Failing?

I feel like things are failing all around me again. This time, I'm trying to fight to keep it from happening, but this time it's not regarding my relationship. However, if the things that I feel that I'm losing control of DO fail, I worry about the fallout that will have on my relationship.

That being said, it's like right now I can't catch a break. Everyone wants something yesterday that I don't have today and may not have tomorrow. I'm having major stress headaches over the last few days, and don't know whether or not I'll be able to tread water or if I'll sink hard and fast.

I'm scared of failing. More importantly, I'm scared of showing my face at home if I do fail, and scared of the embarrassment of knowing I failed. My logical brain says she'll love me forever regardless of success, but my irrational brain gets worked up and can't stand the thought of letting her and the kids down.

I know that it's time for a change in course, but the scary thing is that I'm worried about lasting a matter of DAYS instead of weeks. I'm worried that it may not matter at all in 2 weeks, and all my efforts will have been for nothing.

But if I can make it through this hurdle, I have ideas of different directions I can go to turn this around. It's clear that the way I've been proceeding hasn't paid off quickly enough. It's time to regroup and reconsider my approach.

I just have to get through this hurricane.