Reflections a year later.

I'm feeling good. My stress level isn't as high as it was a few days ago, which I attribute to me being given less stress in my day to day work environment after being laid off earlier this week. It's a sunny Sunday morning, and I'm loading Pro Tools to start mixing K Nacole's next track. In general I feel good.

It's been one year to the day since Sarah moved out. It was a Saturday, and it was snowing like crazy. I was at work, and I came home to an empty house with very little furniture in it. It was a numbing day for me, but one that cut to the bone. 12 years, gone in a day.

But today, I'm feeling well. I'm just a little bit down thinking about it, but I'm over it all. I'm only really down because I'm remembering the emotions of that day, and that's never fun. But I'm doing OK today. I've got a full plate today, full of audio work and homework. I've got a plan for where I wanna take my life. I've got a beautiful woman that I'm planning a lifetime of companionship with. I've got a 5 year plan in place to guide me to where I wanna go. I've got business ideas in place that I'm implementing. I've got a lot of aspirations. I've attacked my financial insolvency head on while I had a steady income, and now that I don't, I'm ok for the time being.

I've matured a lot over the last year. I've stressed myself out a lot in recent days, but that's falling to the wayside as I distance myself from my stress-inducing job. I still have an underlying sense of panic with the uncertainty of my finances, but I know that as long as I stick to my budget and put forth a real effort, I can manage what i have.

I've traveled a long and emotional road over the past 12 months, and even in the 4 months before it when Sarah started showing signs of changed feelings regarding our relationship. But I feel that today will be an important milestone, as it's now been one year of post-Sarah events. I only mark it because I feel I should for my own mental health. Knowing that every special occasion that will come up over the next year will have been preceded by that occasion without Sarah the year before will help me really be able to just live my life and not focus on the past anymore.

Laura says that I focus on anniversaries of events, which I find completely true. So the fact that this one is passing leaves me to feel that I can now fully just let it all go and move on in every way. I'm feeling somewhat freed by that knowledge.

So here we are, one year later, and I've weathered a mental hurricane. But I've come out on the other side, begun to repair the damage, and am now a happy and confident person again. I'm now excited for the year to come! Bring it on world!