Merry Christmas......

It's now Tuesday, December 20th.

Weird to type that and have it feel like just another day in just another month.

I'm not taking much stock in Christmas this year. There are plenty of reasons, and one of them is that I have no money to buy anyone a present.

But other than that, I also don't have someone living with me making me feel all festive. it's easy to get excited about a holiday when the other person is excited about it too. But after 12 years, that person is gone. This is my first christmas in 12 years without her, and I don't know if I'll even see her over the holiday.

Kinda weird, but also, kinda not at all.

After all, there were deep wounds cut this time last year. That's gonna take some time to heal, and it's still going.

But this isn't just another long winded rant about how hurt I feel about the separation.

Actually, this is more of a statement to the fact that I don't think Christmas is really all that important.

After all, why do we hold so much stock in a commercialistic holiday designed to line the corporate pocketbooks by promoting good will in the form of a pretty package?

Ok, sure, it was started as a religious celebration of Jesus's birth……but come on. Only a small handful still celebrate that aspect of the holiday now. The rest of you are waiting in your long stupid lines on black friday to plow your fellow man over in order to get this doodad or that doohickey because the corporate machine has you by the balls……but I digress.

If you take away the commercialism, and you take away the religious aspects, Christmas is supposed to be about being with those you love and those that truly matter.

Forgive me, but after last year's disastrous Christmas, is that person really going to be Sarah? I'm not so sure. I know it'll be Laura, and my family, but where Sarah fits in…..I'm not sure.

And if I'm not celebrating the religious side of the holiday this year, and I'm not celebrating the religious side of the holiday, then buying presents and hanging lights become useless practice…..especially when I have no money for either.

So I'm just going to let Christmas be what it is……another day on the calendar. I'll spend it with family, and I'll be glad to see them, but it'll not be quite the spectacle that it has been. Because of that, I'm just letting it slide by this year almost unnoticed.

Maybe I'll get back in my holiday spirit by next year……who knows.