Tuesday, September 27, 2011

Figuring Out Phase Two?

Ok, it's Tuesday, just a few days after starting to build a savings. As discussed, Phase One is in action.

It's time to plan Phase two.

Phase one was focused on getting my finances in order so that I could live the life I want, and get out of debt. But many of my goals are professional goals, which would lead me to attain the life I want for myself. Since I know that nothing in business is certain, I'm planning several business ventures to help diversify my income streams.





1 - Skyline Sound Studios - http://skylinesoundco.info
My recording studio would need to grow over the next 5 years to become a top player in the Columbus market.





2 - Project DIVIDE - http://youtube.com/projectdivide
The studio project I've embarked upon with equal partner Josh Zeise would need to start earning an income from it's music releases and merchandise sales, as well as possible live shows (if we develop into a live band).






3 - My Solo Career - http://facebook.com/brandonshiremusic
My solo musical endeavors would need to start earning an income from music releases, merchandise sales, and live shows.





4 - Establishing myself as a producer
Once Skyline Sound Studios is a viable income earner and a major player in the Columbus market over the next few years, I would establish myself as a freelance producer who travels around the country/world working on various recording projects while earning a kickback on Skyline Sound Studio's profits. (This is the key part that would eventually land me back in the Rockies, as I'd be based out of Denver, and have dual residency in both Ohio and Colorado).



So it's time for me to nurture Phase one while I plan Phase two. Where should I focus my energies first?

Skyline Sound Studios

I need to build my client base, and put out a product that will gain me much needed recognition in the Columbus scene. I'm working on three releases right now, and have been for a couple of months off and on (shifting my priority focus and energies to my impending money crisis of the summer as needed, which often hindered my ability to get things done on these projects). I'm about 80% finished with one record that I've been working on over the summer, and it just needs some editing and mixing touch ups to be finished. I'm proud of this one, but mad at myself for how long it's taken (at least I'm honest, but again, I've done what I can). This project needs to be first priority of the three, as the other two are projects that I'm involved in and aren't going to be as focused on reaching members of the local music scene as this first project. Once that's done, I'm confident that it will drive business into my doors since it would be going out amongst the consumers of the local market and be heard by many potential clients. Strategically, this one is my first priority of the three. The second would be the first Project DIVIDE EP, and the third would be my first solo EP (which is a re-do of older songs, and shouldn't take as much time, but has a lower priority because I can work on my own project any time.

So my first area of focus would be to get these records done and released, in hopes that they drive more business to Skyline Sound Studios. But once I get more business, what then? Well, if I'm able to make ends meet off of my day job income (as noted in Phase one), this would mean that any income from any of these business ventures can be placed into a business account to help me build the businesses! For instance, since Skyline Sound Studios is based in my home, and I'm utilizing about 20% of my energy consumption for the studio's use, about 20% of the studio's income could be transferred to the shared expense of living in this house and running the studio out of it. So 20% would be usable for electricity, water, gas, rent, high speed internet, ect. The remainder of the money earned at the studio would go into a business account. This would be there to help with equipment maintenance and replacement costs, as well as advertising and marketing costs. This would also be usable to help me relocate the studio to a new location in Columbus as time goes on.

As the projected growth for the studio occurs, I would be able to hire employees to work on a per-project basis. This would allow me to focus more on building the business itself through marketing campaigns and advertising, and to hire sales people to bring business in on a commision basis. My eventual goal is to have Skyline Sound Studios become a self generating machine over the next 5 years, with employees bringing money into the machine and depositing the money into the business account. I'd manage the account, and pay what was needed out of the account, while collecting a kick back from the studio's earnings.

Once Skyline Sound Studios is a self sustaining entity, the road would be clear for me to focus more energy on building my name as a national producer. I'm still ironing out the details of this one, but I've got lots of time to get this ironed out. This would involve some branding campaigns of my abilities as a producer in the markets I want to work from, but again, I've got some time to figure out my method of attack for this venture.

Right now, I need to get these records done, stay on top of my classes, make sure I keep my day job, save whatever money I can (just in case), and work on getting new money into the studio so it can grow. So I guess Phase two would be to finish these projects so they can help to stir up new business.

We'll see you in 2017!

Monday, September 26, 2011

Life


As if I haven't had a million reminders in my life of it's finite nature, last night was one of the ones that hit home. Having spent time in the ER wondering if I'd had a mild heart attack, and thinking that if I died last night, that I would be heartbroken for not being able to see my mountains again or accomplish what I wanted in life (though not regretful of my life so far, aside from any pain I've caused anyone in my days on earth)....it makes me take stock.

I have a lot I wanna accomplish in life, both career wise and personally. I've only got a limited amount of time to get what I want, but what's more important? In the end, my personal life is far more important than my professional life. If I never reach any of my professional goals, I'd die happy knowing I tried. But if I reached all my professional goals, but my personal life were hell, that would leave me feeling empty.

So yeah, the personal is more important. So now what?

Well, I'm not shifting my goals, but I know I'd be happy if I never reached the professional ones, as long as I was able to reach my personal goals. Those would be a life without debt, lived with someone I love, and being able to make my mountains a part of my life again. If I don't accomplish anything else in my life, I can die happy knowing that I've accomplished those things.

Sunday, September 25, 2011

E.R.

Ugh.

I went to the ER today.

I started having chest pains that were mild, but they were restricting my breathing. They lasted for about 15 minutes. Then, I started feeling all tingly all over, like I had been hyperventilating.

My day started off well, Laura and I went to the Rennaissance Festival in Harveysburg! This was my first trip to the Ren-Fest without Sarah…..Ever. I'd never been to one without her until today. So today was a big deal for me in some ways. But today was fun. It was new, and it was different from what I was used to, but it was fun in it's own right.

So on one level, this meant something grand for me!

MY FIRST VACATION! LOL!

I was so stoked to be on the open road again that I took this picture!


This was my first non-business related trip since Sarah left, and I relished in being on the open road again! It's a thrill for me to just get behind the wheel and be one with the highway, and be with someone I love. I'd missed that, and it was long overdue!

And it was already shaping up to be a good day anyway, because I was able to get my iPhone turned back on! I'm no longer a slave to that piece of shit little Nokia I'd been using after my job loss! If I didn't think it would be smart to keep it as a backup, I'd love to smash that little piece of shit! LOL!

But it was on the way home from Harveysburg that the trouble began.


View Larger Map


A little south of Grove City, I started feeling weird tension in my chest. This tension didn't intensify, but it was a dull pain that was constant. It would get sensitive when I breathe in deeply, so I was avoiding breathing past a certain point. After about 15 minutes, it went away, but I was left with a tingling feeling in my upper extremities and my head that didn't go away.

Laura and I decided it would be best to go to the ER when I got to Marion. So we picked up her car, then caravanned over (it's about 1/4 mile, so it wasn't far). When I walked in and told them my symptoms, I was adding light headed-ness to the list. I was standing there in the ER at the desk, and it wasn't as though the room started spinning, but rather that I'd suddenly had almost 2 beers and was feeling the effects of a buzz starting.

I guess they don't fuck around with chest pain at the ER. They grabbed me a wheelchair, and whisked me away to a room, where they removed my shirt and stuck a bunch of sensors on me. I had about 5 people buzzing around me, I felt kind of dumb causing that kind of fuss. lol. Next thing you know, they were messing with getting an IV started, but they lady couldn't tap the vein. So after trying both arms, she gave up and sent someone else to do it.



Let me be clear.

I

HATE

NEEDLES!

I received allergy shots in my teens, and after a while of going to the doctors office to get them administered every week, my Grandmother decided to have them show her how to give them herself! Now, I love granny, but her eye sight is far from what it used to be, and her hands aren't steady. She'd use alcohol on my arm, then miss the area she used the alcohol on with the needle! Her arms weren't steady! She'd stick it in quick, squirt in the medicine really fast, then pull it out and leave a big bump on my arm that would take a few days to go down! NEED I SAY MORE?

So getting stuck in the arms 3 times was a pain in the ass, and in the arms! LOL!

They ran blood tests, monitored my blood pressure, had me hooked up to electronic sensors for a couple of hours to keep an eye on me, and even took chest x-rays! It looks like it all came back clean, so I was advised to reduce my stress level, reduce my caffiene intake, and check in with a general practitioner about my acid reflux.

But there's just one problem with trying to reduce my stress level.

While I sat there in the hospital bed after Laura left to go home, I started watching The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King on TV. The landscapes I saw reminded me of Colorado, and that started me thinking about the mountains. I had decided to stay in bed for the night, even though I was wide awake, and just take it easy so I could relax. But as I laid there, I started looking on youtube at videos of Kings Valley Colorado.

I saw a home listing that was around the corner from my old home in Kings Valley! I recognize this house!



Here's how close this house is to my old place in Conifer!


View Larger Map


I found a video of a snowstorm in Conifer that took place on September 21st, 2009. I WAS THERE during that storm, and I remember it vividly because it was the first snow of the season! It was also Olive's first snowfall….EVER!



(Here's a picture of Olive after having just discovered snow for the first time on the same day, in the same city, that the above video was shot!)



You can see pictures we took of Olive romping in the snow that day at this link.

This all got me thinking about something that would really take a lot of stress off of me........to be able to see my mountains again. I know, we're back to that old song and dance, but fuck off. lol. But seriously, this got me feeling restless, and now instead of resting for the night, I feel motivated to get back to work. I wanna finish some projects I'm mixing so that they can help drive more business to me, helping me cast aside my day job ties, and allowing me to build my business to a self sustaining entity in Columbus Ohio. Once this is done, my transition from local studio owner to independant producer can more easily happen while I collect an income stream from the studio. Once I've established myself as a producer, and am collecting an income stream from Skyline Sound Studios as it operates in Columbus, I can seek residency in Colorado where I will be based 1/2 the year. I'll work 1/2 the year in Colorado, and wherever else my producing duties take me, and keep ties in Columbus as the owner of Skyline. I'll return to Ohio to help keep things running at Skyline, and essentially work out of both locations.

This is rather ambitious, I know, but I am feeling restless tonight and I want to get back to work to make this happen. I know I should take it easy tonight, but here I sit in the control room about to fire up Pro Tools. These records aren't going to mix themselves!

I'll take it easy, and Laura's going to help change my eating and fitness habits so that I can stay healthy. I'm kinda glad I stopped going to the bars rather recently, cause at 30 it might not have been the best idea to try to recapture my early 20's. I was developing a bit of a problem, and I recognize that now in retrospect. Evidently, Laura was balking at my blood pressure readings, so it's time for some things to give. I'll keep an eye on my health, and not overstress myself...

...But tonight, I'm going back to work.

(P.S. - Thanks everyone on facebook for all your concern. It means a lot. You really have no idea how much.)

Friday, September 23, 2011

Phase one in action:

Not to bore anyone with my financial details, but bear in mind that putting this into writing is one way of keeping myself on track, and publishing it for the public is one way of holding myself accountable.

Yesterday, I received the first $500 portion of my overage check, designed to allow me to buy books while I wait for the remaining portion to come.

So what did I do with it?

I drove straight to the bank and deposited it, then I bought some groceries. It's nice to buy some REAL food for a change rather than beans and rice all the time, but I didn't go overboard. I stocked up on a few things (toiletries, cat food, dishwashing liquid) that I wasn't out of, but I knew I'd need to replenish, so I figured I'd buy them while I had more disposable capitol.

I did splurge just a smidge, I bought the materials to make homemade buffalo wings and a can of Red Bull. But really, the cost of that was like $7, back off! LOL!

Then it came to repaying a brief loan from my sister, who gave me $20 for gas money after reading a recent blog post where I mentioned that I wasn't sure how I'd get through the week. Thanks sis.

But today I hit a milestone. I feel like I'm on my way. It's a road full of baby steps, but I took the first step a few minutes ago.

My weekly paycheck this week totalled $443.24. I just took exactly 10% of it ($44.32) and transferred it to my online savings account. This means that I'm replenishing my savings finally, which at this moment has less than $1 in it!

I've decided to do a couple of things with the overage, other than buying books and slapping the remainder in savings. Those include changing my car's oil (a necessary maintenance expense), and turning back on my iPhone (which for me is both a luxury AND a business necessity...just before the iPhone was turned off, I recieved an email on it that got me a live recording gig for The Pushers later that night, but I'd have not recieved that email when it came in if I didn't have my iPhone because I was away from home when it came in...). But once those things have been done, the rest of my overage is going into my savings account. Period. This money has to help create a more stable financial environment for me. Period.

But at any rate, I'm proud of the fact that the ball is now officially rolling on growing a savings, and keeping my bills paid. I'm excited, and things are looking up. Let's just hope that the bottom doesn't fall out of my finances again anytime soon. If I can hang on to this job long enough to build a savings, I can survive another job loss with ease.

Another important note is that Sarah has achieved something that will make things much easier to get under control. She was able to barter with the folks at Citi to get her credit card with them closed, and now only has to pay off the principle without continuing to acrue ANY interest.

I won't go into how much is owed, because it's in her name and not mine, and I don't wanna share any more of her financial business than that. But the point is that since there is now no interest, and she's been given a set amount of time to pay off this card, this lowers her monthly payment on that card, which in turn lowers MY monthly payment to HER!

This free's up an extra $59 that I can put on my Mastercard each month! The cool thing about this is that my minimum payments to that card are $22 each month at a 26.99% APR. With a balance of $500 to pay off, if I'm able to funnel an extra $59 to the principle of that card each month (according to the Debtinator app I put on my iMac last month), I can have that card paid off by around April of next year! Then, I close that, and put the $22 minimum payment + the extra $59 I now have available and pay all of that toward the Chase Visa card I have! The chase card has an APR of 29.99%, and the minimum payment is $25 each month. If I pay the $25 each month, but also include the $22 I WAS paying on my mastercard, and ALSO include the extra $59 I now have available, I can get the Chase card paid off relatively quickly as well! This is referred to as "Snowballing", and I mentioned this in my last blog titled "Digging out". I'll let you read that if you want a more in depth explaination of my plan to get out of the hole.




But this basically means that I now have an opening to funnel more money toward these debts, and will have the opportunity to get myself out of debt even quicker! That, coupled with the fact that I'm now starting to replenish my savings account, I'm back in school to build my marketing and business skills, and am enjoying the thrill of an amazing relationship, have all left me relatively confident about the way my future looks! Up til now, 2011 has had a very bleak outlook for me. With luck, responsibility, and planning, I can put it back on the right track!

So now that Phase 1 is in action, I need to brainstorm on what Phase Two will entail. More posts to come. We'll see you in 2017!

Wednesday, September 21, 2011

John Muir


I'm feeling a very close appreciation and understanding of John Muir (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Muir). Muir is revered as the "Father of the National Parks". I'm watching the Ken Burns documentary "The National Parks: America's Best Idea" on netflix (for the second time), and ever since I learned of this man, I've always had a fascination and understanding of him.

During the documentary, after he left Yosemite to work on a farm to support his family, and to work as a writer, he found himself longing for the "wild places", and grew weary of the day to day. I find myself reflected in those words, as I grow weary of the day to day of the way my life is currently being lived, and long to take control of it so that I can live my life the way I wish to live it. I also grow weary of the same old boring flat land that does about as much to stimulate the mind or soothe the soul as a box of Oreo Cookies.

Laura expressed concern that watching documentaries about the west may make me feel sad because it would be hard to be separated from the awe inspiring landscapes that I fell in love with. At first I was concerned about the same thing happening, as I wouldn't have much exposure to images of the west aside from those in my photos section on Facebook. But then, I found a web site that changed that.

http://coloradoguy.com/

Colorado guy is a web site operated buy a guy named Steve. Steve describes himself as "a creative, laid-back and long-haired guy in Buena Vista, Colorado." I first spent time on Steve's web site when I was googling images of buffalo, hoping to find images of the Buffalo Herd Overlook near Denver, and found an amazing picture he took of Mt. Princeton (view the photo set that caught my eye at this link - http://coloradoguy.com/colorado-images/mountains.htm )!

I've since looked at page after page of Steve's web site, which have had the adverse effect that Laura predicted. Instead of growing sad that I couldn't be there (which I am), I'm sort of living vicariously through Steve's photography. These pictures have helped me realize that one reason I was going so insane was that I was not only separated from my new home physically, but I had no reminders to pacify me! So since then, I've been watching anything that will give me a glimpse of my beautiful mountains again, so that I can remember the dry feeling of the air, or the beauty of being in certain places, or the way my breathe would be taken away by a sunset over the craggy peaks.

And so I started watching documentaries about the west. First was the BBC's "Yellowstone: Battle For Life" series, which I watched last winter when Sarah and I were coming apart at the seams, and the other being the Ken Burns documentary I mentioned above (which also was first watched around the time that Sarah moved out….could it be that these images of the places I love helped me pull through what I knew was about to come at me that day last February by reminding me of home, and what I could have again one day")

I no longer feel sad. I still long for the mountains, and I thoroughly believe I will break down into tears of joy when I set my eyes on them again, but I'm ok enough that it doesn't preoccupy my thoughts in a depressive manner! I feel that by watching these, I can regain some form of connection with the land I love and now consider my home, and it will hopefully see me through till I can return home.

I totally understand what John Muir must have been feeling when separated from Yosemite.

Tuesday, September 20, 2011

What goes around.....

As much as I didn't like seeing that Sarah's relationship status had changed...

As much as I didn't like having to deal with life without her...

As much as I didn't like knowing that life would go on for her without me in it...

As much as I would turn any criticism of how she was dealing with things into a criticism of our entire relationship...

...evidently, the shoe goes on the other foot.

Sarah, I've never regreted a single minute with you. I'm sorry if my blog has made you feel that I have. I did so many wonderful things with you by my side, and I know that is over now, but there are no hard feelings. There were hard feelings associated with the separation, but that's over, and I'm ok.

Again, I'm sorry if I've ever made you feel that I regreted any of our time together.

Digging out

With respect to the fact that my 20's were not very fiscally responsible, and I now find myself co-owner of a nice pile of debt (elephant in the room? WHERE?!), I'm trying to come up with ways of making my 5 year goals a reality. The clock is ticking, and there are only 63 months between now and New Years Eve 2017. Sure, that's a lot of time if you break it down into weeks, or even into days, but considering where I'm trying to go, I need to start acting now.

So where to begin?

First, and most obvious, would be to get my current finances in order. I need to pay off the current bills that are piling up, and set myself on a STRICT budget. When I say strict, I mean STRICT. I mean, no more pulling through Wendy's on my way home to pick up $2 worth of food, I don't care how hungry I am or quick it will be. I can wait the extra 30 minutes til I get home, and I can wait til I get something cooked at home. It's this kind of extra, un-needed spending that has caused me to put my last $13 in my gas tank this morning, and wondering how I'll get to work the rest of the week! That needs to stop NOW.

With that, paying off my current utility bills and managing how much of those resources I'm using each month will help to keep my energy bills from skyrocketing over the winter. My house is big, and it takes a lot to heat it. This is one reason why I love my electric blanket. I can move my bed to the warmest room in the house over the winter, shut out all un-needed rooms when they aren't being used, and keep my thermostat at 65. There's a reason they make sweaters after all. I don't turn my heat up to 80 constantly like some people I know, but even dropping it from 70 to 65 will be a major improvement.

We bought a digital programmable thermostat a few years ago, then never used it. I'm considering putting this into place in the house, so that when I'm not home, I can kill the heat to about 60 F. The cats, and the ferret, they have fur for a reason. They'll be fine.

So all of these are ways of consuming less, allowing me to have more to put toward myself, but that is not enough alone. I'm already using as little water as I can, and avoiding turning on the heat in the house until it's absolutely unbearable (unless there's a client over of course). I've stopped going out to shows that require spending $10 in gas to get to, and alloting myself $20 of drinking money for the night every week. That will now be a rarity for me. I've got things I'm working toward, and spending an extra $30 on a night of drinking and rock and roll, while fun as hell, will have to take a back seat for now. Besides, I've seen all the bands in Columbus several times, I don't need to see them once every couple of weeks. I don't see Metallica that often, and they are the best band in the world (though if I could, I probably would....lol)!

But aside from cutting un-needed expenses and bundling up in the winter, what can I do to really get myself ahead?

The first, and most obvious, answer is to continue my education. I start classes at Columbus State Community College tomorrow night, and I've enrolled in online courses only. I'm a full time student. The choice to continue my education has two goals in mind.

#1 - Gain the skills needed to better myself in the long term.

I've declared that my major is now Marketing. I'm not chasing a ceertain degree, however. Rather, I'm taking what I feel I need to help me take myself to the next level. I need to learn about marketing my various business ventures, from the studio, to Project DIVIDE, to my solo work. Each of those are a potential income stream, and I need to learn what I can to take those brands to the masses.

#2 - Bring in an overage check, buy my books, and stick the rest in savings.

Yeah, I realize that I'll earn interest on it, and I'll have to pay it back later, but this is more of a "security blanket" move. After all, I'm a firm believer that there's no such thing as Job Security. The needs of the company I work for could change, and I could lose my employment again. If I can keep my bills paid with the income from this job, but am only able to save 10% of my $440 weekly check, it'll take me a while to get anything saved that will keep me afloat if the job goes by the wayside again. This will be more of a security blanket, as it will help me get something saved back that I'll be earning interest on that will be there if the rug gets pulled out from under me again. This will help me sleep at night, and I'll hopefully still have it when it comes time to pay the loans off again in a few years. Who knows, by then, maybe I'll have earned some pretty good interest on it, and I'll be able to just hand the money back to them and bank all that interest! Meanwhile, I'll be adding that 10% of each $440 check to my savings to help it grow.

So it's obvious that school will play an important role in my financial growth, both in short term security and in long term sustainability and business skills. But in my explaination of point #2, I mentioned another tactic that will help. Building a savings.

Even if I didn't have my school overage to inject into my savings, if I put $44 into my savings account each week, after a year I'll have saved $2,288.00! Even though I'm earning $29,120.00-year at my day job alone ($14.00-hour X 40 hours X 52 weeks = $29,120.00), it would appear that I'm only bringing home about $22,880.00 at the day job ($440.00-week X 52 weeks = $22,880.00). So if I put 10% of my day job income into savings, I'll have a decent cusion to sit on in savings in case I need it for an emergency (a car repair, a hospital bill, a job loss, ect.)

Now let's couple that savings with my school overage. I don't yet know how much I'll be getting each quarter from school, but last year at OSU, I was bringing home about $1,100.00 each quarter. Let's subtract $300 for books (this is an estimate, not actual numbers), which would leave me with $800 each quarter that I could put into my savings. So if I were to go to school all 4 quarters of a year, earing an overage check each time, and putting $800 in my savings each time, that would be an extra $3,200.00 in savings each year ON TOP OF the $2,288.00 that I'd be saving from my personal income! So after a year, I'd have a savings of $5,488.00! That would be a great cushion to brace myself with if I lost my job, and it would be earning interest in my savings account!

"Paying Myself First" would be my first priority. Period. I'm extremely tempted to use that overage money from my first check to buy things I need, other than books, but I know that in the long term, having that money saved will be a far greater asset than reconnecting my iPhone 4 (had to turn it off when I lost the job), or buying a vaccum cleaner for the house. If I can meet those financial goals with my day job income, while still setting aside 10% for savings, that's great! If not, they aren't vital. I really REALLY want my iphone reconnected, but it's not vital in the long run.

So then we come to the issue of my credit cards. I hold 3, and the total credit limit is relatively low (about $1,600.00 between the 3). I've heard some people touting tactics of "pay off the lowest balanced one first, then snowball the payments from that into the next highest, and so on....", but with them all having about the same balance, it'd probably be a better tactic to pay off the one with the lowest APR first. That way, the one with the lowest APR will have the most money going toward the principle, and the balance will dissapear more quickly. Once it's down, I close it. Period. Then I move on to the next card in line, and apply every dime I was paying on the first one to the next card, so that it gets paid off more quickly! After all, that money is now free to be used on that card, so why not get it out of the way as quickly as I can?!

I've had these cards constantly maxed out for over 5 years! THAT'S NOT GOOD! I've paid off the cards, and then some! So what I'll need to do is make sure I can meet my payment deadlines so I don't earn any extra fees, and stick to the payment schedule as much as possible. I want out of debt, and continuing the cycle of paying the minimums only will get me somewhere as quickly as a dog chasing his own tail.

When the credit cards are paid, then it's time to roll the money I was putting into the credit cards into my car payment. There's no reason to let that ride out as long as it has to. It is, after all, basically the same thing as a credit card! It's a loan of money, through which a 3rd party is charging me interest! Once the credit cards have been paid off, I snowball everything that I was putting into the credit cards into the car payment, and I'm done with it!

The thing about admitting all of my financial problems to my blog is that it will inevitably cause me to have to mention things that I'm embarrased about. The thing is that I wasn't supposed to even HAVE a car payment anymore. I'm ashamed that I still do. My car was made possible through contributions from family members, who gave me most of the money that I needed to pay for the car. The problem is (I hope my uncle or dad NEVER read this blog) that I paid the minimum I could finance was $5000. The car was $8000, and the family gave me enough money to cover about $6500. If I had done what I was supposed to do, my car payment would be gone now. BUT, I had to finance at least $5000 to get the loan, so I decided to pay $3000 down on the car, and put the rest in savings as a backup. That way, if I lost my job, the money would be there to help me keep making my car payments. That inevitably went to other bills, as I was poor at managing my money at the time I bought the car last fall. I don't have a dime of it left, and still have a bit to pay off on the car. Imagine my panick when I DID lose my job over the summer, and didn't have that money to fall back on just in case! I hate it, I'm ashamed of it, but I have to own up to it. If I'm trying to change my habits, and change my financial situation, I have to acknowledge my shortcomings and figure out how to overcome them.

Moving on...

The next step would be to take the money I was paying to my car loan and my credit cards, and use them to pay off my portion of the credit card debt that Sarah racked up in both of our names. Technically, it's all in her name, but I'm not a major dick head, and I'm assuming 1/2 of that debt because it was acrued while we were together and were sharing finances. It's a bit of money, and I won't go into how much, but once my own credit cards are squared away, and my car payment is gone, I'll have all that extra money free'd up to put toward her debts.

There's still some debt left at that point, and that would be utility bills from previous addresses (I did say that my 20's weren't all that fiscally responsible, didn't I?....lol). Let's put it this way, there are a string of utility and minor medical bills that I've just left hanging in the ether through my 20's. I know, my credit SUCKS. But, I'm working on that, so all I can do is stop being an idiot with my finances and try to grow and learn from my mistakes.

But regarding the bills I've left around the country to various utility companies and health care providers, once my credit (which is costing interest, and therefore is a more pressing) has been tackled, I'll attack those bills with the money that I was paying on my credit cards and loans! That should help them go away pretty quickly, since they aren't exactly earning interest.

Once all of that debt has been taken care of, a large portion of my income would then be available for me to put toward building my life the way I want to live it! The entire time I've been doing this, I'll have also been saving money, so I should have a decent amount set back after a while! Once all that money is cleared to go toward my savings instead of my debts, life will finally be good! My credit will heal itself, my debts will vanish, and my savings will begin to grow! Then I'll be able to focus more of my earnings toward growing my various business ventures, and the sky is the limit!

We'll see you from space!

(Ammendment: I forgot to list my student loans, which would be snowballed as well, just like the credit cards and the car loan.)

Monday, September 19, 2011

...granted

Have you ever taken someone for granted?

Have you ever treated them like they were disposable, like you could do anything you wanted, because it didn't matter, since they were always going to be there?

Have you ever just acted out with complete disregard for anyone else?

I have.

Take my advice.

Treat the people around you like they aren't disposable, like they matter to you every day. The guilt of the "I wish I would have done...." feeling is overwhelming.

To ANYONE who I've treated as disposable, or took for granted in my life.....EVER, I'm sorry.

To the woman that I love...I'm sorry for everything I've put you through this year.

Sunday, September 18, 2011

A new relationship

So I'm in love again. I'm not saying that I really like someone, or that I smile when I think about them. I'm talking off the deep end, can't believe I lived my life without this person until now.


I'm so happy to have reconnected with you Laura.

Laura and I met in High School where we were good friends. We lost touch about 13 years ago, and not long after that I first met Sarah. If you read my blog, you know that Sarah just left me in February. It wasn't long after that Laura came back into my life.

Naturally, after a 12 year relationship, there were periods of confusion that I went through before I truly saw what I wanted. I blogged about many of them. I can only say thank you to Laura for standing by me while I went through that period, even though I tried to throw you away (which I don't understand in hindsight, and I feel like a giant dick face for it).

Recently my fog cleared, and I realized that what I actually wanted was right in front of me. I haven't felt this pure of a connection with another person in my life. I look back at my time of confusion, and I feel sorrow for putting her through such heartache, but I feel so lucky that she's still in my life.

I love you Laura. Thank you for not giving up on me.

Sunday, September 11, 2011

Selling out

Ok, that's it. It's official. I'm announcing it to the world.

I'm selling out.

By selling out, of course, I mean that I'm going to do whatever it takes to get people to pay attention to my music so that I can make a living off of my music, and I'm going to do it on my terms.

Anyone who knows me knows that I've not been planning a traditional music career. Ok, sure, I go out and play shows, but quite frankly I could stop playing shows and still develop my career. It's called YOUTUBE people!

It's not gonna be easy, but quite frankly, I'm taking a much more focused business-oriented approach to it this time. I'm 30, I know what I want out of life, and the clock is ticking against me. It's time to act now so that I can get out of the poverty I'm in, and can make a name for myself as a musician as I've always wanted to.

I wish my colleagues in the Columbus music scene luck and lots of success. I hope to see all of you make it big. There are plenty of you talented enough to be played on regular rotation rock radio nationally! I'll support you all as much as I can. However, I'm shifting my career's focus to a direction that I've not seen any locals pay much attention to. Here's why.....

The fact is that we see the same 50 people go to the rock shows here in Columbus, with very little variation, and it's a different stage with the same faces in the crowd. They are awesome for supporting the scene, but there isn't much being done to bring new faces to the shows (at least nothing that's working, there are some people who are genuinely trying! I've pissed off a prominent one accidentally by getting passionate and letting my mouth run on Facebook without taking the time to consider what I was saying, and I regret that the exchange even happened, but what's done is done....sorry Ronni). I've spoken to people who feel that even though they enjoy the local music, that there's somewhat of a high school clique atmosphere at the venues. Also, the crowd shows up to watch their friends bands, then leave before the next band comes on. People aren't there to watch a good rock show, they are there to hang with their friends and go home. It sucks.

Basically, the writing that I see on the wall is that people in Columbus (aside from the small percentage of Columbus's population that actually do go to shows) care more about youtube, facebook, radio, TV, and movies than they do about what great original music they could see around town on any given night! So if live music in Columbus is dying at the hands of technology (and a smoking ban), despite the MASSIVE amount of talent we have here, then were is the music industry heading?

I for one believe the answer lies online. 20-30 years ago, the bands could pack a venue easily because there were little distractions. Now, it's hard to get someone to pull away from World Of Warcraft and Facebook long enough to go to a show. So the scene has dwindled down to it's core base, who support it to the bitter end and go to shows, but they may be all that's keeping the scene alive.

I've been doing a lot of thinking lately on the whole "local music scene" mentality. I've decided that I'm not going to focus locally anymore. Sure, I might live locally, and I might play locally, but that's a convenience factor as opposed to a limitation. Quite frankly, with the invention of social networking, the local music scene (at least in Columbus) kinda fell to the wayside.

So if no one's going to the shows, then where are they?

Online! DUH!

Look at the success of artists like Brett Domino, Pomplamoose, Jack Conte, Julia Nunes, and others! These are artists who have made international names for themselves independently, while earning a living, from the internet!

Look, people in this day and age are inherently lazy. This means that they won't be bothered to do anything out of their normal comfortable routine, and you have to now go to them to be noticed. If you don't have a presence online as a business, you're killing your potential to grow. A band is, by it's very nature, a business!

So steps have to be made to make a presence online. I've got some ideas in my mind for my own career, and I'll be implementing them, and posting about their success. This post isn't about my specific ideas, as opposed to a general overview of where I see independent music going.

So I'll keep you updated on my successes, and my failures, but let it be known that I've decided to sell out and make something of myself with my music. I wonder if there's a plaque I get now, or a trophy……….???

Monday, September 5, 2011

September

Oh great.

it's September 5th, and it's quite evident that fall has fallen on Ohio.

So what's the big deal? Leaves changing? Cold weather? Holidays?

Well, to be honest, it's a combination of all of those, plus a little history of what happened to me last fall.

Let's attack these things one by one. The cool weather at night is just throwing me back to Colorado summer nights. It's quite obvious that I miss my mountains like crazy, and now this chill in the air just makes it worse. I can almost feel myself driving up 285 up into the stratosphere after dark with the heat on in the car, just looking at the cross lit up on the mountain side as I pass.

Making this one worse is the fact that this weather, and my remembrance of Colorado, is flooding my head with Paramore's Riot album. Earlier this year, that album helped me make sense of a lot of confusion, but before that it was one of my favorite albums while I lived in Colorado. Their song "Decode" from the Twilight soundtrack was what hooked me on the band, and it's in part due to the video for the song. The band is surrounded by beautiful landscapes and conifer trees, and I would watch this video at our house in Conifer Colorado and look out the window, marveling at how the scenery looked similar.



I got into Twilight because Sarah was the head of the YA department at the Evergreen branch of the Jefferson County Public Library System. When the movie came out, she took me to see it, as well as the two sequels that followed. I bought her the movie, and on the DVD was the video to Decode. So in a way, this all ties back to the relationship, and I wouldn't have even BEEN in Colorado to experience that beautiful scenery if it weren't for her. I'm not sad by that right now, that's dead and gone and I've moved on. It's an interesting parallel to what I've lost though, and a great segue into the next part of what's wrong with the weather turning cold.

So here I am listening to Paramore, feeling the cold air on my neck from the open window behind me, and missing my mountains. So I start watching videos I'd posted on youtube that I shot around the time that I moved from Colorado to Ohio. They are as follows:







This got me thinking of the move itself, and giving up my mountains for the promise of cheaper cost of living and hopefully turning the relationship around. Sarah had been hired at a new job, and I was to attend Ohio State to get a business degree. I was going to put my life in order, and we'd be happy together.

But alas it was in October of last year that Sarah first started showing signs that she was looking for a way out. I started sleeping on the EZ chair to give her space, and even moved out for a few weeks until I realized that I couldn't afford to do that and had to move back in shortly after. So for me, this fall is the first time that the weather has matched the time that my life as I knew it began to crumble away. The foundation cracked when I lost my mountains, and when Sarah started to show doubts it was like putting stress on an unstable structure.

This will all lead up to what I predict will be a difficult time for me, and I hate that. I love the holidays, and especially LOVE Halloween. But the last Halloween I went through was very unpleasant. Sarah and I had a tradition of carving pumpkins and watching a horror movie marathon while eating all the candy we bought for the kids who never showed. Last year was shaping up like any other Halloween, we even went to a pumpkin farm off of 40 that we used to go to every year when we lived here before just so we could buy pumpkins to carve. But then she started showing her doubts in the relationship and started asking for her space to figure things out. Those pumpkins sat on the front porch till Thanksgiving and were never carved. I eventually threw them in the garbage, and they had rotten in the frost.

It's not that I long to carve a pumpkin again and watch a horror movie. It's that the holidays in general were a special time for the two of us. We had our traditions. It'll be hard to fathom doing things differently this year, but what choice do I have? It's not that I even want to do those things with her anymore, but the entire holiday season is shaping up to be a huge reminder of what I've lost. From the relationship that I thought would never end, to my holiday traditions, to my ties to members of her family that I considered my own family, and even to my mountains. I've lost all of that in the change of a mind.

So for me, the cold weather coming back, and the talk of Halloween, it's all just a giant flashback to everything that went wrong over the last 18 months. I'm looking forward to making new traditions in life and moving on, but I'm not looking forward to the constant reminders of what I've lost plastered all over everyone's houses in the forms of Halloween and Christmas decorations. I'm looking forward to seeing how I weather this oncoming storm, but I'm not looking forward to the wind and the rain.

Worthless

I feel worthless right now. I sent my financial information to my beloved uncle who has expressed interest in helping me get out of the hole. Quite frankly, I hate how proud and stubborn I can be, and it's those qualities that are causing me to feel worthless. I hate feeling like this, but quite frankly I hate being in this situation too. I don't know what the outcome of these interactions will be, but there's no way of saving my dignity in this. I may as well just swallow my pride and see what happens, but that's really hard when you feel worthless.

I'll be ok, but this feeling sucks.

Sunday, September 4, 2011

Turning the corner?

Ok, I make no bones about the fact that my financial situation sucks. But I'm a proud person. This means that even though I'm public about the fact that I'm poor at the moment, I don't wanna be a charity case and I don't wanna ask people for money. My stubborn grandfather, who raised me, instilled this quality into me, and I value it. It means that I don't wanna seek a hand out, cause I'd rather hustle and bustle to get where I need to be through hard work and sacrifice…..

…but sometimes we all need help. I'm in no position to turn it down if it's offered.

My uncle has heard of my current situation, and is offering to extend an olive branch of sorts. He wants to know how deep in the hole I am, and when he gets the numbers he said "we'll talk". That's not a promise that he'll write me a check, and I do not expect him to do so. Even if all he did was guide me to where I need to be through well thought out steps designed to get me out of this mess, I'd owe the world to him. It hasn't been often that my family has been able to help me in life, largely because of my stubborn side, but I won't lie that if these interactions with him get me out of this mess, I'll owe everything to him and be eternally grateful.

That said, I still hate that I even find myself in this place. I don't want to be the broke 30 year old who needs family assistance to get himself on track. I hate it, but here I am. Nothing I can do about it but try to turn it around. I'm in no position to deny any blessings that come my way.