I'm a person who has a ton of confidence. It takes a lot of confidence to do what I do, considering all of the business ventures I attempt. After all, what person without confidence would think they are good enough to try this?
But that confidence is shaky under stress. It's more of a roller coaster ride, with many pitfalls that dip deep down into over-analyzation of self. That can make me crash quickly to the point where I'm desperately trying to figure out how I'm going to keep going. In this state, it seems quickly that the whole world is against me, and that I've done so very wrong by everyone I know. It's tough to hold my head up to my family, and it's tough to look myself in the mirror.
Moments of desperation that severe usually are rare. But when you factor in money issues, they become far more frequent. I've got a plan to remedy my money issues, but it'll take some time to implement. Meanwhile, the cycle continues, and all I can do is watch and hope for the best.
But the fucked up thing is that when this happens, I'll dip down REALLY low, freak out for a while, then boost right back up really quickly! This could be indicative of some sort of mood disorder, who knows. Maybe depression that's gone untreated? Whatever the mental cause, when I do start my climb out of that deep of a fall, it's very quick as if I've been launched up. I feel suddenly like I can take on the whole world, and the whole world can kiss my ass! It's not a fun ride, but it happens like this every single time. It gets exhausting.
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