sand

I see people with enough money to travel, or to live comfortably, who don't seem to have a care in the world about the limited supply of rice in their cupboard or how they will put gas in their cars. I see people who wear nice clothes and use fancy phones (Ok, I have an iphone, but still.....), who buy name brand products at the grocery store without worrying about the little bit of extra money they are spending that may be frivelous (does anyone really NEED that high end sugar? It's FUCKING SUGAR!)

It feels like someone is rubbing sand in my face......slowly and firmly.

On one hand, I'm glad to see people not seeming to have to worry about how to get the things they'll need in life. I've always made due with the little that I have, and have been able to make a mountain out of the proverbial mole hill. But on the other hand, it seems really unfair in some ways that so many people seem to have it so fucking easy. I've never had means, I've done without many times in my life. I'm feeling a bit impatient at this moment, wishing that this would just pass so I could live comfortably without worrying about money. But I know that will be a long process, and I'll go through many dark moments before I get where I need to be.

I think I just wish I didn't have to worry about the financial security of myself and those I love anymore. I'm vowing to change that for myself and those I love, but I know it won't be an overnight thing. I want to be able to provide for once, rather than just survive.

I guess we'll see how it all plays out.