Odd fluctuations.

I find it strange how often my mood about things fluctuates. I'm going constantly between being moody and emo about things to being pissed off to being optimistic to being emo and moody again. It's happening too often. I'm starting to wonder if there's not something deeper going on that needs addressed, but even if I could afford a therapist, when the hell would I find the time?

I'm extremely optimistic about my 5 year plan. I get really happy and excited thinking about moving back to Colorado. But then I get really pissed off at having left, and how things fell apart after I left. Then I get happy about my relationship and the way things are going in some respects, but then I get all moody and emo about everything that's happened over the last 18 months.

I want some stability. I'm sick and tired of not being sure what the hell I want, or what the hell I am feeling. I'm also getting really sick and tired of bitching about missing Colorado. I don't want it any less, but I'm getting tired of bitching about being away from it.

I guess I don't understand where I'm at emotionally at the moment, and that's frustrating. It doesn't seem I can get what I want without massive amounts of work and patience, and that creates a lot of anger because I don't want to have to wait any longer.

I just don't wanna be all moody and emo anymore. I want stability emotionally, and I want to be happy.