Keeping positive.

I've decided that enough is enough. I know that I'm depressed, even though I've not been officially diagnosed. But I'm aware that I am. What else could explain this year long battle?

So I'm done with it. I've got a lot of things to keep positive about. While I don't think that just trying to keep focused on the positive will make all the difference in the world, it s something I need to remind myself of on a constant basis if I'm gonna get through this. I've actually got a lot going for me, and I need to keep reminding myself of that.

I've got a record label, two musical projects, studio clients, school, a new control room at the studio……



I've got a roof over my head, and that doesn't appear to be ready to change anytime soon. I've got time to do my own thing for a while. My bills are paid, my cupboards are full, I have studio work coming in, and I have friends.

Most importantly is the most beautiful and wonderful woman I've ever met. Laura keeps me stable when she's with me, and I can't imagine spending the rest of my life with anyone else. I'm blessed in that I was able to find love again. I feel like the luckiest man alive when I'm with her.



And I'm also blessed that I had such a long run in my previous relationship. Things may have ended on a sour note, and odds are this won't be the end of my ill feelings toward things, but I did have 12 years during which I was happy and saw many wonderful things. Thank you Sarah for that.

I just need to keep positive as much as I can. Now that I realize it's likely clinical depression that's causing me so much anguish, I need to try to do what I can to work past it. Admitting it is part of that. I don't know what else it will take other than time, but I'm working to get through this. I'm not just doing it for my sake, but I'm doing it for the sake of everyone who knows me. From the readers of this blog to the people I talk about in the blog, all of you are seeing the negative side of this play out like a slow motion car wrek.

So let's just hope I can keep a positive focus and keep my head in the game. It's been hard at times, and has been physically crippling on occasion. But I need to get through this for my own good.

Wish me luck.