Motivation

I'm sitting here at the studio, and am watching "Ride The  Divide", which is the film that inspired me to ride the great divide trail before I turn 40. I'm drinking my coffee, and watching the footage of the mountains, and thinking positively about my future. It makes me want to just kick ass and focus only on what will benefit me and my family.

I've had some confidence hits recently. But I've had events that gave me faith too. The confidence hits were caused by a lull in clients at the studio, but those things are going to happen. It's a cyclical business, and I can't let that get me down. But there's another thing that's had me acting somewhat irrationally. There was a studio in Columbus that had name recognition, and they had to close down a few years ago. They are re-opening in the building LITERALLY right behind my studio. I'll have a competitor 50 feet from my front door! That's a bit nerve wracking, but if I take the proximity of our studios out of the picture, the proximity doesn't matter in the least. If he were 50 feet or 20 miles, he'd still be another local option that I'd have to compete with. This guy's been in the game longer, has a local contact list, has name recognition, and can out-gear me any day of the week.

So those two issues have had a big hit on my confidence. But I need to get over that and move on. To help me regroup, I've been working hard on some promotional efforts. I've been going to shows every weekend, which is something I'd been not focusing on. I've been making new materials with viral sharing in mind. I've been working on my social presence online. I've even painstakingly been trying to improve my skills in every way I can so that I can compete with ALL of the local competition with ease. This has included lots of feedback from other engineers who aren't in my local market, and their input has been invaluable in helping me get better as quickly as I can. I've even been focusing on diversifying my product line so that I can offer something to folks who may not need recording or mixing services. I'm going to explore the opportunity to get into Audio Post work.

What I've learned about myself from the above is that even if I face something that seems bleak, and even if I let the stress get to me (which happened HARDCORE over the last couple of weeks), I always seem to find my way back to the positive place I need to be in order to move forward.

I've also learned that I have a rock to lean on when things seem bleak. Laura has been the most wonderful presence in my life, and has gone to extraordinary measures for the sake of our happiness and to feed the hunger in my soul. Without her, the bleak times would be even bleaker, and I find myself needing her grace more and more every day.

In fact, Laura helped me achieve something that I needed very much for the sake of the wounds my soul suffered upon my departure from the Colorado Rockies in 2010. We planned to make it out there this summer, and it was there that I planned to propose to her, but it didn't look possible due to financial reasons. Because of that, I took her to the Great Smoky Mountains, and it was there that she agreed to spend the rest of her life with me as my wife.  That day, she made me the happiest I've ever been in my life. The high lasted for days for me.

My heart still yearned for the west, however. It was very distressing that I didn't believe I could make it out there again, even after plans to go had to be cancelled. But in the middle of the summer, Laura suggested that we make a trip to Denver work somehow, and in August we hit the road for my first trip west in over two years.

Upon seeing the mountains for the first time, I felt like I was at home again. Being able to show Laura all the amazing sights that I had fallen in love with so hard meant the world to me. I broke down crying as I showed her the view from atop Conifer Mountain, which is where I used to live. I broke down crying again when she told me on our way to the San Luis Valley that she felt very at home there and could see living there with me very easily. It was an extremely medicinal experience for the part of my soul that was damaged by my departure from the Rocky Mountains. Laura and I visited our fourth national park, the Great Sand Dunes National Park, and it was by far the most fun park either of us have ever been too. She handled the altitude much better than I anticipated, considering her athsma, and even was able to handle the 14,000 foot ascent up Mount Evans before getting irritable due to the altitude.

Being able to see my mountains again, and to see the land that I love with every fiber of my soul, and to share it with the woman who has inspired the largest soul searching transformation I've ever undergone…..it was an extremely rehabilitative experience.


I've found myself not missing the mountains at any great extent since our trip. Laura speculated that I needed the trip to prove that I could make it out there again, and I think she was right. The trip helped us grow even closer than we already are, and made both of us think about our future together and with our daughters Lotus and Celest. It made me extremely confident about every aspect of my future. I still yearn to be there, amongst the great beauty of the west, but I think being there with Laura helped me make peace with my separation and bought me time and sanity.

As I write this blog post, I reflect on the events of the last two months. I see one constant. Laura. When I need strength, she does what she can to feed my soul. When I'm feeling on top, she's there to celebrate my victories and give further encouragement. Laura is my rock. Without her, I know my journey would be a difficult one.

Laura, thank you for constantly being a source of inspiration to me, and a reason for me to keep fighting. Thank you for keeping me grounded, and thank you for helping me keep moving on. I love you more each and every day.

 

Stress

The new studio has been up and running in Grove City for almost 3 months now. I've had several great rock bands, as well as hip hop artists, and a little bit of R&B come through my door. It's been fun.

But it's also slowing down a bit. So I'm looking into some new opportunities while things are slow, but those are hard to find in Central Ohio. I've decided to shift focus toward business audio for now, while ramping up significantly my marketing efforts by showing more of a presence in the local music scene.

Compounding things is the fact that a well established studio who had been closed for a few years is re-opening in the building literally right behind me. This has me concerned about people's perception of me and my operation, and I'm stressing out over every detail of my products overall quality level. I HAVE to be every bit as good as this guy, who can out-gear me any day of the week. Despite my fervent belief that gear doesn't make records, if you take two engineers who have good ears the client will probably choose the one with the gear.

So I've got to shift my product focus onto me, the engineer, and the value that I alone bring to the table. In order for me to be competitive in this dried up music market (hey, it's not Nashville or LA people), I have to do some PR work and increase the value of working with ME. The recording is the product overall, but what makes people come to me has to be the ME factor.

So I'm trying to improve my product in every way possible. I've been working on a mix that I recorded in the studio back in July as a tester for the new studio. I gave it to this band for free, and am now using the tracks I recorded to pull out all the stops. I've since found weaknesses in my room I've had to adapt to, which I've been able to overcome on a temporary basis. I've also found weaknesses in my workflow that I've been working to overcome thanks to the help of several of my engineer friends around the country.

But all of this has me second guessing the smallest of decisions in my mixes. I feel like I'm hitting a wall psychologically, and will have to climb over that to get back to full confidence.

Couple that with a recent head cold that clogged up my ears, which I'm only today finally recovering from, and you can see why I'm a bit stressed. Each day that goes by that I don't release this spectacular mix to the public, the neighboring studio gets closer to opening. But bouncing mixes off of several engineers while taking ear breaks for head colds takes valuable time. So I'm trying to offset that time by going to shows and networking.

I started going to shows again last weekend. I went to a show hosted by a friend of mine who runs Audiology Sound Studios, a neighboring studio. It was a charity show for his Music Is Life foundation. The line-up of the show consisted of at least one client, Bleeding Ink, as well as a large group of other artists who I was able to network with. Many of these artists I'd never seen live before, and some I'd never even heard of before. It was a great chance to network, but only one won't do it. I need a regular presence in this local scene if people are going to think of me. I need to talk to them about what I do, and I need to act fast. This will probably have to be an every-weekend venture for me. After all, you can't stop hunting, or else you'll starve.

Meanwhile, I'll be setting up a conference call with a business associate in Colorado at Swanpro Studios to go over some ways that I can get into the post audio market. Post audio production is more lucrative with more consistent work, and that is exactly what I need to make my 5 year goal a reality. At this point, I have 4.25 years to go. That's starting to not seem like a long time.

So I've got a long way to go, and a lot of work to do to get there. But now that I'm a family man, and I have two beautiful daughters counting on me, I can't rest on my laurels anymore. I must fight for my career for the sake of my family, and I need to do what it takes to psych myself up and get motivated.

In an odd way, I've turned to survival shows on Netflix as a source of motivation. Seeing people taking every measure necessary JUST to SURVIVE makes me feel blessed to have things as easy as I do, and makes me realize that the only hurdle to what I want in life is myself. It makes me realize that failure isn't so bad, because things could always be a lot worse. Even if I were homeless, it makes me realize that I'd be ok because I could find a way to make it. So that relieves some of my stress, while motivating me to continue forward toward my goals.

But it's not always easy getting over my own self-consciousness to find the motivation on the other side. I'm always worried about disappointing Laura, whom I would give my life for, and feel major guilt that I'm unable to be a better provider at this moment. But seeing her struggle so hard for our family motivates me 10 times more than anything else when I stop and think about it. She's given me everything she can, every part of her. Now it's time for me to take that and use it for the betterment of our whole family.

So to any competition that comes my way, you'd better look out. There's nothing more fearful than a determined underdog.

Admiration and appreciation.

In my opinion, to know Laura is to love Laura. I love Laura, and plan to make her my wife one day soon. But even though we've been engaged for a couple of months now and we're about to move in together, she never ceases to amaze me. Yes, I'm doing some praising in this post, but it's not because I want her to read it and get all gushy (if she read it, she'd laugh at me....)






But she's showing me just how strong a woman can be. I look at her, and I see a beautiful mother who has the unique challenge of raising developmentally challenged twin teenage daughters. This is a tough task, and even though it's easy to get frustrated in a situation like this, she handles her daughters with the most grace of any woman I've ever met.

Last week, I wasn't as graceful. I'm new to autism, I'll admit, but I had to get the girls on the bus and Celest had a fit that morning. Laura had to go to work, and the bus was on a two hour delay, so I was alone with the girls to make sure they got on the bus. Celest had a fit that morning, and I got flustered. I tried to handle them as graciously as I see Laura handle them, but after the bus came and took them to school I was frustrated.

I know Laura gets frustrated. ALL parents get frustrated. But despite this, I know that this fit was mild compared to what it could have been. It's the most I've had to deal with, but it's been worse for Laura. I look at how much grace she handles the girls with, and it makes me wanna man up. Situations like last week are gonna happen, and I need to be prepared for the fact that one day it's gonna hit the fan.

Warning: This paragraph will be cheesy. I taste the cheddar just thinking it, and my fingers are covered in cheese powder typing it.

Some people get through their challenges by asking what Jesus would do. It may not be Jesus, it may be someone they look up to and admire. Well, for me, that person would be Laura. I look at how she handles the girls, and although she's had 13 years of experience with them and I'm the noob, I know that even in the tough times she would not break her stride. She'll call me a liar, but I see infinite love and patience in that woman.

I want to be that for the girls.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm using Laura as a role model for the type of person I want to be when dealing with our daughters. It still feels weird to call them my daughters, even though it warms my heart to know that I'll be a part of my very own family soon. They will be my daughters, and her my wife. I want the very best for my new family. I've still got a lot to learn about autism from my new family, but I know that I can handle it too. Laura's done a great job over the last 13 years. I need to be able to do the same.

Spiritual Fulfilment

I may be a self employed multi-preneur working for a career in the music industry, and a full time student, but the goals I'm reaching for with those ambitions are part spiritual and part financial. Those are ambitions that will shape how I live the rest of my life hopefully. But there is more to life than how you earn your money.

There's also the spiritual side. I'm agnostic, but I find a lot of spiritual healing in nature. This is obvious if you've read any of my rants about Colorado.

I was watching netflix today and found a documentary called "Ride The Divide". This 80 minute flick shows a race that took place on the Continental Divide trail, which goes from Banff Canada to the Mexico Border. I watched this movie, thinking about how much I'd LOVE to make this trip. I'm not sure I'd wanna do the race, cause that would be ridiculous, but who knows. It's almost 3,000 miles over the Rocky Mountains from north to south.

Being a fat, lazy 31 year old…..I've got some work to do. I'm gonna start riding, which will require buying a bike. But Laura's interested in doing this with me. We're talking about possibly doing TOSRV, maybe this year.

Part of me wants a new activity to be excited about, and a way of getting back to nature. I think this would be ideal, cause you'd see nature slowly, rather than at 75mph on the interstate, and you could take your time and savor it. This would also give me a new activity to keep myself in shape, cause let's face facts here. I'm getting fat.

There's also the added benefit of having a new activity to do with Laura. I'm excited to try some new things with her, and I know she's a fitness buff. Well, that's putting it lightly. Let's say that she geeks out on crossfit the way I geek out on free acoustical treatment for the studio. So having this activity that we could share, I think it could help bring us closer together.

This is just me thinking out loud (but then again, isn't that the point of a blog?), but what I'd like to try eventually before doing the Divide trail would be to ride from Ohio to Colorado and back. It's pretty much flat, and I think it would be a good test of endurance. Maybe also a ride through the Appalachian's down to Atlanta to help build up Mountain endurance……

Of course I'd need to start smaller than that, so maybe a few rides from Central Ohio to neighboring states as I get my endurance up would be in order. Who knows?

I have a goal to do the Divide trail before my 40's. We'll see if I can do it, cause I've got almost 9 full years ahead of me, so hopefully by then I'll have implemented my 5 year goal and will be financially stable enough to take long stretches of time off of work to do stupid things like this.

But this is what I'm wanting to try now. I'm really excited about this, and we'll see how it goes.

2011.

There's so much I wanna touch on. I don't honestly know where to begin.

It's 1 week before Christmas 2011.

On Christmas Day it will be 18 months to the day since we drove out of Conifer Colorado in the moving van……

……it'll be 1 year and 2 months approximately since Sarah first hinted that she was having second thoughts about our 12 years together……..

……it'll be 1 year exactly since she let it slip on Christmas Day 2010 that our relationship was in fact over……

It'll be 10.5 months since she finally was able to move her belonging out of the house, and transformed from my best friend into a major source of stress and despair in my life.

I'm over it. I've indicated this. I've moved on, and am now with a woman who loves me, respects me, has faith in me, and who I doubt I'll ever be able to let go of because of those reasons…….and because of so many more.

But the fact is that I still have a lot of anger and resentment. It's bubbling up like crazy right now, and I need to get it out.

For instance, I've made no secret of the fact that I was in love with the Rocky Mountains. It's approximately 18 months now since I've last laid eyes on them before slipping away like a thief in the night. If you read this blog, you know how big of a loss that has been for me. But just when I thought it was getting better……….it got worse.

Over Thanksgiving this year, I went to Atlanta Georgia to visit my family. This was my first road trip of any significance without Sarah, and it was a much needed experience. I wished that Laura could've been there, but I made the most out of being in the region. On my way back, I stopped in the Great Smoky Mountains National Park.



I'm not sure if this was a great trip, or a big mistake.

There I was, completely in awe and completely in love with the landscape. It was like having the Rockies in the heart of the Plains. I was geeking out, taking photos and videos at every turn. I went to the top of Clingman's Dome, even though it was covered in a cloud bank and I couldn't technically see beyond 30 feet. But it was covered in conifer trees, and I was breathing the cool thin mountain air, and I honestly felt like I was at home again.

It was something my soul needed…….

…….but now I can't stop thinking about home. I can't stop getting hourly flashes of the landscapes I left behind 18 months ago. It's a constant reminder of everything I've lost, and it's driving me nuts. And note that I am not exaggerating when I say that it occurs hourly.

I'm planning a return trip with Laura in June, and it'll be nearly 2 years since I left, but it won't be enough. I have too many places I'll want to see when I'm there, and I'll have too many people to want to visit, and I'll never want to leave. I know this will be a great trip spiritually, but then I'll leave again. I don't know how I'll handle that.

I know I'm getting all emo about a bunch of geological features that really hold no significance to how I live my life, but there's nothing like this place that I've ever seen in my life. I couldn't imagine anywhere more beautiful, and when I lived there for two years I'd constantly be out and about looking at my surroundings. They gave me peace, and they were a spiritual escape.

………and now they are gone. Now the relationship that defined me for 12 years is gone. Now the business opportunities I had begin while living there are gone. Now, after everything I've given up over the last 12 years for one person, I had to start from scratch in every way this year.

That infuriates me.

I remember one year ago this week. Sarah's brother's birthday is on the 23rd of December, and we'd usually head for Wheelersburg around that date. But Sarah and I would have our own Christmas celebration before opening gifts with family. I remember doing what I felt was a symbolic measure to show her that I was changing and going to be acting more responsibly, which was a great divider for us. I remember getting her mother, brother, and her brother's wife, to pitch in for a laptop for her for Christmas. This was to replace the one I'd dropped and busted just before we moved from Colorado. After getting her a laptop, I also bought her Mario for her Wii. These were both items that she wanted very much, and I got them for her as a symbolic gesture that I was going to be more responsible and take everything more seriously.

She loved the laptop. She loved the video game. She was ecstatic………and she seemed to appreciate the note in the Christmas card attached to the laptop that said that it was a symbolic gesture.....but 5 days later it was all for nothing.

January came, and I was begging her not to move out. It would be a financial nightmare for me, cause I wasn't sure if I could afford this house on my own. I was showing her that we could pay off our debts if we stuck to a budget and be in a better financial place if she'd just stay in the house and not increase our individual monthly expenses by adding on her own set of rent and utility bills. I begged and pleaded, and she seemed interested……….

But then on February 5th, I came home to a nearly empty house.

I kinda feel that if you're gonna leave someone, and they didn't want you to, that the least you could do is leave them some fucking furniture. I kinda feel that if you're the one to leave, you forfeit that stuff. You're leaving the person behind after all, so are you really gonna take away most of the possessions that you both shared as well? I don't think that's fair. She left me with my studio gear, a TV, a couple of end tables, and my grandfathers old easy chair that I had been sleeping in for the past few months.

I still feel abandoned. I still feel cast aside. I still feel like I wasn't important to her anymore, and she was making no secret of it. I still feel like she lost faith in me long ago, and despite the fact that I was legitimately willing to change my ways to be a more responsible person, she'd heard it enough and didn't give a fuck anymore.

I'm still angry.

This is my cross to bear, but it's still here. It won't go away. It's been fucking with me all year.

Couple that with the fact that I'm now separated with the place that I literally was in love with, and seeing no easy way back to it………..

………..but though it may not be easy, it will happen. It won't happen as soon as I want it to, or I'd have never left. But it will happen. It's just going to take some time now to put a few things in place first.

The things in life that are worth it are worth fighting for. I'm about to bring a reckoning to the pattern my life has seen for it's first 30 years. Ohio has tried to put me in the ground this year, and it doesn't want to let me leave, but I'm waging a war. I will not settle for less. There is no reason I should, because there's no reason I can't have exactly what I want. Period.

So what do I want?

Refer to my 5 year plan to get an overview of what I'm trying to achieve by New Years Eve 2017. There are a few things I've started since writing that blog that weren't mentioned, such as my new record label that I've formed, or my efforts to go into artist management. If I can take one of the artists I have full faith in to another level, then I have earning potential from that and it'll be easier to live life on my terms……

……because as I said, I refuse to compromise.

So let's summarize. I want dual residency between Denver and Columbus. I want this for two reasons. 1 is Laura. She's got ties here that I won't take her from, but I want to live life with her in the Rockies. So this would be a great way to keep her with her family, while getting my mountains back. 2 is for the business possibilities. I'm establishing the label here in Columbus, and I'm establishing the studio here in Columbus. I'm hoping to make those viable income streams while then establishing myself as a national producer who is hired around the country to produce records. Denver makes sense, because it's a major music market. The Flobots and The Fray are both from there. Denver would be a great music industry hub for me.

This is going to take a lot of work. I have to get myself out of debt in the next 5 years, build several businesses into profitable enterprises, reach out to a nationwide artist market as a producer, and create financial independence, all while being a full time student with a full time day job at the moment. It's a bit overwhelming at times. But for the last 1/3 of my life, I've put myself on hold for someone who ultimately cast me aside. I felt that was worth it, because I was happy. Now I'm 30, have nothing saved, and have been through hell in the past 10.5 months.

It's time to change the game. It's time to stop compromising on what I want. It's time to reach for it with every ounce of my being. FUCK EVERYONE who stands in my way. I WILL have EXACTLY what I want, and I will not settle for anything less.

To the one who cast me aside, I'm still angry. Deal with it.

To anyone who wants to hold me down, or who doesn't believe that I can do this, go fuck yourselves.

To Laura, the woman I love with all of my soul, thank you for your undying faith in me. I promise to give this everything I have and build a better life for both of us.



To the music industry, look out for me. Here I come.

To Colorado, stay beautiful for my return.

Why I owe my new music career to Pomplamoose.

This was the video that did it for me. Let's start from the beginning.

I was in a band from the time I could be in one, up until I moved away from Columbus in 2006. I had been in a relationship at that point since 1999, when I was 18, and Sarah was going to grad school in Bloomington Indiana at IU. So I left the band, left my broadcasting job that I loved, and moved to Indiana. I was 25. I never really looked back to music for the remainder of my 20's.

By 2010, I had started a podcast about recording metal music, and made some friends in the podcasting community. I was also perusing a career as a recording engineer in Colorado. I was in love with the mountains, and I thought that after 11 years that I was happy with Sarah. But she wasn't happy, and looked for ways to change her situation to make herself happy again. That landed her a job back in central Ohio, so I closed my studio in Denver and moved back to the buckeye state.

Cue Pomplamoose.

Back when Pomplamoose released their cover of "Telephone", I saw my friend and fellow podcasting colleague Big Al Wagner post the video on (i think) twitter. I watched it, thought it was clever, but then moved on. I still lived in Colorado at the time. I thought it was cool to see the instrumentation they were using to create the music, and liked their quirky sound, but didn't give it much thought beyond that. I wasn't familiar with the original, and I just let it pass into the ether.

Little did I know…..

Fast forward 7 months after they release their "Telephone" cover to October of 2010. As you may have read, my life as I had known it for years began to come undone. Sarah began to express that she was having doubts about our relationship after 12 years, and I had moved away from the Colorado Rockies back to my birth home of Ohio. I started looking for distractions for the mental chaos that was going on, so I turned to recording podcasts to learn about more recording techniques, and I turned to youtube to watch people's studio sessions.

I think I'd have to credit Big Al Wagner again for posting something that caught my attention this time, but I honestly can't recall exactly what it was. But I found myself watching "Another Day" by Pomplamoose. I remembered seeing them months before when I was in my control room in Conifer, Colorado and passing it by after a brief watch. But this time, "Another Day" was the song that hooked me. I started watching, and watching, and watching, and digesting all of it. I was watching, and geeking out on the audio production tips I was gaining from the videos, I'd also be laughing at the goofiness that I'd see. I think part of my fascination was that it was obvious Jack and Natalie had a connection, and I was losing the one I had for 12 years. It was kind of like obsessing on what you were losing by looking at people who had what you were losing. I became rather obsessed with it for a brief period, I would watch the same 3-4 pomplamoose videos over and over, including Another Day, If You Think You Need Some Lovin, Mister Sandman, and Nature Boy. While watching, I'd get cues from the looks Jack and Natalie gave each other, and although that reminded me at times of what I was losing, it also helped in it's own way. So that helped make my fascination grow stronger.

By Christmas, I was watching a lot of other Pomplamoose videos, and had stumbled upon "Always In The Season".



Sarah and I were really big into holiday celebrations, and we were that sickening couple that would play christmas music in july because we enjoyed it. So this song became an instant favorite of mine.

Come January, I'm still in full distraction mode. I see Big Al Wagner post (yet again) on twitter "New Pomplamoose!" So I rush over to see their newest video for Achin Heart!



The holidays had passed, and Sarah had let it slip that things weren't going to be fixable. She was gearing up to move out, which she did on February 5th. But in January, I was still obsessively watching Pomplamoose videos. Being enrolled at Ohio State University taking business courses, and owning a recording studio in Central Ohio, I started taking notice around this time to a few things about their business model. I started noticing that they hardly played live, but they were being themselves and making pro videos that were gaining a following on youtube, which was driving their sales on iTunes! I started consuming it more feverishly now, watching for any business tips I could pick up.

Sarah leaves in February, and I start picking up my guitar again for the first time in almost 6 years. My former band mate from Day Nine, Josh Zeise, had started to come over to jam, and we started talking about forming a studio band. When the words "studio band" were uttered, it was like a light bulb going off. I realized that I wanted a chance to do what Pomplamoose were doing, and this was my opportunity. So Josh and I formed a band called Project DIVIDE. The approach I wanted to peruse here was to incorporate the same videosong concept that Jack and Natalie were using so successfully, and use it for a rock band. We began to talk about it, and decided to start working on a 4 song EP that would have videosongs. So we got to work. It's been kinda slow, but we're wrapping up work on our first EP (full time student with 3 jobs……cut me some slack).

In March, I was asked to perform at a show with an old friend as an acoustic act. I agreed, and decided to dust off my old collection of songs from 8 years prior when I was playing solo rock sets. This would be the first time I was on stage since 2006, and it made me decide to also peruse a solo career again. I decided that my solo career would also use the pomplamoose model, but I'd do live solo acoustic shows to generate a local fan base as well.

About this time, I got hooked on Jack Conte's solo career. With my own background in hard rock, Jack's solo style just seemed like a more comfortable fit, although I still love Pomplamoose. But Jack's song "Impression" remains one of my absolute favorites to this day.



I start consuming everything I can on the current state of the music industry, picking up where my industry geek-ery left off back in 2006. Some things had changed, but the basic principles were the same. So I decided to test the waters with my first videosong……



I chose the Buffy Theme because it was quick and simple, and would let me experiment with whether or not I was cut out to make videosongs. I like the results, and it's gained some small traction on youtube. I posted it to twitter, and Joss Whedon re-tweeted it! That was a MAJOR geek out moment for me……..



……and it was also a revelation that I could pull all of this off. If I could get Joss Whedon to repost it and increase my views exponentially in a matter of hours, then I could build a buzz about my own music. There was no looking back.

So with my new excitement for a second chance career in music, and my massive amounts of research into the industry (thanks Bob Baker, Making It In Music, and the millions of other resources I've found to re-educate myself…..) I started looking for new opportunities for a career in music. It even got to the point where in October, I had an idea to start a record label. We're working on starting it right now, but I'm using a lot of the knowledge I've regained after years of stepping away from the industry to carve my own place in the music industry. I now own a recording studio, am a member of Project DIVIDE, have a Solo career, and am Co-Owner of a record label that is currently in formation!

NONE of this would've been possible if Pomplamoose hadn't been there to get me excited about music again, and to help give me something to focus on when my life was going to hell in a handbasket. NONE of it. I'm now a rabid fan, and am stoked to find Pomplamoose on Spotify. I also have my own Pandora station dedicated to both Pomplamoose and Jack Conte.

I doubt Jack and Natalie will ever read this, and I'd be extremely flattered if they ever did, but if it weren't for them, I wouldn't be persuing my dreams again. So if you do ever read this on some off chance, thanks Pomplamoose. You've made a difference here.

P.S. - Who else can say they actually did something BETTER than Michael Jackson?!

Dawn.....

New dedication

The last two weeks have been horrifying for me. I've been utterly and completely terrified at the possibility that I might have been developing cancer, and also scared of the possibility of having an ulcer. Fortunately, it turns out that I'm fine. Worst case scenario, I'll be glued to a daily dose of Prilosec OTC for the rest of my days. Best case scenario, they took a biopsy to check for a bacteria that, when erradicated, would likely eliminate my Acid Reflux!

So good news abounds!

But I've been through the emotional ringer during the last two weeks. There's a lot to cover, so bear with me. But you know that savings that I had acrued in case of emergencies? Well, that's mostly gone, and I have less than $100 in my savings at this point. So how did that happen, and what am I gonna do about it?

Monday, Occtober 17th, 2011.

I start having pains in my abdomen that felt like rocks moving through my intestines. This happening spurred Laura to state her concern about the possibility of an Ulcer, and urged me to get my reflux checked. This started during my last hour at my day job that day, the same day that I was asked to take on a new task at my day job, and I was really excited about that. That was very short lived with this new concern about my health. It was made known to me that it could lead to esophagial cancer, which is extremely untreatable and has a very low survival rating, so I called off work the next day and found a General Practitioner.

The first distressing thing to me was the loss of one day of income. I'm trying to stay on a certain track, and it wasn't very comforting to know that I was losing a day's wages to go spend money at a doctor when I have no insurance! Then, the doctor started expressing concern that I'd never had a Gastroscopy done to examine the depth of my reflux damage. He confirmed my fear that it could become cancerous, and wanted to have me checked a.s.a.p. for Barrett's Esophagus or for Esophageal Cancer. I started getting worried about the prospect of dying, rather than having a mildly annoying condition! Naturally, this stressed me out immensly!

So after paying $50 out of pocket (bear in mind that I don't make all that much money right now) and losing one day's wages, I found myself worried about money and death. Not a good combination. The doc then called the Smith Clinic in Marion to schedule an appointment with a gastroenterologist. The appointment was scheduled for 8:30am the following morning, which meant that I'd be missing another day's wages. Then I found out that the Smith Clinic wanted $100 down to be seen. So I was missing two days wages, paid $150 out of pocket, and was worried about cancer! Not a good day.

I went to the Smith Clinic expecting to have the Gastroscopy that day, but was informed that I was mainly there to be evaluated by the doctor to see if it was necessary. I found out at this visit that I was about to incur a $2000 (approximated) out of pocket medical expense to resolve all of this because I don't have insurance. They scheduled the Gastroscopy for yesterday, which meant that after missing two days of work last week, I was going to miss at least one day this week too. My finances were taking a major hit and I was worrying about death.

After finding out how much they would be charging for this procedure, I spoke to the financial department about the down payment costs for this procedure. They wanted $150 down to cover the doctors fee, and $250 down for the facility. This would leave me with about $1600 to pay out of pocket, but with rent due I wasn't sure I could swing the $400 down since I had missed so much work! So now I was worried about death, money, and keeping a roof over my head, all in the span of about 36 hours!

There was no question, I needed the money I had saved. I had $600 in savings, and I took out $550. $150 to cover the doctor bills I'd already paid out of pocket, and $400 to pay for the procedure's down payment. I decided to keep the scheduled appointment, because if I did have some form of cancer developing I'd much rather catch it now and be in debt than to postpone it and it be too late. That's one lesson from Steve Jobs, catch it early and treat it early. When applying the "what's the worst that can happen" scenario, I'll take homelessness over death.

I found myself in a bit of a numb panic. I left the Smith Clinic that day, bought a bottle of Jack Daniels, and drank myself into oblivion. I could have salvaged 1/2 of my work day, but there was no way I could focus on work after the mountain of worry that had just been piled up. I'm not much of a drinker anymore, it's a very rare occurance, but this seemed the best course of action at the time. I regretted it later when I was hungover by 7pm that day........

The next few days I found myself constantly on the razors edge. I found myself wondering what would happen if I didn't make it to 33? I found myself not being satisfied with the accumulation of my lifes work thus far, and feeling ashamed as though I had wasted my time thus far. I found myself regretting things I had done earlier this year while I was trying to figure myself out, and wandering how in the hell I would pay for any of the possibly insane medical expenses that could be approaching. I found myself considering illegal activities to generate the money to pay my medical bills (can you say Breaking Bad? LOL!), considering what I could sell to pay my bills, and trying to figure out how I could generate some business for the studio quickly. I got really pissed off at a colleague who has taken the last 3 weeks to get me the payment for a gig that I played (I still haven't recieved it, and I do take that personally since I did put in lots of effort to promote that show and was now DESPARATE for cash.....I won't name names, but since I haven't recieved the money and doubt that I will.....right here, buddy!)

So to recap, I had drained my meager savings, was worried about dying, was worried about losing my home, was worried about collecting money owed to me, all in the span of a couple of days! I was a bit of a wreck. All this was going on while I was trying to wrap up some recording projects, worried about midterms week, and worried about making myself look bad at work by missing 1/2 of my work week THE DAY AFTER being asked to take on more responsibility! There almost wasn't a single facet of my life that wasn't putting pressure on me in some way. I was about to snap.

The weekend brought some solace. Sunday I did a touch-up session with Enemy By Mourning to cap off their album. It's rounding 3rd, and should be done as soon as I can find the time. It was a hell of a lot of fun to hang with them all day and talk shop, while working on their album! It's gonna be a killer record when it's done, and I'm INSANELY proud of the work we've been doing. I needed that session.

I also did some mentoring with my two protoge's, Michael Aylor and Brian Henken, who were there to observe the Enemy By Mourning session. They provided some background vocal on the song "On With The Show", which was needed as we needed as many voices as we could muster for the song. After EBM left, I discussed some audio principals with the protege's, and then got to my homework. I had a midterm due that night, and when that was done I continued my self distraction by doing some mixing work. It was a good distraction, and even though the day was long, it was great to stop worrying about the big "what if" for a bit.

.....but it didn't last long.....

Tuesday, everything came to a personal head.

I think I've been over-stressing myself about all of this, and my stomach hasn't been liking me very much as a result. Tuesday was a very bad stomach day. I actually left work 40 minutes early because of my stomach. I also had a test due at 9:00 that night, so this would give me a chance to decompress before taking the test and allow me to hopefully let my stomach settle.

But my car had other plans.

I leave work, and my battery is dead. When I say dead, I mean it melted my jumper cables because it was incapable of even HOLDING a charge! I started a downward spiral mentally, just wondering what the fuck could go wrong next. I had just taken my savings out to spend on the doctor bill, believing that rent was going to be $300 short and a week late. But I drive a 2005 Dodge Stratus, and replacing a battery in one of those is a hassle. I want to shoot the designer. I had to tow the car to the nearest NTB location, which cost me $40, then pay $160 to have the battery replaced and installed. They had to remove the front tire to access the battery! Whoever thought this was a good place for a battery should be drawn and quartered!

So essentially, I found myself doing the math, and only having $100 to pay in a few days toward my $600 rent. I started to panic, and just about fell apart. It was not a good day to be me.

Flash forward to Wednesday morning. Things started to look a bit better. I called the Marion Area Health Center, and they told me they'd wave their $250 down that I had to pay because of my situation, which meant that I was only going to have to pay $150 to the doctor on the day of the procedure! This was a HUGE relief!

Then around lunch time, I got a call from the Marion Area Health Center, it was a pre-procedure screening. They informed me that I'd be asleep during the process, which I've never had done before and it freaked me out. I'm a wimp, I know, but I hate needles and I've heard that some people don't wake up from anesthetic. I was scared. I was afraid of what they'd find. I was afraid that the anesthetic would wear off and I'd wake up mid-procedure. I was afraid that I'd not wake up at all......

Laura spent the evening with me on Wednesday, and instead of working on school work like we normally do on Wednesdays, I spent it trying to relax. It had been one thing after another and I was on the edge. I was mentally exhausted, and I evidently passed out before she left. She didn't wanna wake me, so she let herself out.

I woke up at 5:30am to find her gone, and I'm starving. Now they said I couldn't eat solid food after midnight, but I could have something liquid up to 6 hours before the procedure. The procedure was at noon, so I go to make a protien shake so that my stomach will stop grumbling. When I get downstairs, it's freezing cold. So I go to turn up the thermostat, only to find that the heat wasn't coming on. After the car problems, the money problems, the worrying about my own demise, and everything else, now my furnace wasn't working! I look outside, and there was no tag on my door, so I knew they hadn't shut me off for some reason. So i went back to bed and said to hell with it, I was going to worry about this one later. Luckily, it was just that the pilot light had gone out, and it was an easy fix, but I didn't worry about it til after the procedure. While I'm halfway doped up is probably not the safest time to deal with natural gas, but hey......

Anyway, I wake up to Laura coming in at around 11:45am, and hop in the shower. We head to the procedure, and they take me back. You can read my post about the procedure that I posted last night as the anesthetic was wearing off to read about what happened. But after it was over, and I realized I was going to be ok, it was a HUGE sigh of relief!

Another great sigh of relief was the fact that they NEVER ASKED ME FOR THE DOWN PAYMENT! I'll have to pay it when I'm billed later, but they never took my payment on the day of the procedure, so all of the money that I took out of savings is now available to pay my rent! It's gonna be a tight few weeks financially, but I'll keep a roof over my head, which is a good thing!

So let's reflect. I've been through the ringer emotionally, physically, financially, and in almost every other way this year. It's been a trying year. But as 2011 is coming to a close, I'm starting to reflect on this roller coaster of a year. I'm realizing that this year seemed to strip away my immaturity, re-dedicate myself to success, and help me appreciate the personal relationships that are right in front of me. I feel like I've never had my resolve challenged as an adult, but this year changed all of it. This year has been a character building year for me, and I know that after this last week of feeling like I'd hit rock bottom, that I'll be ok no matter what comes my way. I'm not going to sweat the small stuff anymore, cause it seems to work itself out. Instead, I'm going to take chances (what's the worst that can happen?!), work hard (there's only one way to build a better life for myself, it's certainly NOT going to be handed to me), and count my blessings (there have been a number of kindnesses this year that I don't deserve and cannot repay, without them I'd surely have collapsed.....I need to always remember that). I feel like I'm a totally different person in every way than I was in October 2010 when Sarah started showing signs of doubt in our relationship. I'm a more dedicated person than I was in the months that followed when I was hanging to sanity by a thread. I have weathered a hell of a storm this year, and I'm trying to find the strength to learn the lessons that are in front of me to be learned, and carry them through the rest of my life.

This is the dawning of a new era in my life.

E.R.

Ugh.

I went to the ER today.

I started having chest pains that were mild, but they were restricting my breathing. They lasted for about 15 minutes. Then, I started feeling all tingly all over, like I had been hyperventilating.

My day started off well, Laura and I went to the Rennaissance Festival in Harveysburg! This was my first trip to the Ren-Fest without Sarah…..Ever. I'd never been to one without her until today. So today was a big deal for me in some ways. But today was fun. It was new, and it was different from what I was used to, but it was fun in it's own right.

So on one level, this meant something grand for me!

MY FIRST VACATION! LOL!

I was so stoked to be on the open road again that I took this picture!


This was my first non-business related trip since Sarah left, and I relished in being on the open road again! It's a thrill for me to just get behind the wheel and be one with the highway, and be with someone I love. I'd missed that, and it was long overdue!

And it was already shaping up to be a good day anyway, because I was able to get my iPhone turned back on! I'm no longer a slave to that piece of shit little Nokia I'd been using after my job loss! If I didn't think it would be smart to keep it as a backup, I'd love to smash that little piece of shit! LOL!

But it was on the way home from Harveysburg that the trouble began.


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A little south of Grove City, I started feeling weird tension in my chest. This tension didn't intensify, but it was a dull pain that was constant. It would get sensitive when I breathe in deeply, so I was avoiding breathing past a certain point. After about 15 minutes, it went away, but I was left with a tingling feeling in my upper extremities and my head that didn't go away.

Laura and I decided it would be best to go to the ER when I got to Marion. So we picked up her car, then caravanned over (it's about 1/4 mile, so it wasn't far). When I walked in and told them my symptoms, I was adding light headed-ness to the list. I was standing there in the ER at the desk, and it wasn't as though the room started spinning, but rather that I'd suddenly had almost 2 beers and was feeling the effects of a buzz starting.

I guess they don't fuck around with chest pain at the ER. They grabbed me a wheelchair, and whisked me away to a room, where they removed my shirt and stuck a bunch of sensors on me. I had about 5 people buzzing around me, I felt kind of dumb causing that kind of fuss. lol. Next thing you know, they were messing with getting an IV started, but they lady couldn't tap the vein. So after trying both arms, she gave up and sent someone else to do it.



Let me be clear.

I

HATE

NEEDLES!

I received allergy shots in my teens, and after a while of going to the doctors office to get them administered every week, my Grandmother decided to have them show her how to give them herself! Now, I love granny, but her eye sight is far from what it used to be, and her hands aren't steady. She'd use alcohol on my arm, then miss the area she used the alcohol on with the needle! Her arms weren't steady! She'd stick it in quick, squirt in the medicine really fast, then pull it out and leave a big bump on my arm that would take a few days to go down! NEED I SAY MORE?

So getting stuck in the arms 3 times was a pain in the ass, and in the arms! LOL!

They ran blood tests, monitored my blood pressure, had me hooked up to electronic sensors for a couple of hours to keep an eye on me, and even took chest x-rays! It looks like it all came back clean, so I was advised to reduce my stress level, reduce my caffiene intake, and check in with a general practitioner about my acid reflux.

But there's just one problem with trying to reduce my stress level.

While I sat there in the hospital bed after Laura left to go home, I started watching The Lord Of The Rings: The Return Of The King on TV. The landscapes I saw reminded me of Colorado, and that started me thinking about the mountains. I had decided to stay in bed for the night, even though I was wide awake, and just take it easy so I could relax. But as I laid there, I started looking on youtube at videos of Kings Valley Colorado.

I saw a home listing that was around the corner from my old home in Kings Valley! I recognize this house!



Here's how close this house is to my old place in Conifer!


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I found a video of a snowstorm in Conifer that took place on September 21st, 2009. I WAS THERE during that storm, and I remember it vividly because it was the first snow of the season! It was also Olive's first snowfall….EVER!

(Here's a picture of Olive after having just discovered snow for the first time on the same day, in the same city, that the above video was shot!)

You can see pictures we took of Olive romping in the snow that day at this link.

This all got me thinking about something that would really take a lot of stress off of me........to be able to see my mountains again. I know, we're back to that old song and dance, but fuck off. lol. But seriously, this got me feeling restless, and now instead of resting for the night, I feel motivated to get back to work. I wanna finish some projects I'm mixing so that they can help drive more business to me, helping me cast aside my day job ties, and allowing me to build my business to a self sustaining entity in Columbus Ohio. Once this is done, my transition from local studio owner to independant producer can more easily happen while I collect an income stream from the studio. Once I've established myself as a producer, and am collecting an income stream from Skyline Sound Studios as it operates in Columbus, I can seek residency in Colorado where I will be based 1/2 the year. I'll work 1/2 the year in Colorado, and wherever else my producing duties take me, and keep ties in Columbus as the owner of Skyline. I'll return to Ohio to help keep things running at Skyline, and essentially work out of both locations.

This is rather ambitious, I know, but I am feeling restless tonight and I want to get back to work to make this happen. I know I should take it easy tonight, but here I sit in the control room about to fire up Pro Tools. These records aren't going to mix themselves!

I'll take it easy, and Laura's going to help change my eating and fitness habits so that I can stay healthy. I'm kinda glad I stopped going to the bars rather recently, cause at 30 it might not have been the best idea to try to recapture my early 20's. I was developing a bit of a problem, and I recognize that now in retrospect. Evidently, Laura was balking at my blood pressure readings, so it's time for some things to give. I'll keep an eye on my health, and not overstress myself...

...But tonight, I'm going back to work.

(P.S. - Thanks everyone on facebook for all your concern. It means a lot. You really have no idea how much.)

John Muir

I'm feeling a very close appreciation and understanding of John Muir (http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/John_Muir). Muir is revered as the "Father of the National Parks". I'm watching the Ken Burns documentary "The National Parks: America's Best Idea" on netflix (for the second time), and ever since I learned of this man, I've always had a fascination and understanding of him.

During the documentary, after he left Yosemite to work on a farm to support his family, and to work as a writer, he found himself longing for the "wild places", and grew weary of the day to day. I find myself reflected in those words, as I grow weary of the day to day of the way my life is currently being lived, and long to take control of it so that I can live my life the way I wish to live it. I also grow weary of the same old boring flat land that does about as much to stimulate the mind or soothe the soul as a box of Oreo Cookies.

Laura expressed concern that watching documentaries about the west may make me feel sad because it would be hard to be separated from the awe inspiring landscapes that I fell in love with. At first I was concerned about the same thing happening, as I wouldn't have much exposure to images of the west aside from those in my photos section on Facebook. But then, I found a web site that changed that.

http://coloradoguy.com/

Colorado guy is a web site operated buy a guy named Steve. Steve describes himself as "a creative, laid-back and long-haired guy in Buena Vista, Colorado." I first spent time on Steve's web site when I was googling images of buffalo, hoping to find images of the Buffalo Herd Overlook near Denver, and found an amazing picture he took of Mt. Princeton (view the photo set that caught my eye at this link - http://coloradoguy.com/colorado-images/mountains.htm )!

I've since looked at page after page of Steve's web site, which have had the adverse effect that Laura predicted. Instead of growing sad that I couldn't be there (which I am), I'm sort of living vicariously through Steve's photography. These pictures have helped me realize that one reason I was going so insane was that I was not only separated from my new home physically, but I had no reminders to pacify me! So since then, I've been watching anything that will give me a glimpse of my beautiful mountains again, so that I can remember the dry feeling of the air, or the beauty of being in certain places, or the way my breathe would be taken away by a sunset over the craggy peaks.

And so I started watching documentaries about the west. First was the BBC's "Yellowstone: Battle For Life" series, which I watched last winter when Sarah and I were coming apart at the seams, and the other being the Ken Burns documentary I mentioned above (which also was first watched around the time that Sarah moved out….could it be that these images of the places I love helped me pull through what I knew was about to come at me that day last February by reminding me of home, and what I could have again one day")

I no longer feel sad. I still long for the mountains, and I thoroughly believe I will break down into tears of joy when I set my eyes on them again, but I'm ok enough that it doesn't preoccupy my thoughts in a depressive manner! I feel that by watching these, I can regain some form of connection with the land I love and now consider my home, and it will hopefully see me through till I can return home.

I totally understand what John Muir must have been feeling when separated from Yosemite.

Job security

Here I sit at my cubicle about to write a blog post about lack of Job Security while on a work computer. Yeah, stupid, I know, but this isn't what it seems like on the surface. I'm not bitching about my job. I'm glad to be back in this cubicle! Rather I'm ranting about the lack of Job Security as a whole........Anywhere. It's a myth. It doesn't exist. That's one thing I kept telling my co-workers before I was downsized over the summer, and it's something that I continue to believe now that I'm back in my cubicle. There's no such thing.

If you're going to attain financial security, it's something you have to fight for and get ono your own........at least for someone who isn't a trust fund baby like me. For me, this will be a struggle, and will have many pitfalls. The odds are stacked against me, I'm in debt and have a low income. Most of that low income is eaten up by that debt, and there's hardly enough left to set back for savings. It seems almost impossible, but I know that it's not. It can't be.

So the propositions ahead of me are as follows.

A - Continue to work for, and be completely dependant on, someone else....

B - Pave my own way and get the freedom that I desire....

If you read this blog, you know my choice. But the thing is that, as I mentioned, this is much easier said than done. Right now, there's no way I could afford to live without the day job I have. I've had worse jobs, I could easily be in a far worse situation, so don't think I'm complaining. I actually like this job! But I know what I want out of life, and this is a means to that end and is only temporary.

Today I'm fired up to make this transition as soon as possible. I'm considering what my next move would be to get me where I need to be in order to bring my 5 year plan to fruition. All I know is that I won't get there by standing still. After all, I could sit here and rely on this job to get me there, but this job could lead me astray again (I'm a temp, and they may not need me anymore....it's business, and it happens).

The main point of this is a point I've made before. I'm growing more and more frustrated at not being able to live my life on my own terms. It's time to take whatever actions I can to change that.

The Social Network…..

(This is NOT a movie review)

I saw The Social Network last night. Wow.



I hated the ending, just seemed to drop off cause they couldn't find a logical ending point, though I realize it was cause there was nothing else to really say. I guess I'm used to stories that end as opposed to just hanging there, so I get why they did it that way, but I digress.

I'm not writing a review of the movie. I'm writing because that will now be one of "those" movies for me. It ranks now with films like "The Pursuit Of Happiness"



In other words, it'll be one of those films that makes me wanna go out and do great things because it makes me feel like I'm wasting my time and not doing anything outstanding with my life.

I know that everyone's life is different, but under a different set of circumstances that could've been me. I didn't have those circumstances, I had the ones I've had. But the circumstances didn't make those people. What made those people was the drive to do it, and their own obsession. Zuckerbrug changed the way I'll do my business forever with Facebook. Sean Parker changed the music business with Napster, though some in my position would argue that as an audio engineer it was to our detriment (my own thoughts are not being reflected here).

So what the fuck am I doing? Sitting at home watching south park and playing on Facebook. I know what I want to be in life, and I'm trying to be that, but why haven't I implemented this on the scale that these other people have?

There are a few key differences between these people and me. 1, they had money. Sure, according to the film, Facebook was started with a $1000 investment. $1000 wouldn't do shit for a recording studio, so I'd need an investment of quite a bit more than that. Also, these people were able to tap into their existing social networks for their own benefit. I'm trying to go out and meet people, and to some extent it's paying off for my company, but not quite as quickly as it seemed to in the film for the founders of Facebook (I know, it's a 2 hour movie, and all that development likely took a lot longer).

But the film really ignited a fire in me. It made me wanna go out there and do everything in my pioneer to turn my situation around. I'm 30, I barely have an income, and I'm not doing so well in College. I'm building a recording studio from the ground up with almost no budget, and am trying to get where I need to be in life through my own means. Some would call it me trying to pull myself up by my own bootstraps…….but you have to have boots first to do that! LOL!

Not that I'm complaining about my progress. Sure I'd love to have more studio clients and better gear……who wouldn't? On a gear front, I know I can't compete with some of the other studios in town, but I do the best I can with what I have and I know what I'm doing. Slau said something on twitter a few days ago that sticks with me…“@SlauBeSharp: BE an audio engineer and DO what audio engineers do and you'll HAVE what audio engineers have—not the other way around." - I hear ya bro. I'm working on that. I've followed similar advice from Bob Baker for years, and know the value of that way of thinking. An audio engineer isn't a collection of gear, it's a person with a specific skill set. Sure, some of the other studios could beat me on the gear front, but I still know what I'm doing and have what I need to get the job done. That's the best I can do at this point, and I'm going to take it as far as I can.

But now I'm wondering what the best way for me to make my mark will be. I mean, how can I REALLY make an impact that will last? What can I do that will get me noticed quickly by the people who I hope to have as my clients?

Some would say that in todays realm of social media, and with my lack of any kind of budget for advertising, that I'm doing what I can to get myself noticed. I'm going to shows, handing out cards, and talking to people. It's so easy to be ignored on Facebook or twitter when you're asking for someone's business. It's harder to ignore them when you've listened to them for 20 minutes over a couple of beers at a show and made friends with them.

So maybe that's where the stepping stones to my advancement lie. Maybe right now I'm in the "paying my dues" phase and the rewards will come in time?! Who knows. But after watching films like "The Social Network" and "The Pursuit Of Happiness", I really get the desire to take myself as far as I can as quickly as I can. Let's see how motivated I get now…..