Overthinking?

A thought has persevered in my head tonight. As I sit here cramming for my final, listening to pomplamoose, I reflect on my recent blog posts. I think I'm coming to a good place now mentally. I'm realizing suddenly that I'm overthinking some things. What's all this pressure to figure myself out? I've got my whole life to do that!

Seriously. I've been mostly talking about negative things on this blog since I reactivated it a few weeks ago. I'm not all brooding and sad all the time, I swear to you. But this has been a great outlet for those things that have come up. I know at least a handful of my friends have been reading it, and who knows who else. Thank you to those of you who have been. But those of you who know me personally know that I'm not all sad and down in the dumps all the time. I'm actually a pretty goofy fun-lovin mother fucker!

Which brings me to right now. I'm happy. I mean in general, I'm happy. It's been a while. Since Sarah left, I've had things I've been down about preventing this from happening. But right now, I'm just enjoying the feeling of being happy in general. So I'm letting go of the pressure to figure myself out soon, and instead I'm going to go with the flow and see where it takes me. I feel right now that chasing self realization could be, in my case, like a dog chasing it's tail. I may catch it, but I might also destroy the living room in the process! And after I've caught it, then what?! I'm more inclined now to feel like living in the moment is the way to go. Self realization is something that I now feel comes with hindsight and reflection. I've been reflecting a lot on those things that I can see in hindsight, and trying to improve myself based on what I saw. Maybe it's something you can chase but never catch up to?!

I'm letting it go. I just wanna enjoy what's before me and make the most of my life.

Of course all this could change tomorrow, but this is how I'm feeling right now. I hope it sticks, cause it's pretty awesome.