Frailty

Everything a person has can be forever altered by the actions of another. I've learned that lesson in spades over the last 24 months. It's led me to appreciate what I have, because nothing is finite. Everything is frail. All it takes is a small misstep, and it all can come crumbling away.

I don't want to go through that again. I lost everything I had and everything I was in early 2011. I went rather crazy with it, and treated the woman I now want to make my wife like a disposable piece of trash. I wounded her deeply, and played games with her. I try very hard to make amends, but I do not deserve her. I never will after what I've done to her.

But I am no longer in my dark insanity. I treat her like the beautiful loving woman she is, and I treat her how I truly feel she deserves to be treated. I try to remind her often that I love her more than life itself, and that those days have been behind me for some time. But I was afraid that with the move stirring up ghosts of my own pain from last year, that it might also stir them up in her.

I'm happy to be moving in with her. I want to make her my wife, and I want to be a father to her kids. But I know it's all in her hands. I know I only have what I have today because of her. I'd still be in Marion without her. I wouldn't have a family of my own without her. I wouldn't be able to move to a new studio without her. I wouldn't have a best friend without her. I wouldn't be happy without her. I wouldn't be able to live without her.

But all that I have is in her hands. I need to never forget that fact. I was happy in my previous long term relationship, but she wasn't. I was selfish, and she took it all away. I was selfish and a major dickhead to Laura last year, and will never ever ever deserve to be with her. But she says she wants to marry me, and I'm thrilled by that to no end! Yet, there is this thought in the back of my head that says "you may have her, but you scarred her! You'll never be good enough for her!" And that voice is speaking the truth. I'll never deserve her. I always need to remember that at an moment what I have with her could come crashing down. My life is in her hands.

So while she suffers with the pain and anger of my past mistakes, I'll suffer with the endless regret and anger and pain of my past mistakes. I'll suffer knowing that I made it this way. I'll suffer knowing that I deserve nothing less. But I'll honor her until the day that I die.

Despite everything I've put you through, I'll always love you Laura. I get sick when I think about you hurting, knowing that I caused it. I feel selfish expecting you to love me back. But I need you to know that you mean everything to me.

Everything.

Past

The things I did last year keep coming up to bite me in the ass. I fully deserve it, but still wish it would just bury itself and let me be happy. It would seem that this isn't going to happen anytime soon. I still wouldn't trade what I have for anything in the world, I am however cursed with the knowledge that I've tainted what I have, possibly forever.

Penance is a bitch.

It's like I just want to take the person I was and pistol whip him. I want to take so many things back.

Admiration and appreciation.

In my opinion, to know Laura is to love Laura. I love Laura, and plan to make her my wife one day soon. But even though we've been engaged for a couple of months now and we're about to move in together, she never ceases to amaze me. Yes, I'm doing some praising in this post, but it's not because I want her to read it and get all gushy (if she read it, she'd laugh at me....)






But she's showing me just how strong a woman can be. I look at her, and I see a beautiful mother who has the unique challenge of raising developmentally challenged twin teenage daughters. This is a tough task, and even though it's easy to get frustrated in a situation like this, she handles her daughters with the most grace of any woman I've ever met.

Last week, I wasn't as graceful. I'm new to autism, I'll admit, but I had to get the girls on the bus and Celest had a fit that morning. Laura had to go to work, and the bus was on a two hour delay, so I was alone with the girls to make sure they got on the bus. Celest had a fit that morning, and I got flustered. I tried to handle them as graciously as I see Laura handle them, but after the bus came and took them to school I was frustrated.

I know Laura gets frustrated. ALL parents get frustrated. But despite this, I know that this fit was mild compared to what it could have been. It's the most I've had to deal with, but it's been worse for Laura. I look at how much grace she handles the girls with, and it makes me wanna man up. Situations like last week are gonna happen, and I need to be prepared for the fact that one day it's gonna hit the fan.

Warning: This paragraph will be cheesy. I taste the cheddar just thinking it, and my fingers are covered in cheese powder typing it.

Some people get through their challenges by asking what Jesus would do. It may not be Jesus, it may be someone they look up to and admire. Well, for me, that person would be Laura. I look at how she handles the girls, and although she's had 13 years of experience with them and I'm the noob, I know that even in the tough times she would not break her stride. She'll call me a liar, but I see infinite love and patience in that woman.

I want to be that for the girls.

I guess what I'm saying is that I'm using Laura as a role model for the type of person I want to be when dealing with our daughters. It still feels weird to call them my daughters, even though it warms my heart to know that I'll be a part of my very own family soon. They will be my daughters, and her my wife. I want the very best for my new family. I've still got a lot to learn about autism from my new family, but I know that I can handle it too. Laura's done a great job over the last 13 years. I need to be able to do the same.

My lack of interest in modern rock music of late....

I started playing guitar when I was 10. Back then, my hero was Allen Jackson, and the first song that I learned to play that was on the radio was "Don't Rock The Jukebox". That was 1991, which was a pivotal year for music both nationally and for me personally. I was listening to Boys To Men, MC Hammer, Vanilla Ice, and country. I wanted to be a country star! LOL!

Then something exciting happened. I was watching MTV, which I wasn't allowed to do (I had to sneak to watch it). The video for Nirvana's "In Bloom" came on.

I'd like to say it was an instant realization of how horrible what I was listening to was, and that I'd in one instant found a new musical direction in life. I can't honestly say that. I liked it from the start though, but I still listened to the pop and country. The Nirvana song did stick with me though, and aided in my conversion. The next one that I saw that really stuck with me and pushed me over the edge was Metallica's "Nothing Else Matters".

This one was a near instant hit with me. The beauty, the melody, the slow crescendo into all out fury…..

I started consuming more Metallica and Nirvana, and ditching the pop music and country music I'd listened to up to that point. Before long, it was grunge and metal all day with nearly nothing else even getting consideration.

The first album I ever bought was Billy Ray Cyrus's "Some Gave All". Then my rock / metal conversion happened and I stumbled upon a cassette copy of "The Black Album". This was the final nail in my country music coffin. Before long, I was collecting Metallica and Nirvana records. I remember driving with my family from Portsmouth Ohio to Philedelphia PA. I spent the trip lying in the back seat of the minivan with headphones on going through the entire Metallica catalog in chronological order to see if I could listen to it all before we arrived in Philly.

It was an exciting time for music. Some of the grunge rock giants were currently releasing music, like Soundgarden and Smashing Pumpkins. Nirvana was doing unplugged on MTV, and I soon would play guitar along to the entire unplugged album start to finish several times each week. I had completely abandoned my country and pop roots.

Around 1999, I started to convert back in minor doses to the pop side. 1999 was another pivotal year for music. We had Rob Thomas and Santana, Rob Zombie released Dragula, and Lauren Hill was singing about "That Thing".

In hindsight, this proved to me that I never really left some of my pop music tastes behind, but I wasn't willing to admit to any of my friends that I liked this song. All of my friends were metal heads, and if I liked pop it meant that I was not a real metal head. So I hid it. Over the next 12 years, I'd continue to suppress pop songs I liked, but I'd listen to them alone. When I'd get discovered, I'd get ridiculed by my friends or my girlfriend.

But back to the turn of the century, I was still a rabid rock music fan and I was still consuming current acts like crazy. Powerman 5000, Korn, Limp Bizkit (till I realized they sucked), were just a few of the acts that I listened to religiously. My love for Metallica was still undying, and my love for Nirvana was still on a religious level even though I no longer consumed them religiously. They were like the first love that will forever hold God-like stature.

But then something started to happen. I kept listening to modern rock radio, and although I liked bands like Breaking Benjamin and Audioslave, I wasn't driven to buy any albums from any of them. This could have been in part because of the ease of accessing music online, so there was no need to buy an album. This was more likely though because I was no longer as completely dedicated to it. The new stuff was good, and I'd still rock out like crazy in the car to some good songs that came on. But I was growing up, and the music was losing it's hold on me. It just wasn't that interesting anymore. Eventually, I lost interest in going to concerts.

As the first decade of the new millennium drew to a close, I had my own mp3 player. This was loaded with my favorite rock tracks, but I increasingly found myself listening to a few hip hop and pop tracks that I had found. These included

Missy Elliot

Mis-teeq

Estelle Ft. Kanye

I found the Estelle song because it was the hold music for a company I was calling one day. I was on hold for 10 minutes, and that song came on there. After that, I googled it and downloaded it. Probably the most interesting music discovery method I've ever encountered.

But still, my knowledge of music was still limited to rock and metal for the most part. Fear of ridicule kept me from really delving in.

Around the time that Sarah left me, I started working with Jovy in my studio. This was the beginning of my musical evolution. I was working with a good hip hop artist consistently, so I started doing some listening homework so that I didn't get it wrong. I started falling in love with the videosongs of pomplamoose as a way of distracting myself from the things that were falling apart left and right around me. I had stopped playing music for the most part for myself about 5 years prior, and decided to pick back up the guitar and be creative again.

I found myself lacking the threat of intimidation for liking a certain song. I found myself free to be honest with myself about what I liked and didn't like. I looked at modern rock and saw Five Finger Death Punch and Bobaflex being played way too often on the local rock station. The old songs I grew up on were still getting spin, but they were 20 years old and no longer held my interest. There was nothing new that was captivating and interesting anymore in modern heavy rock radio. I started listening to alternative hipster rock via iheartradio on KTCL 93.3 in Denver. I started listening for the first time in my life to hip hop and learning about the genre. I found favor in new hip hop….

…..and old hip hop…..

I still find myself listening to tried and true rock music, but it's no longer on the radio. I'm more likely now to discover new stuff via youtube and spottily than I am to go searching for it on The Blitz. The stuff on commercial rock radio just doesn't interest me anymore, and all sounds like a copy of itself. It's like the bird species that vomits on itself to make it unappealing to predators. I don't want any part of it.

But through the internet and the underground I've discovered some of my recent favorite rock and metal pieces.

Dream Theater

Arch Enemy

Eluveitie

So it's not as though I've abandoned rock music and metal music. Rather, the kind of rock and metal that's being pushed by modern rock radio is uninteresting garbage. Hinder? Really?

Thanks to Pandora, I've discovered that quite possibly my absolute favorite genre of music is soft electronic style music with a groove, piano elements, and female vocals. I've really been consuming Tori Amos, Fiona Apple, and Portishead like crazy thanks to Pandora solidifying my love for that sound.

Perhaps the biggest difference, aside from a lack of respect for most of what's on modern rock radio, is that now I'm free enough with myself to explore my musical tastes without fear of ridicule. Laura may laugh at something I like, but she's not gonna judge me for it. I know she hates Lady Gaga, but I like some of her stuff. I know she hates Madonna, but I grew up listening to some of Madonna's stuff in the early 90's. While those acts are far from regular listening material for me, I know she won't judge me for listening to them. So perhaps it's being given the ability to freely explore my musical horizons, coupled with the fact that modern rock radio holds no appeal to me. I no longer even listen to it. When I do, it gets turned off within 3 minutes. I'd much rather listen to a podcast, NPR, or my iPod.

….or maybe I'm just getting old……lol.

Lessons of a first time business.

I've operated Skyline Sound Studios in a residential area for years. The studio was always basically a collection of equipment and acoustic treatment that was made to look nice in the residence I happened to be occupying at the time. This month, I made the leap and leased space to put the studio. I'm official! YAY!

.....'cept that so far the services I need are more costly for a business than they are for a residence. This smacked me hard in the face, as I'm faced with $25 more per month minimum for a high speed internet connection than I'm currently paying at my residence. The kicker is that this connection is slower than my home connection, but since it's in a business location they will not install it as a residential connection. Evidently, the two are completely different logistically. Business service gets priority for bandwidth. Home service will slow down when the bandwidth is stretched thin. Business service will not. If I have a business that were using up 80% of the bandwidth available in Grove City, then that would slow down the internet connections of everyone who had a residential connection in Grove City so that I can keep my money making internet speed. That to me seems a bit unfair, but that's how it is.

I talked to my contractors last week, and they told me that I needed to have the internet turned on and wired before the drywall went up. At this time, the studs were in place but the drywall wasn't in. The electrical wasn't in. I had some time, but not much. So I start calling. I call Time Warner, and got my first dose of sticker shock. I call W.O.W., and though their prices were much more favorable (about 60% the cost of Time Warner's quote), the connection was half that of Time Warner.

So I ask them to tell me how much it will cost to do the install. Time Warner drags their feet and I hear nothing. W.O.W. does an on site check, and 3 days later alerts me that the install would be free. Then I ask her to clarify what that would involve, and she says it would involve the internet being tethered from the pole to the building. I clearly told them that I needed it wired inside, and reminded her of this. She said she'd check with her tech and get back to me.

.....that was Friday, 5 calendar days ago.

I talk to the contractor yesterday and inform him that the cable companies are being slowpokes and not getting back to me, so he checks with his electrician to see if he can wire it for high speed internet. Unfortunately, he can't, so I've been on the phone with W.O.W. and Time Warner for the past 90 minutes trying to get this sorted out. The contractors are ready to drywall in 48 hours, and once it's drywalled it's too late. They would either have to rip out the drywall to install the cable, which would be a waste of time and money, or tether the cable through the room in an insightly manner that would not look very attractive. I'm getting this space built to my specs, I want it done right damn it!

So I call Time Warner, who checks to see if they can expidite the installation. It'll cost me $100 to install, but they may be able to expidite the installation for me. Ugh. $100 to install, plus $90-month for slower-than-home internet? I'm not happy.

So I call W.O.W., and I get the rep whom I spoke to on Friday last week. She seemed stunned that the tech had never returned my call, but there is no missed call on my phone and no voicemail in my mailbox. I asked her if this would be able to be done in 48 hours, and she said it was doubtful but she'd have the tech call me.

W.O.W. was the clear winner with regard to price. But if W.O.W. isn't competent enough to call me to set up the install, and W.O.W. can't do it in the next 48 hours as I must now have, then Time Warner will win the contract at nearly double the cost to me. It would be more expensive for me to delay the opening of my studio just to save money on the internet bill.

But even then, Time Warner gave me no guarantee that they could get it done in time. I swear, sometimes I feel like I'm surrounded by complete idiots!

On that note, the operators have been trying their best to accomodate me. I have no complaints about the specific operators. But I tried to shop around, and now my choice may have to cost me more because the cheaper option was too incompetent.

I guess you get what you pay for.

Thanks North Carolina / Colorado / Ohio

North Carolina today passed a ban on same sex marriage. Many of those supporting it allegedly did not know that the bill would also ban civil unions, and when informed they stated that they would not support it. Well, it's too late for that now. The facts about this discriminatory legislation were evidently muddied and now it's been passed.

The same thing happened in Ohio during the Bush administration. Members of my own family who supported the discriminatory same sex marriage ban refused to believe me when I told them that same sex marriage was already illegal in the state, and that they had now banned civil unions. Way to research your facts before you vote.

Colorado was holding a vote on civil unions last night in the house, but the republicans filibustered. They spent time talking about the lack of trans fats in Oreo's. Eventually, the Colorado house ruled that there would be no vote on civil unions.

I've become used to bigotry in my home state of the buckeye. I grew up surrounded by racists, and was taught the N word before I knew any better. I used it casually as a kid, and am appauled at that now. As soon as I was old enough to realize that it was wrong, I stopped. But those surrounding me made me feel that I was in the minority in my open minded beliefs. So it's little wonder that the same closed minded people would be closed minded at the thought of same sex marriage. I wasn't that surprised. I have faith in my fellow man, but no faith in the uneducated racists I grew up amongst.

But North Carolina, and Colorado.....

I'm disappointed in you. Stop marriage discrimination. End marriage inequality.

Strip away the gender of the person in question. Strip away your religious beliefs.

How can you tell one person they can marry their significant other, and another that they are disgusting for wanting the same right?

Equality

I'm a firm believer that everyone is equal to everyone else. Some are born into more hospitable circumstances than others, and some are born having to fight their way through from birth. But each and every one of us are equal. None of us are better or worse than anyone else.

The differences lie not in what we can't control, but rather what we can. Each of us are given a chance to make decisions that speak about our character. Each of us are given an opportunity to be good or bad to people. Some of us are bad to people at times, but see the error in our ways and return to being good. That doesn't make them a bad person, rather it makes them a person who made bad choices.

When it comes to dealing with my peers in the music industry, I may be starstruck if Bob Rock or Kirk Hammett walked into my studio, but on a deep level I'm well aware that I'm equal to them. They've been far more successful at endeavors that I wanted to undertake, but that's because of a million circumstances and not one specific thing. Strip away the awards and the fame, they are a person just like me who have specific skills like I do.

I used to want to kiss everyones ass and try to schmooze my way into certain doors. This is behind me, and has been for a while. I realize that I like my character better than some that I was schmoozing. But we're still equals as human beings. They may know some people that I don't, but they don't have to be the one who introduces me to those I need to meet. There are a lot more people than that who know those I need to meet to make connections. I'm just as capable of making those connections through a myriad of other routes as any of my peers. What will ultimately separate me from those peers is my ability to do so, rather than my decision to sit on my hands and hope it happens.

We don't all have equal work ethic. We don't all have equal chances. We don't all have equal skills. But we are all equal on the most basic levels. I've told this to managers I've had at jobs in the past, despite the fact that they gave me horrified looks as though I was being insolent. This wasn't the case, as I was merely trying to tell them that if they are unfair to me as their subordinate, I can't respect them as my superior because they will lose the respect I give them by default as my acting superior. If I agree to work in a team environment with someone, I deserve equal respect for the role I play in that team because the person in charge of me is no better than me. If I'm not granted that respect, I'll still do the job, but they'll know they've lost my respect. For me, it's not about being treated as lower than someone, it's about acknowledging my role in a team environment and acting according to that role, while giving and recieving equal respect from those within the team.

This wasn't prompted by anything. Rather it's been something that's been on my mind as I prepare to open the new studio location. I'm considering my role in the Columbus Music Scene, and what it may take to get clients at the new location. The fact is that there's no need for me to kiss anyone's ass. I will be respectful of anyone, but in the end we're all equals.

Photography?

(This blog will contain photography samples of work I've done, but will not contain my best work. The reason for this is that I do not yet know what I will do with my best work, and wish to retain my copyright to those pieces. If you want to see all of my pics, feel free to view my instagram feed.)


I've been taking a lot of walks lately. I've been waking up at or before dawn lately naturally. I've been getting to sleep early at night lately thanks to Melatonin, which I blame for me waking up before dawn so rested. I've been taking long walks of over 2 miles each time, and while I'm out I wind up taking a lot of photos on my iPhone with Instagram.

I've started gaining an interest in photography. I blame Instagram. They make it too easy. I now am starting to see things I walk past through the frame of my Instagram app, and am walking new routes in search of things to photograph.

Most of my photographs are of random scenery in Marion. But I've been trying to focus a lot on shot composition, while playing with Instagram's built in filters. I would say it's becoming quite the hobby. I have no aspirations of becoming a professional photographer, I know plenty of those and I know what the market is like. But I am considering taking the photos of Jovy for the label to save us money on a photographer.

That's not my best shot of him, by a long shot. You'll have to wait for those.

The obsession started slowly. I'd take a photo, play with the filters, then post it to my Instagram feed. My first photo was one of my "Behind the wheel FROM behind the wheel" self portraits that I like to post on facebook. I used the built in filters to create the look, but it's nothing too special.

 

Then on one of my walks on an overcast day, I took a photo and autocorrected it. The autocorrect brought out blackness within the clouds that made me really excited! Being the creative genius that I am (sarcasm), I decided to try re-uploading a pic through Instagram's autocorrection filter to see what happened..... 

I was hooked! I started taking walks and snapping pics wherever I could! I'd look for especially cloudy days, but I'd also play with sunlight through the Instagram filters. The following pic may have been originally taken by Laura while I was driving, but it also could've been taken by me while I parked on a small bridge. I honestly can't recall. But I ran it through Instagram, and got some really cool coloring to come out!

During all of this, Melatonin was making me go to bed earlier and earlier each night and wake up earlier and earlier each morning. Before you knew it, I was waking up naturally each morning before dawn. In a town the size of Marion, nobody's out on the streets before dawn in late April. I had the town to myself, and could photograph to my hearts content!

I even started taking my walks after dark to see a different side of the town through Instagram...

This has started to reach obsession territory. It's definitely a hobby, I'm not contemplating a career as a photographer. These photos were taken with an iPhone 4 and filtered through Instagram. Nuff said. But being a believer that it's not the gear, it's the engineer (or in this case the photographer....), I'm focusing on shot composition and trying to find the shot before I take it. I've found myself on recent mornings wishing I had a better camera with a nice zoom so I could get this photo, or that photo would look awesome through this lense, or this that and the other.......but all I have is my iPhone and Instagram. So because I'm starting to wish I had better camera equipment, I think I've definitely been bitten by the hobbyist photography bug.

Last night, we had the "super moon". It was all over facebook. I drove out into the country hoping to capture some really cool pics of it, and I like what I got, but I wished I'd had a better camera so that I could capture it the way I wanted to.

I saw in the weather forecast that it was supposed to be clear skies all night. So I actually set an alarm for 5 am so that I could try to capture some really cool sunrise pics again. I didn't get enough sleep. I'm interrupting my sleep patterns so that I can walk for an hour around Marion and take photos of the same old crap that I keep taking photos of? I think it's definitely reached an obsession.

I'm finding myself growing bored with photographing Marion over and over again. I'm glad I'm moving out of this town in a few weeks finally, as my new surroundings will give me new subject matter to photograph. That'll keep me going for a bit. But I feel that the styles of photographs I've been taking are already boring me. I've taken sunrise pics and filtered them through blah blah blah. I'm wanting something new to photograph. I'm wanting better equipment to photograph it with. I'm wanting to learn how to do it right. I mean, I always kinda thought I had an eye for shot composition.....

 

.....but I never really had the desire to push this as a hobby until now. So one thing's certain. I'll be continuing to photograph, and hopefully one day will have a nicer camera than my iPhone to do it with. But even if all I ever get is my iPhone......that will be the camera I use.

Friends.

They say that when everything falls apart, you learn who your real friends are. I learned those lessons over the last year, and I've been down some tough roads. As I sit here about to embark on the new chapter of my life, I pack away a house full of memories. I have a feeling this will be a bitter sweet month for me.

Yesterday, I was taking an afternoon walk. It was sunny and very humid. When I returned home, I was drenched in sweat, and I had a flash back to August of 2010. Sarah and I had just moved to the Marion house, and I had just started working at the Whirlpool factory in Marion. We decided to trust Olive out of her crate while we were both at work, and I'd often come home from my morning shift on the line to find Olive super excited to see me. I had to ride a bike home from the factory as I lacked a car at the time, so I was hot and sweaty. The air conditioner felt really good on those days. I'd often come home to find a mess that Olive had left, which led us to decide she needed to be in her crate while we were gone.

As I put the key in the front door yesterday to walk into my house, I honestly expected to see a room full of boxes and a mischievous dog running at me at full speed. I honestly expected to feel the cool chill of the air conditioner, and hear Olive whimpering at me.

I walked in, and there was no air conditioner. I haven't put it in yet this year. There was no mountain of boxes from the move from Colorado. They've been sorted out, divided up, and most of the possessions went with her when she left. There was no joyful greeting from Olive, as Olive moved out too and passed away this year.

I was greeted to a live room where there was once a living room, a drum set that wasn't there before, and a bitchy cat whose attitude level increased exponentially when everyone else and everything else moved out. It struck me then how different everything really is. I've said before that nothing is the same, and that's not an exaggeration in any way.

It makes one reflect on everything. It makes one see clearly in hindsight how the things that went wrong would've been bad if other things hadn't already happened, but since they had it brought everything to a near collapse for me (physically and emotionally).

It makes one wonder how in the hell they got through it. There's no way I would've without friends. There's no way. Period.

So this blog is for them. There are some people I want to thank for being there when I needed it. In my dark times, you put up with my shit and extended a hand to help me.

Jesse, for giving me a place to stay when I had none.
Froe, for being a good friend and a good distraction.
Rachel Villa, for being a good friend and a good distraction.
Caroline King, for giving me an outlet to vent, and helping me refurnish my home.
Dad, for being a source of support when I needed it.
Uncle Rick and Aunt Cheryl, for keeping me afloat in my darkest times, and for helping make my new path possible.
Tracy, for being a place to turn
Josh, for giving me an outlet

There are two more much deserved thank you's, but I'm holding them off for a moment.

The above names prove that the notion of the self made man is bullshit. There's no such thing. Anyone who succeeds in life rely's on a million factors and a million hands that they held along the way. I want to be able to make it in life, and without the people above and the people below, I wouldn't be able to make it after everything that broke down for me. Never take your friends or loved ones for granted.

So I want to thank Sarah. The one who left me with nothing, removing the cornerstone of my life that allowed it to come to a near collapse. Without you doing what you had to do for yourself, I may never have forced myself to fight. I may never have grown up, I may never have been able to learn to depend on myself, and I was reminded that no matter how bad things may get I will ultimately be ok.

Which brings me to the most important person I want to thank.

Laura, my love, you've seen me in my darkest times and stood by me. You've gone through hell and back with me, and our bond is stronger because of it. We've already survived a lot, and I feel we're better for it. I'm sorry for everything, but I am eternally grateful that I didn't lose you to my foolishness caused by my trials. I'm so grateful that you are by my side, for better or worse. I'm so glad that we're fighting for each other. I'm so glad that we're fighting for your daughters. I'm so glad that you've given me a family. I'm so glad that I can spend the rest of my life with someone as amazing as you. There's nothing else I could ever want if I have you in my life, and I owe you till the day I die for being in my life. I love you more than you could ever know. Thank you.

610 WTVN's Hot Mom Contest.

In Columbus Ohio, we're not a huge radio market. We are a market full of the typical morning show, with the "zaney morning zoo" or the "disgusting shock jock who offends". We've also got the AM political talk and newsradio station, which in this case is 610 WTVN. It leans conservative, but I've worked there before and they had local talent that didn't bring up politics ALL the time.

They would occasionally try things to get ratings, which is exactly what they should be doing. It's radio. Without listeners, they can't deliver the product to the customers. The listeners are the product, and the customers are the advertisers. So they do what they think will get people to listen, trying to generate hardcore fans of the stations broadcasts. These fans hear the ads played on the station, and shop at the advertisers businesses. The advertisers are paying for exposure to an audience, which is how radio works.

So it's no surprise to me that things will get done to engage the listeners and try to get ratings. It's their job after all! I remember being in the newsroom one day when John Corby broke the worlds record ON THE AIR for stuffing the most hamburgers in his mouth. It was as disgusting as it was entertaining.

I had respect for the station, even though I didn't agree politically. I knew the people, and I knew them to be good people. But I moved away from Ohio in 2006 and left that job. I've kept in touch with some of them since via facebook, but I digress.

Lately I've noticed that this respectable talk radio station is confusing itself with the local shock jock morning zoo station. They've started a "Hot Mom" contest, in which you would submit pictures of hot mothers. Aside from finding entertainment in the objectification of women deplorable, I can't believe that a respected talk / news outlet would stoop to this. This not only seems to not be catering to the demographic I was under the impression that they should be catering to, but it's a step above fart jokes on a station that many respect for their higher standards of radio. Using sex to get ratings? Who are you, Howard Stern?