Open

In my relationship with Sarah, I admit that I was sort of a clam. I'd hold things in and not talk about them. I did this for two reasons.

1. It was easy. Often it was the easier thing to do!
2. I couldn't always interpret what I was feeling in order to talk about it.

Ultimately this led to lack of communication and complacency, which I do believe were contributing to the nails that I was putting in the coffin. She may say that she had her own nails to contribute, but I'm not able to speak to that. I can only speak on what I could've done better.

I'm trying to be a better person. I'm working on the things that I know I can change about myself, and trying to be more open in general. I don't wanna be able to look back at another failed relationship and say that I could've done this or that better. I wanna know that if / when this happens again I gave it my best shot and put my best foot forward.

This is one of many reasons why I feel that this blog is a good idea. It keeps me open. I can't hide from things anymore and ignore them, because they are in an open format for the whole world to see. This not only helps me to interpret what's going on, but it encourages dialogue. This is something that I learned just a few moments ago when someone read my last blog post and was concerned about what it meant. This has proven itself to be a great way of keeping me from clamming up, and help keep the lines of communication open!

So thank you Blogger, and thank you Facebook, for giving me the tools to aid in my self improvement. It's rather amazing actually, and I thought in some ways I'd hate being so open and public about certain things. But it's actually kind of freeing to get some things off my chest as I'm feeling them, and it's equally freeing to let them go public. When I post a blog, I can't hide from those feelings I had anymore. I have to own up to it, and people can call me on it or talk to me about things that concern them.

I don't think I'll be stopping anytime soon.