bought the books. They did this to fight people using school as a way to pay the bills, then not going to class. Ok, I'm falling in the "I need the school money to pay the bills" situation right now, and I understand where they are coming from, but this is REALLY fucking me right now.
My dad said he'd send me some money early for my Birthday, which is the 23rd, but it's probably not gonna be enough to cover things.
I'm on edge constantly, and I just feel like it's all against me. If I can get on top of it, I'll be ok. But it'll take me at least a month to get there. During that month, my resources will run completely dry, and I'll have to figure something out. I'm considering selling plasma again, which I haven't done since last time I was in College. I'm also looking for anything I can sell at the local pawn shop to keep something coming in.
I'm about ready to snap. Photography isn't helping me. Time alone isn't helping me. I think I need to just spend a day at the studio working on my own projects and de-stress. I'm gonna try that today, as I'm gonna work on The Metal Shop today as well as Project DIVIDE. I may even work on some of my solo music.
I just need a day away.
Wednesday, January 2, 2013
January 2nd, 2013. Setting Goals, and Resetting Phase 1.
On August 29th, 2011, I posted "5 Year Plan: Phase 1 - Stability And Forward Motion."
Since then, my life has changed in so many ways, but now I find myself needing to get back on track with my 5 year goal. I've got just under 4 years left to achieve it. I'm broke as a joke, and even though some things in my life are far more stable, my biggest struggles right now are financial. It's time to get back on track and restart from Phase 1. So let's retune it for my life now.
Stability.
Ok, well at the time that I wrote the original Phase 1 post, my life was very unstable. I was on the verge of homelessness, and was clawing out of that situation tooth and nail. My living situation is far more stable now, and I'm not relying on my income alone to keep myself bathed and fed. But the problem is that I'm not contributing, and am not furthering my family's financial future in the state I'm in now. It's time to fight again for some financial stability.
I've already got things in place, including school, a 30 hour per week day job, and new revenue streams in development. My student loans will pay my tuition, which will help me gain an education. But they will also give me a decent overage to park in the bank for emergencies, or to pay down debts. Sure, this money is a liability since it'll be a debt that needs repaying later, but it'll be at a far lower interest rate than I'm currently paying on my debts. So it's a smart move to displace a higher interest liability with a lower interest one. These include my car, and a couple of credit cards. I had paid all but one credit card off last year, but my income lost it's stability just after that and I wound up maxing out the one I had paid off and never touching the one I didn't pay off. Now they are both closed accounts, and I've made an arrangement to pay down one of them. The other is in collections. Getting rid of these soul sucking liabilities once and for all is a major goal for this new year.
My car is another. I still owe money on it, even though I shouldn't, but I made poor choices about financing it in order to appease a previous relationship, and am paying the price now. One those credit cards are gone once and for all, it's time to snowball that car loan and get it out of the picture once and for all. My goal is to have the car and all credit cards paid off by years end. Once that is done, I can establish a savings again. Also, 2014 can be focused on cleaning up the nasty trail of unpaid debts I left around the country through my 20's.
I turn 32 in a few weeks. I pledged at 30 that I would be in better shape at 35. I'm running out of time.
Notice that I don't mention my family's needs. Well, I want to get married to Laura asap. The problem is that we've pledged not to get married until we're on better financial ground. This doesn't mean that we'll wait till I've built up a large savings or anything ridiculous like that. Rather it means that we need to be able to pay our bills together. There are certain details that I won't go into, but know that the above steps of eliminating liabilities is a key factor in that financial stability.
Right now, as stated in a pervious blog post, I'm in a tough spot financially. The next few weeks will be likely a 3x-day Ramen diet for me. Not fun, but I will do what I have to do. But in February, things will look a lot more stable. I just have to weather this month and then I can focus on digging out of this hole.
Phase 1 is officially back in action.
Since then, my life has changed in so many ways, but now I find myself needing to get back on track with my 5 year goal. I've got just under 4 years left to achieve it. I'm broke as a joke, and even though some things in my life are far more stable, my biggest struggles right now are financial. It's time to get back on track and restart from Phase 1. So let's retune it for my life now.
Stability.
Ok, well at the time that I wrote the original Phase 1 post, my life was very unstable. I was on the verge of homelessness, and was clawing out of that situation tooth and nail. My living situation is far more stable now, and I'm not relying on my income alone to keep myself bathed and fed. But the problem is that I'm not contributing, and am not furthering my family's financial future in the state I'm in now. It's time to fight again for some financial stability.
I've already got things in place, including school, a 30 hour per week day job, and new revenue streams in development. My student loans will pay my tuition, which will help me gain an education. But they will also give me a decent overage to park in the bank for emergencies, or to pay down debts. Sure, this money is a liability since it'll be a debt that needs repaying later, but it'll be at a far lower interest rate than I'm currently paying on my debts. So it's a smart move to displace a higher interest liability with a lower interest one. These include my car, and a couple of credit cards. I had paid all but one credit card off last year, but my income lost it's stability just after that and I wound up maxing out the one I had paid off and never touching the one I didn't pay off. Now they are both closed accounts, and I've made an arrangement to pay down one of them. The other is in collections. Getting rid of these soul sucking liabilities once and for all is a major goal for this new year.
My car is another. I still owe money on it, even though I shouldn't, but I made poor choices about financing it in order to appease a previous relationship, and am paying the price now. One those credit cards are gone once and for all, it's time to snowball that car loan and get it out of the picture once and for all. My goal is to have the car and all credit cards paid off by years end. Once that is done, I can establish a savings again. Also, 2014 can be focused on cleaning up the nasty trail of unpaid debts I left around the country through my 20's.
I turn 32 in a few weeks. I pledged at 30 that I would be in better shape at 35. I'm running out of time.
Notice that I don't mention my family's needs. Well, I want to get married to Laura asap. The problem is that we've pledged not to get married until we're on better financial ground. This doesn't mean that we'll wait till I've built up a large savings or anything ridiculous like that. Rather it means that we need to be able to pay our bills together. There are certain details that I won't go into, but know that the above steps of eliminating liabilities is a key factor in that financial stability.
Right now, as stated in a pervious blog post, I'm in a tough spot financially. The next few weeks will be likely a 3x-day Ramen diet for me. Not fun, but I will do what I have to do. But in February, things will look a lot more stable. I just have to weather this month and then I can focus on digging out of this hole.
Phase 1 is officially back in action.
Tuesday, January 1, 2013
Dear Autism...
Thank you for helping me learn patience. Thank you for helping me learn to control my anger. Thank you for helping me learn that it's ok to depend on someone else, and for someone else to depend on you.
That being said...FUCK you.
Fuck you for making things difficult.
Fuck you for robbing my children of a chance at self reliance.
Fuck you for making every day tasks a struggle.
Fuck you for making every day a struggle.
Fuck you for all the sleepless nights.
Fuck you for all the meltdowns.
Fuck you for robbing my daughter of the ability to speak.
Fuck you for robbing both of my daughters.
Fuck you for all the stress.
Fuck you for making it 5 times more difficult just to get ahead in life.
Fuck you Autism.
That being said...FUCK you.
Fuck you for making things difficult.
Fuck you for robbing my children of a chance at self reliance.
Fuck you for making every day tasks a struggle.
Fuck you for making every day a struggle.
Fuck you for all the sleepless nights.
Fuck you for all the meltdowns.
Fuck you for robbing my daughter of the ability to speak.
Fuck you for robbing both of my daughters.
Fuck you for all the stress.
Fuck you for making it 5 times more difficult just to get ahead in life.
Fuck you Autism.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)