2013

Happy New Year!

Now that that's out of the way…

I'm actually feeling pretty good. I dunno what it is about the changing of a date from one day to another that can fill a person with hope for the new year that lies ahead, but it's likely the feeling of a fresh start that occurs when a new year rolls over on the calendar. So what am I up to this year?

Well, I'm glad you asked.

January is gonna be fiscally tight. There's no way around it, I'm in a tight spot. But no worries, I've got a lot of promise ahead in the very near future. I just have to get over the next few weeks financially.

With that being said, I'm back in school. I start classes in 2 weeks. I'm on academic probation, but it's time to turn that around too. In person classes, a degree change, 6 months away from school to re-stabilize my life…all things that were needed to renew my thirst for an education.

I've also officially launched CLMastering.com as of a few days ago. I've been lighting up twitter building a buzz, and although I've not sold any masters yet, it's good to know that it's now officially available for the public to use. Now to just keep up the marketing…

I've helped Laura start up her own fitness blog too, and now she's blogging and tweeting, and is making it her own! I'm so glad to have helped her get it off the ground!

2013 sees my daughters turn 15, and I'm so excited to see the beautiful young women they are becoming.

2013 is a blank slate and is full of promise. It's time to take that promise by the reigns and make something of it.

Happy New Year.

Boiling Point

Money makes the world go round, but it also is a great divider. It also can show a person's true character and willingness to understand your plight, and it can be a major point of contention and stress.

That's what I learned tenfold in recent weeks.

With studio revenues down to the point where I wasn't even breaking even, and other income sources running dry, I found myself faced with a lot of stress and anxiety. I found myself forced to make a decision. I blogged about that decision, which was to find a day job. I'm now working as a Medicare PDP provider for a teen who has autism, and it will pay almost the same as the job I left in February 2012.

I also re-signed up for classes. I don't want to live on student loans, but I can't lie and say that there isn't a financial reason I'm in school right now. Realizing it's debt that will have to be paid back later, I'm willing to take that in order to get a cushion that will help me stay afloat now. It's a gamble, and I don't like to gamble, but while I'm gambling I'm also gaining an education. I'm investing in myself. The major factor in this isn't money, but it is a vip in this game.

Bottom line is this. I've been broke my whole life. I tried to turn it around a year ago, and was on the path to doing just that. I had a savings, and was paying down credit cards. But 2012 has been a financial disaster for me. Unfortunately some didn't want to see that, and partnerships broke up because I couldn't be in a relationship where my time wasn't respected and I was expected to constantly work for the promise of "maybe we'll make a lot of money down the road"…when my kids are needing food now, getting paid down the road isn't a bet I'm willing to wager anymore. Writing was on the wall, it was clear that priorities were no longer aligned. Tensions were rising. I'm getting out.

Meanwhile, even though 2012 seemed to have a lot of promise as the summer came around and the new studio location opened, it became clear very soon that I didn't have enough clients to sustain it and I've been struggling just to pay the rent for a few months now. Business is business, and I'm working on turning it around, but when I can't contribute any of my income to pay the bills at home and feed the kids because I'm trying to keep this business afloat, it's clear that something has to change NOW.

Business is risk. I choose to take risks because I can see the potential payout later. However, I'm only willing to take calculated risks with low overhead and high return on investment. Sure, that's smart, but never a sure thing. Meanwhile, every business venture I've attempted this year has taken me down the road to the poor house while demanding tons of time away from my family and forcing me to stress to no end about how I'm going to pay for it all.

So I devised a business that would be completely online and have a very low overhead with a high profit margin. This business would have my daughters initials in the name, to remind me of what I was fighting for, and would be in place as a way to ensure their future in uncertain financial times. I'm still developing this business, and even though I don't know how to make it what I want it to be just yet, I know how to make it work and bring it to market. That's one thing I've fought with all year. I can't fine tune and tweak endlessly without bringing the product to market, because I can't afford to put that much time into that. However, when it was brought up that I was putting my time into this new venture, that was evidently the straw that broke the camel's back for the partnership I referenced above.

So here we are. I'm broke. In in that long period where I'm waiting way too long for my first paycheck from the new day job, which will be very small, while watching my available capitol dry up around me days before major bills are due (rent, ect). I'm also having services shut off.

Enough.

This cycle has to end.

So what can I do differently? Not really much right now, other than keep plugging and trying to get this new business operational before classes start in a few weeks. That's my window. I have to get this new site up and running by then, or the amount of time I'll have to focus on web development will be a lot more constricted. The business is designed to be easy to run with minimal effort, which would work out well for a guy like me (running a studio while working a 30 hour-week day job and taking 12 credit hours of classes and raising two teens who have autism…). Essentially I focus on marketing, do some minor file maintenance and billing, and then collect money. With a social media model rather than an advertising model, the advertising budget is minimal. This leads to high profit margins, and an overhead that is so low you can't limbo under it. I can run this business from anywhere that I have an internet connection, so I can take it with me on vacation as long as I have my iPhone.

But the business isn't live. So I'm caught in another struggle of putting time into something that hasn't paid me a dime yet. The difference this time is, no one is here to argue that it can't go live until it reaches a certain arbitrary point, and no one is here to set that arbitrary point so high that it's impossible to sustain with no returns on the investment. I'm in this alone, with guidance from others, but the decisions are ultimately mine. I'm in charge of my own destiny here, and no one can dip their fingers in the bowl and fowl up the original vision. So this one makes me happy to put time into, because I can see this one having a potentially high return with unlimited growth!

Besides, I'm doing this one for my daughters. They'll need lifelong care (thanks autism), and I can't provide that on promises and unemployment. They are my number one priority in life now, and every move I make is to give them a better life.

But even at home there is frustration. While in training to be a PDP provider, they tell all new providers to ensure that we have adequate down time. It can be very frustrating to assist someone with special needs, and you can't take that out on them, but if you don't give yourself down time from it to relax and recover, you'll get burnt out quick.

I've been on my job for a week now in the home, and then coming home all week to my daughters. Where is my downtime? Just as I try to find some, a money issue or a weather issue throws a wrench in my plans and I have to postpone my recovery yet again. Then there are people who are constantly hounding me about things, or changing their plans, and further complicating my life. Yeah, I signed up for it, but that doesn't mean it won't have it's consequences on my health. I'm tense today, and can't pull out of it. I'm not making enough money, my daughters are acting up and becoming defiant little teenage firecrackers (atta-girls!), my new day job has had a lot of unpredictability in it's schedule thanks to the holiday break and illness in the family, people are getting pissed at me left and right and acting like I'm letting them down (while failing to see just how hard I'm fighting)…

I've reached a boiling point. I've also reached a new level of thinking. My first priority is, and always will be, to ensure the future of my children. Second will be to ensure the longevity of my future marriage to Laura. My own needs and wants will come third, but before business I have to ensure my own sanity. Running a business can make you insane, and raising children who have autism doesn't exactly relieve stress. With as much as I've been forced to pack on to keep it together (whatever the FUCK that means), I can't be an efficient business man if I'm not taking care of myself. So my needs as a person come third.

Part of those needs include my own future. Owning a business isn't a guarantee of success, and while others got mad when I'd point out the unlikely odds against us, I choose to live in the real world and understand that just because I make it doesn't mean they'll come. So if all of those business endeavors fall through, I've got my education to help me find new opportunities to survive and thrive.

Part of those needs also include downtime. I find solace in photography, and in downtime with Laura. Those things I'll always have to make time for. So…

1. Kids.
2. Laura.
3. School / Personal Downtime.

4. Everything and everyone else. No exceptions. Period.

On The Cusp:

I pledged a few weeks ago that I never wanted to see Laura upset about bills again. I pledged that I would find a way to turn our financial situation around asap. Later that night, I was blessed with two finds on Craigslist that turned things around.

Ad #1: Seeking video editor.

I leave a message outlining my video editing skills. The next day, I receive a call from a business who needed a video edited together. It took about 18 hours over almost 2 weeks, but I got the project done by his dead line and he was very satisfied. The next day, he was calling me with another project, and the day after that with a referral for the studio! This guy has been a steady client with a quick turnaround on new projects, and it's because he's in business himself and needs it done asap. So this has meant a quick turnaround on payment. I couldn't be happier, and am keeping my eyes peeled for more clients like him.

Ad #2: Seeking Medicare PDP provider.

It's no secret that my daughters-to-be have autism. This gave me just what I needed for this ad, because this was for a family looking for a PDP provider for their autistic children. Knowing the potential for a steady income this could provide, I quickly emailed a response and outlined my own experiences with autism. The next day, I had received an email from the home asking me to come in for an interview. I did, and we had a nice long 2 hour conversation. She hired me on the spot, and now I'm making a nice part time income.

These came along at the perfect time. Stress about money was reaching critical mass, and it's become clear that my focus needs to be spent on being a provider asap. It was time to take a long hard look at what I'd been doing and evaluate it's importance. I prioritized a few things, and de-prioritized a few. I got off my ass and got back in school after taking 6 months off to get my life stable again. I'm signed up for full time classes in January. I built a new web site for the studio to help it attain a more professional look, and pulled the trigger on the new rates I'd decided to implement after much debate.

And now, here I sit, on the edge of the bed as Laura sleeps behind me, thinking about how great it feels to not only have worked, but to have been paid for it, and to know that the money is going to help get our finances back in order once and for all. I worked 14 hours today, it seems like it spanned 2 days, but I love the feeling of getting something done and being rewarded for it.

Laura and I have been talking recently about ways to get ourselves out of the hole and build a better life for us and our daughters. Part of this involves financial security, but I won't go into that too in depth because that's partially about her, and she's more private about those sorts of things. But we've pledged to wait till we get our finances back in order to get married, and I don't wanna wait anymore. There's nothing more important to me than this family, and I can't wait to be a part of it legally.

Renew and review

I think I'm coming to a head with a few things in my life. Financially, mentally, physically…

The studio is a great asset, but let's be honest. It's not paying the bills. It has been barely breaking even, and now that revenues are down 25% it's practically not even doing that. So if I can't break even, I can' t profit. If I can't profit, I can't put food on the table at home. I'm working a job that, while tons of fun, is getting me nowhere in life. It's not advancing me or my family, and my family has to eat. So I've been working on a few other things to try to spur revenues and keep the bills paid.

1 - I got a job. I start next week at my first day job since I lost my call center job in February. It's time to face facts, this ship isn't sailing. It's merely treading water. Meanwhile, I've got a hold to dig out of. The first thing you do when you find yourself in a hole is stop digging.

This will be a temporary situation, but it will be a rewarding one. I'll be providing respite care for a family who has children with autism.

2 - I've also re-enrolled in school. This time, I'm going not for business or marketing. I'm going to re-sharpen my production skills. I'm getting work in this field, I wanna sharpen the skills I'm already using. I start in January, as long as my financial aid comes through, and I'll be taking classes on campus rather than online this time. After all, online classes were so easy to let go that when life got tough I let them fall to the wayside. Time to start fresh and go to campus.

3 - I'm starting a new business. CLMastering will offer audio mastering worldwide. Unlike the studio, where I'm paid per hour of my work (and therefore has limited growth opportunity because there are only so many hours in a day), CLMastering has unlimited growth potential and will cater to a worldwide market. More on that to come, but I hope to be active by February or March.

The bottom line is that I've seen the writing on the wall. My family needs me to bring it home, and if the studio isn't catching on it's time to focus on what will. I'll keep the studio open, and I'll hope it grows, but my back is against a wall. If something isn't serving my family, it needs to be lowered in priority. Period. I'll never achieve my 5 year plan if I don't turn things around NOW.

So the next few weeks will bring a lot of changes. Let's just hope they are for the best.