Anger......sort of

I just wish I knew.

I was getting ready for bed, but my acid reflux was acting up and I was out of Prilosec. All I wanted was a glass of milk to help soothe the burning in my chest, but I was out of that as well. So I decided to drive to Walmart to buy some of each. Trying to be frugle thanks to my financial situation that this year has put me in, that was all I intended to buy, but after I grab the prilosec I decide to walk around wal-mart for a few and just kill some time.

I see the clearance section. This is where I ran into trouble, and got sad and angry. You see, the clearance section was something that Sarah would spend 10 minutes in at times just browsing, and I couldn't pull her from it! Let me be clear, I no longer miss our relationship. I've had two since then. But the problem is that Sarah just moved out of the house 6 months ago and we were together just under 12 years, meaning that there's going to be a lot of things that come up that I'm going to have to sift through.

So what was I angry and sad about? Well, for starters, I was angry at all that I've lost this year. I was angry at all the changes that were forced upon me that I've had to just deal with, and I never had a say in the circumstances surrounding the changes. Another thing I grew angry at was the loss of a lifestyle. I was no longer able to justify spending $3 in the clearance section on something cool or even needed, because money was so tight that I'm now picking up pennies that I find on the ground!

This all just took me back, yet again, to when times were happy for me. I remembered midnight trips to Walmart in Evergreen Colorado, which is probably the nicest looking Walmart in the country. I remember one night when a cloud bank was hovering over the parking lot (the store was at about 8,000 feet above sea level in the Rockies), and you could see white owls swooping down through the clouds and coming into view of the parking lot lights. Times were happy, and my surroundings seemed magical. This made me sad again that I'd lost that happiness and love for where I lived, and angry for the same reasons.

Now that the anger that had surfaced has subsided, I'm left with the sadness. But this all begs one important question. If I'm over the relationship, how long will it take for me to get over losing everything else I loved? How long will I be angry at the hand life dealt me? How long will I be held down trying to get back up because of it? How long will I have to wait before my mind stops triggering these things?

How long will all this take? I just wish I knew.

This is unrelated, but I like to listen to this when i'm down.