Fight

Ok, I'm ready to throw down. I know what I want. I allow myself to feel pity and get upset, because I'm human and it's ok to feel those things. But I've allowed that enough for the night. No more. I'm back in fighting mode. I'm gonna get the fuck out of this financial funk and live my life on my fucking terms if it fucking kills me in the process!



Calming down a bit, I'm starting to think that my entire anger and abandonment issue stems from the fact that, going it alone financially, those things are all now no longer accessible for me. It's hard, because before when I had another income in the house, we'd go on trips and everything seemed at my fingertips. That was a wonderful feeling, being able to get in the car and go to wherever based on a little planning.

But now, going it alone financially, I've tried this fucking Colorado trip twice and have failed at least once, maybe twice. If I can't get a better financial picture by June, it's not gonna happen. This fills me with fury about the fact that I can't seem to make this one simple task of going somewhere for at least a fucking vacation come to be. I can't seem to make it back to the place that I do consider my home in many respects.



So yeah, I'm pissed. But I also now am wondering if anyone else has had such withdrawals over a location like this, or if I'm just fighting a major obsession? It's not a topic that gets discussed that often, and I do wonder if this is all just in my head, or if this is something that others are dealing with too.

Now it's time to get over that and continue getting my life back so I can have the things I want out of it. Fuck sitting idle. I've spent too much time today on my ass.